AIBU 9 & 7 yr olds shouldn't ge left alone??

[eeyoreandpooh]

AMIBU to think it's not right to leave a 9yr old and 7yr old alone playing in a park while you go to the shop? Said shop is a car drive away - not just round the corner or over the road

The school analogy doesn't work because teachers also supervise secondary aged children. We have lunchtime supervisors and teachers aren't allowed to leave a classroom (even to nip to the loo) except for sixth form classes. If the argument is "schools do it so parents must", then you aren't actually allowed to leave your children unsupervised for even a minute until they are 16, and you must never leave them with an adult unless you have an up to date DBS check (including close friends / family members).

Food for thought though isn't it Jessica? Children up to 16 supervised in school constantly to ensure their safety. Parents on here happy to let 6 year olds go to the park alone.

Sinsong - no you misunderstand me.

I'm saying, that in some places you would expect there to be supervision, because that's the done thing, (reasons are irrelevant) and if that expected/promised supervision wasn't provided then that is a problem. At no point have I said that they shouldn't supervise.

Other situation could exist where you do not expect supervision of the child, and if you're fully aware of that, you then decide if you're happy with the situation.

At no point did I ever imply that teacher's shouldn't be supervising the playground.

As for child protection, schools are taking an extreme line, because of child protection issues, which reach far beyond just the child. and is really not the topic at hand.

The topic at hand is how long should a child of 9 be unsupervised? You say never, unless they're in your house with you, others say it's fine for short periods of time in the right situation depending on the maturity of the child.

If you are really suggesting that you will continue to supervise your children until the day they turn 16 all the time they are out of the house, then... good luck with that! :)

Of course I'm not saying that 001, and actually in secondary schools pupils aren't supervised directly at breaks and lunchtimes (although there's always a teacher doing duty somewhere near by). In primary though the supervision is much more direct. 9 and 7 year olds are primary age.

What are these 'child protection issues' that you refer to by the way?

To be fair, it's not just about generic 'safety', mostly it is to prevent bullying and damage to school property. When we go to a theme park at the end of the year we let them all roam free.

In yr 5 and 6 (ages 9-11) my nephew's primary lets the kids go home without an adult. So I'd say at those ages then 10 mins alone in a park is practically state-sanctioned. I wouldn't trust my nephew though (he's 7), but I've no idea if he's typical for a 7 year old, and I imagine there are some who are more responsible than him.

"Roam free" or walk around in groups with a contact point where teachers are to be found Jessica (secondary school teacher here too!)

They can go in groups, pairs, alone, it's totally up to them. They have a contact point (like kids in a park can go home). It takes about 20 mins to walk from the furthest point back to a teacher (assuming they don't get lost!)

Would you imagine primary staff would do the same with 9 and 7 year olds?

Unlikely. But, as I said, they do let 9 year olds walk home alone. And (also as I said) I'm not so sure about a 7 year old.

My Dd1 is 9 and it's only now I'm letting her out to the park(a street away) as long as she's with her cousin,(he's 5months older)and had a phone with her

As you know I'm sure Jessica, staff aren't responsible for the welfare of children after the school day has ended. It's not really up to the school to decide how children get home is it.

Well they won't release younger children unless there is a specified adult there to pick them up (dsis had to call them when I did an emergency pick up for her). So they take some responsibility for the children after school hours. If a parent didn't turn up for a reception aged child they wouldn't just kick them out on the street and say "it's after 3.30 so not my responsibility".

Singsong I am interested - do I read you right that you accompany your 9yo DD to the loo when out and about?

If that is what you meant, when will you stop? And would you do the same if you had a DS?

Absolutely yes I do. I don't go in cubicles with her but I do wait outside the door. Surely that's decent parenting?

Yes of course I do. She's 9. Of course I don't let her wander around shops etc on her own. I wait outside cubicles or outside the main door. And of course I would do the same if I had a 9 year old son as he too would be 9.

I grew up with a risk averse, smothering parent.
To be honest it was bloody dangerous.
We have worked on baby steps of independence from.a young age.
Dc's are growing up to be independent and resilient .
Clearly I am.neglectfull .
Having had an over supervised childhood and observed some of my dc's friends who cant cope and whose lack of ability to manage the most simple situations I know what I prefer.

I'm not a smothering parent! I'm just a parent.

sing, if you think that's best for your 9 year old then that is your decision. But it does sound like you are questioning the capability of other parents who make different decisions. As I said up thread, schools don't have the same requirements of 'handing over' 9 year olds as they do for younger children, which seems to suggest that a fair few 9 year olds are fine to be alone in public places.

But 9 year olds are supervised aren't they, at breaks and such. People are in fact paid to do so. At my daughter's school 9 year olds are most definitely handed over to a parent. As I've said previously, there is a point in the day at which teachers are no longer responsible for children and parents are.

sing, I think you are wrong about that. For young children, the school are responsible until the child is handed over to another adult. If the parents don't turn up a member of staff stays until it's time to call social services. The school actively prevent the child from being alone regardless of what the parent deems appropriate.

For older children, that changes and from 3.30 schools recognise that some parents might be comfortable with their children walking home alone and it is none of their business to prevent that from happening. For my nephew's school that is yr 5 (ages 9-10).

I speak not as an aunty but as a parent and I can tell you that at my daughter's school that is not the case. To give you an example, last week my husband forgot that there was no club on a certain night and so didn't appear to collect her. The school phoned him and me and kept hold of her until we got there. Our house is visible from the school so no issues of transport. Staff come into the playground with their classes every night at her school. No children, literally none, walk home alone until year 6 and only then after a letter from a parent to state this will happen and that parents are responsible. This is a small village school in a quiet rural area.

sing, so in your DDs school it is 10 rather 9. Your DDs school say it's okay for kids to walk home alone at 10 with parental permission. So why all the stress if some parents feel their children are capable of being allowed to the park / loo alone at 9? Your DD might not be, but that doesn't mean no 9 year olds are.

At my nephews school it is 9 when they are allowed home alone. Not sure what my being an aunt rather than a mother has got to do with the school's policy though.

Year 6 with a letter absolving responsibility from the school.

Should add, my 9 year old daughter is in year 4 so a while to go yet.

Must also say, I'm a secondary school pastoral head. At my secondary school pupils aren't allowed off site at lunchtimes until they are in year 11 unless a parent/carer collects them.

At the end of the school day they make their own way on buses or walking but parents are still asked to notify the school of which.