AIBU 9 & 7 yr olds shouldn't ge left alone??

[eeyoreandpooh]

AMIBU to think it's not right to leave a 9yr old and 7yr old alone playing in a park while you go to the shop? Said shop is a car drive away - not just round the corner or over the road

Letter from the school or not it isn't allowed at younger ages, so there is an age at which state organisations (like school) say "if it's fine with parents it's fine with us". In your DD's school that is year 6 (10-11). In my nephews school it is year 5 (9-10). In most places it is at the very least year 7 (11-12).

If your DDs school say year 6 (10-11) why is it so hard to believe that some children are fine to be in the park alone at 9?

What if they decide to walk one day instead of catching the bus? Do the parents have to tell the school?

Seems ridiculous to me. I've had 3 children go through secondary school and I've never been asked to inform the school how they were getting home.

In our school we ask parents to let us know if their kids need to get the school bus, but other than that we don't need to know. And I was explicitly told by the pastoral head in our school to not accept "but I have to get the school bus" as an excuse to avoid detention. Provided you give them a parental notification slip the day before, they don't even have to bring it back signed by a parent.

I should think that Secondary schools rightly assume that an 11 year old is capable of getting home from school alone.

Pupils are seen onto the bus by duty staff. In practise no child would ever change their mind about the bus- this is a very rural community where for most pupils the bus is the only option.

Jessica- the school don't say it's fine. The school say that at the end of the school day your child is your child and if you wish to decide that they can walk home alone, and you state that in a letter, they are your responsibility. At times of day when they are the school's responsibility (breaks, lunchtimes, lessons) they are actively supervised aren't they!

The point is that if something happened to a child on the way home at 4pm, the school (primary or secondary) would have no legal responsibility. If something happened to a child during lunchtime then the school would be entirely responsible. When they are responsible for the child's safety they supervise the child- even at secondary school.

Not everyone lives in a rural community though. Your school sounds very different to the one my children attended.

The end of school day bell went and the kids were out of there. Walking, biking. on the bus etc.

The only way you can prepare your children for that is to gradually give them a bit of freedom or how will they learn?

I suppose gradually is the key word there. Gradually giving more freedom doesn't, in my opinion, mean leaving 7 year olds a car journey away from me at a park, or allowing 9 year olds to wander around supermarkets alone. I fully intend allowing my daughter, at 11 to walk home from school (very small distance). I just don't see the need to do that at 9, or 7 as per the OP.

I must add that a journey to and from school is very different to a session at the park. It will take my daughter around 5 mins to walk to school and she will be supervised at either end. Entirely different to going to a park alone.

So you would take your 9yo DS into the ladies' loos? I assume you wouldn't go into the men's

My DS2 aged 7 upwards would have no way gone into the ladies', quite right too IMO. Boys 8 and over are not allowed in the women's changing rooms at the pools I go to. What if there were a 9-10yo girl from his school in there? How embarrassing for all!

What exactly are you worrying about and when will that worry stop I wonder?

FWIW my DC walked home from junior school in yr4-5, the younger ones (yr 4) with their yr 6 sibling. Children were allowed to leave with or without a parent (infants was a separate school and children there were released only into care of parent or other adult)

I said earlier that I often wait outside the door. I would happily do that.
What am I worrying about?! I'm being a parent! I'm looking after my child. I consider 9 to be a child don't you?!

sing saying "I'm looking after my child" implies that you think that parents who make other choices aren't looking after their children properly. I don't know if that's what you mean, but that's how it comes across.

All the posters on this thread are 'being a parent' They just parent differently to you.

I don't think a parent who leaves a 9 year old in charge of a 7 year old at a park and drives away is being a parent no.

Oh sorry Singsong, we didn't realise you had the Perfect Parent award and are the leading authority if what makes a person a parent.

Do forgive our ignorance

Sorry I thought when you said outside the cubicle door you meant you were in the loos...

I agree with others, there are different ways to parent. Personally I am aware that I am lax (DS2 with a friend round to play; they ask for scissors - I give them the kitchen scissors, knowing that kiddie scissors would be rubbish for what they wanted - DS2's mate gasps, "DS2 has the kitchen scissors!" - they were 5-6 at the time) compared to some.

But I really want my kids to grow up with independence and resilience - as a secondary school teacher I see too many teenagers who seem sadly lacking in either quality - so from relatively young I gave them some rope, having carefully assessed the risks.

They are all older than 9 now but all, even the oldest (nearly 16) are still children. That doesn't mean I need to watch them to the loo to feel they are safe.

Grr that last sentence should say all, even the oldest, are still children

I didn't want to go to the park from juniors school age because one of my parents would come with me and that was bloody embarrassing when the rest of my school were there alone

its strange how some rural areaa are so risk averse
our kids can leave school alone from age 7, no letter from parents required
certainly nothing needed at secondary altho we were asked how kids would be collected at 1030pm after a school trip

At my children's school, children are only handed over to a parent/carer up to the end of P3 (so age 6 to 7). From the start of P4 onwards they walk out of the school grounds alone, I never see a teacher at pick up time. After P4 it is fairly unusual to see a child collected by a parent, unless they don't live within walking distance. The school write home occasionally asking parents to allow the children to walk/bike to and from school without parents, as they find it beneficial in building independence. All the primaries round here are the same, it's what the government guidance in our area hints at - it refers to not allowing children under 8 to go out alone, thereby implying that around the age of 8 is, depending on maturity of course, not out of the question.

I think it's poor that you never see a teacher at pick up time. At my daughter's school (recently awarded Outstanding by Ofsted) all of the teachers are on the playground at the end of the day. All of them. As a governor I know that the reason for this is partly to do with ensuring that the children have an adult to take them home but also to give the opportunity for a quick chat with a parent if needed. Parents being around at the start and end of a school day at juniors is, in my opinion, really important in supporting children in their education.

There's a lot of focus here on the end of the day and "what schools do". Schools do not have legal responsibility for your child at the end of the school day- you do!! Where would it end otherwise!! As I've stated already, at times in the day when schools DO have responsibility for your child (breaks, lunch, lessons) your child WILL be supervised and will not be allowed to wander off site alone.

We don't have Ofsted here (I'm in N Ireland) but my children's school is rated as our version of Ofsted outstanding too. I don't think it's poor at all that there are no teachers at pickup - why would there be, when most children aren't collected by a parent? (Sorry, not sure what age group you mean by juniors, it's not a term that's used in school here)

I know that my child is my responsibility - I only mentioned school because a previous poster was adamant that schools don't allow children to leave the premises unless they are handed over to an adult, and I was saying that in my area they are encouraged to walk home, without adults, from about the age of 8. If schools, in consultation with Dept of Education, are encouraging this, it would be a bit weird if a parent were suddenly considered guilty of neglect if the child had an accident on the way home.

I think it's normal that children of 9/10/11 are allowed to walk home from school on their own.

If I wanted a chat with the teacher I would go and find them. I wouldn't want to discuss my child in the playground.

And, in regards to the OP, I wouldn't leave a 7 and 9 year old at the park whilst I drove a car journey away either. But my 8 year old goes to the playground with her friends without adult supervision, whilst I am at home. It's not far away. They are in a group, and there are half a dozen houses almost overlooking it where they know the families and could ask for help if necessary. I've done the risk assessment and I'm willing to allow that little bit of independence.