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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think 3 months salary for an engagement ring is a bit bonkers?

126 replies

VenetiaFleet · 11/04/2015 22:42

Was chatting to a friend earlier and she mentioned that the "rule" for buying engagement rings is that the man (she was talking hetero weddings) should spend three months salary on a ring. Apparently this is the done thing but I alone in thinking this is ridiculous? If DP were to ever propose then there's a lot of other things I'd rather he spent three months salary on than a piece of jewellery!

OP posts:
letscookbreakfast · 12/04/2015 09:20

I didn't even spend a week's salary on my partners engagement ring, the three month 'rule' is not real.

NaiceVillageOfTheDammed · 12/04/2015 09:22

Grin VikingVolva

"do the Shake n Vac and put the freshness back
Do the Shake n Vac and put the freshness back
If your carpet smells fresh, your room does too
Every time you vacuum, remember what to do
Do the Shake n Vac and put the freshness back..."

The power of advertising

base9 · 12/04/2015 09:28

Some people are grabby. The cost of your ring will reflect nothing onto the strength of your message.

base9 · 12/04/2015 09:29

Marriage. Not message.

Theoretician · 12/04/2015 09:29

Before buying a diamond ring, investigate the resale value. Google "resale value of diamond engagement ring".

A guy who tried to sell a ring after a failed proposal was offered at most 35% of what he paid for it. He set up a web site to sell it, and eventually got back $7,000 of the $10,000 he paid.

Gold is intrinsically valuable, diamonds aren't. I've read somewhere that the price of diamonds is not a market price, supply is controlled by De Beers distribution and demand apparently set by their marketing department. The "price" (not value) of diamonds is set by De Beers and is very different depending on whether you are buying or selling. (Something like gold that doesn't have a manipulated price will have a much narrower spread between buying and selling prices.)

(On a contrary note, I see that Wikipedia says that De Beers monopoly on diamonds has collapsed over the last ten years, having been in place for most of the 20th century.)

Binkybix · 12/04/2015 09:38

At the time I think mine may have been getting on for 3 months' worth. It's the only expensive thing I own (I don't have a wedding ring!) and I do love it. I think 3 months worth now would be excessive, but it's about what you can afford and what you like to spend money on. I don't think mine means more than a less valuable one.

aphrodites · 12/04/2015 09:41

It's just a very good advertising campaign that seems to have worked very well!

I have no idea how much my ring is but I know that at two carats it probably wasn't cheap. Surely how much is spent on it depends on your circumstances? We weren't living together when DH proposed and neither of us were facing financial hardship so there was no mortgage to think of.

qumquat · 12/04/2015 09:43

As others have said any 'rule' is just advertising. Personally I would hate to carry 3 months salary on my finger every day.

TheUnwillingNarcheska · 12/04/2015 09:55

I have been married soooo long my tastes have changed so I no longer wear my engagement ring and wedding ring.

It was a gold solitaire engagement ring and a gold wedding band. They have been altered over the years due to hands changing size after having babies. I would never get rid of them as I treasure them and the memories associated with choosing them.

But I now wear a fake diamond, princess cut halo ring and fake diamond encrusted wedding band. They cost less than £50 and I love them. I couldn't justify spending stupid money on jewellery.

I would rather have several holidays with Dh and the children.

Even back when I chose my engagement ring, I wasn't materialistic. I couldn't have competed with my friend who married a footballer (not very famous) so she had a rock of an engagement ring Grin to keep up with the WAGs.

WhiteConverseSkinnyJeans · 12/04/2015 09:56

I got a massive rock from now dh

And tbh I loved the envy from all my friends almost as much as getting engaged Blush

Karenthetoadwhisperer · 12/04/2015 09:59

ExP does well and my engagement ring was worth one week's salary. It looked nice and I did like it at the time, and had it not been for his bragging what a good deal it was and how 'cheap' it was, I would have been perfectly happy with it.

It all depends on the circumstances, in my opinion.

mountainofdreams · 12/04/2015 10:01

I don't think it matters what people pay and there certainly shouldn't be a rule. Though luckily some people spend a lot of money keeping dps family diamond business going!

ScrambedEggAndToast · 12/04/2015 10:03

Would your friend ask for a receipt before she considered her response?!! Surely it's to do with whether you love your partner, not what they can afford to spend on a ring.

bereal7 · 12/04/2015 10:24

I always heard the tradition was 3 months salary Confused . Will, that's the story im gonna stick with when future DP starts thinking about proposing.

I know it's shallow but I really would be offended with a cheap ring ( that's my own personal feelings).

foreverton · 12/04/2015 10:24

When we got engaged we were pretty skint (still are to think about it!) And my ring cost £600 from h Samuel, using their store card.
We both loved it and it was the only one I really loved and when the assistant checked, it was exactly my size:)

3 months salary would mean no bills/mortgage being paid for most people.

If we won the lottery I wouldn't replace that ring with a rock.

Got my eternity ring on the day we had our dd, he brought it to the hospital.picked it himself, perfect.

BackOnPlanetEarth · 12/04/2015 10:32

Diamonds can be a good investment but it really depends when! where and what you buy. You would be able to sell largish diamonds bought, say, 15+ years ago at a decent 'profit. There have been periods where the proce of diamonds has increased well above the price of inflation. It's bit stagnant at the moment.

I would never buy a diamond for investment though. I buy them because they are so sparkly and scatter little rainbows everywhere I go. Smile

IvyWall · 12/04/2015 10:33

Can you imagine having a minimum wage job and being expected to spend 3k on an engagement ring?
That is ludicrous

Cheeseandwinegirl · 12/04/2015 10:41

Mine was less than £200, I also brought him an engagement gift for the same price. It's all we could afford. Even if we had more money I'd still be content, id probably use the extra money to go on a nice holiday.

Why would anyone be upset if their partner hadn't saved up a small fortune for a piece of bling is beyond me. Unless you're spending the same money on him you are being completely unreasonable.

catgirl1976 · 12/04/2015 10:44

I think it's 1 month but it's a rather pointless 'rule' and not something anyone should care about.

My engagement ring is lovely.

My wedding ring cost a fiver.

DH and I had gone to Vegas to get married. We thought jewellry would be cheaper there and would buy wedding rings when we got there.

We spent a miserable day trawling round a shopping mall with either unaffordable Cartier shops or tatty tourist shops and nothing in between.

I had a bridezilla meltdown (hot, tired, no ring) and started crying and being a brat.

DH calmly sat me down, got me a cold drink and then came back with a cheapy, $10 'silver' ring from a tatty shop.

He said "Catgirl, I love you and I want to marry you more than anything in the world. Marry me tomorrow with this, and when we get home I will take you to any ring shop and buy you any ring you want."

Reader, I married him.

The $10 ring is still my wedding ring and I didn't replace it with a 'proper' one because I realised the ring didn't matter and it will alway symbolise how much DH loves me and it means more to me than a platinum bit of bling ever could.

Dowser · 12/04/2015 10:44

I don't understand this getting lost idea. Mine will only get lost if someone cuts off my finger.

Apatite1 · 12/04/2015 10:45

I wear a 3.5 ct emerald cut diamond as my engagement ring. It used to cost more than three months salary ten years ago, but now costs less. I've enjoyed wearing it for ten years, guilt free, the stone was especially chosen to suit my long fingers. As far as I'm concerned, the three months thing is completely arbitrary. Spend what you like.

Dowser · 12/04/2015 10:59

Awww lovely story cat girl.

Sensible chap your hubby, mine would do the same.

I'm teaching my 11 year old grandson the value of money and how to bargain shop.

He said ' nana, are you a cheapskate'. God love him.

Noooo, I said there's a world of difference. A cheapskate wouldn't be spending at all. They just get a thrill from watching their bank balance rise while having a miserable existence.

I said, I love to spend but I like value for money. While this conversation was going on I was in the process of spending £20 on him for treats for the weekend.

My wedding dress for example cost less than the £60 for the child's wedding dress in the Disney store based on the new Cinderella movie.
It looks like I paid a lot more.
We are having a civil ceremony first and my dress for that cost £27-50 and when I got to the checkout I got another £2-50 off it. It's gorgeous.

BackOnPlanetEarth · 12/04/2015 11:40

catgirl1976. That's a really sweet story. Smile

catgirl1976 · 12/04/2015 11:42

He can be very lovely at times, DH :)

Purplepoodle · 12/04/2015 11:43

Suppose it depends on your financial position. If u don't live together and have separate finances then I guess an expensive ring is more feasible. Me and my now dh were living together on a shoe string. We (I) picked a ring we could comfortably afford - few hundred, dh wanted to pay more but I said it was silly and just more debt. Tbh I don't wear it anymore since having dc

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