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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

completely spiteful auntie

72 replies

bigfam · 11/04/2015 07:37

I've posted about her before, she's my other half's little sister, but this time I'm completely shocked at her behaviour.

She comes round to play with our kids quite often, and whilst round the other day my 6 year olds tablet got smashed, the story is;
They were sat on the stairs and auntie 'double dared' my dd1 to kick dd2 (who's 3) down the stairs while she was holding the tablet, dd1 refused and said that auntie then kicked HER and she accidently knocked dd2. My 6 year old just wouldn't lie but on top of that dd2 also told me 'auntie kicked me down the stairs ' and she definitely wouldn't lie either, basically because she doesn't understand a lie, iyswim.
Anyway when I asked what happened auntie went on the defensive, stomping round and wouldn't talk so I left her alone.
When mil came to get her I told her what had happened but she was more concerned with her dd being upset, and when she came round today (mil) with her dd she had the balls to be sarky and say '_ don't go near anything electrical for goods sake'
Its not just the fact my 6 yo's tablet is broken, that actually pales in comparison to the fact that my kids auntie deliberately tried to push/get pushed a 3 yo old down the stairs!
Sorry for the rant, I'm just still furious.

I don't want her round anymore, is that unreasonable?

OP posts:
Aussiemum78 · 11/04/2015 07:40

How old is she?

whothehellknows · 11/04/2015 07:40

I remember your previous post, and I'm surprised you still allow her into your house!

straighttothepoint · 11/04/2015 07:40

I would keep the kids away from her. How old is she?

straighttothepoint · 11/04/2015 07:42

Oh yes, I remember this auntie. Isn't she the one who says the nasty things to them? If so, Why the hell are you still allowing her to be with your kids alone?

Cornettoninja · 11/04/2015 07:43

How old is she??

Tbh the only difference age would make is my feeling she could learn. Anything over the age of 12 would earn a full on ban, under would be a temporary ban with an emphasis on how upset I was and how unkind she'd been.

I really hope she's only a child herself, otherwise she's got some serious issues treating and teaching children behaviour like that. I would happily take on any sulking or feuding a ban would ignite.

Humansatnav · 11/04/2015 07:45

YADNBU, how old is she ?

MagelanicClouds · 11/04/2015 07:45

She was encouraging your daughter to push her younger sister down the stairs?
When she didn't get her own way she did it?

Surely this has to be your final straw! It's lucky the tablet was the only thing broken! I have seen your previous threads and my only advice is - keep calm and ban the woman from your house.

NoPsipsinaChocolateOrange · 11/04/2015 07:47

BAN HER

Original poster
bigfam · 11/04/2015 07:47

She's 11, I decided last time I was being a bit ott ( was heavily pregnant and hormonal) how do I explain to mil I don't want her here though, she seems to not take it to seriously?!

OP posts:
karatekimmi · 11/04/2015 07:49

Forget the tablet - she was trying to get one child to kick the other down the stairs? She would not be allowed back in the house until she could prove she had grown up - maybe in 5 - 10 years.

Put your foot down. She kicked your child down the stairs.

What does DH say?

karatekimmi · 11/04/2015 07:50

Just say "she is not ever coming in my house again" and if she tries turns up with her, don't open the door.

CinnabarRed · 11/04/2015 07:50

You don't explain to MIL; that's for your OH to do. (I assume your OH feels the same way you do.)

Original poster
bigfam · 11/04/2015 07:54

I won't go into what oh said, let's just say I thought I was furious

OP posts:
MagelanicClouds · 11/04/2015 07:58

Physical agression is serious!
Tell her once that you will not have her in your house or near your children.
Tell her enough is enough, you've been more than patient with her.
Completely ignore her from now on, if you're forced to be in her presence, avoid even that if you can.
There will be emotional responses no doubt but you must be firm and strong and calm. Your daughters emotional and physical wellbeing are now at stake.
Make sure your OH is fully on your side.

Original poster
bigfam · 11/04/2015 08:03

My oh has firmly told his mum not to come here with his sister again, but yesterday she just breezed in with her like it was fine. I don't care about the computer, I literally can't believe she'd intentionally try to hurt my three year old.

OP posts:
NoPsipsinaChocolateOrange · 11/04/2015 08:03

Oh she's a kid - that's a bit different, but I stand by what I said. You cannot have this happening in your house.

It doesn't matter how seriously anyone takes you. It's still your house, your decision and you can enforce it.

PeachyPants · 11/04/2015 08:06

What a horrible situation to be put in, I'd echo what others have said, you need to keep her away from your DC, this could have been so much worse than a broken tablet. As it's OH's side of the family he needs to explain why. It doesn't matter whether your MIL makes excuses or trivialises this YANBU. Hope your DC are ok it's good that they can tell you honestly what happened but now you need to respond and protect them to show that you respond when they confide in you.

MagelanicClouds · 11/04/2015 08:08

Do they have keys to your house?

Quitelikely · 11/04/2015 08:08

The fact that her mother has refused to acknowledge what she did is an absolute disgrace.

She's ruining her own child yet she can't see it.

Why can't your oh tell his mother that it's a disgrace his sister pushed two young girls down the stairs.

The tablet thing. I would be furious. She instigated the whole thing. So imo it was her fault.

If she is going to be coming round the house you should insist she stays where you can see her.

11 or not. My dd would never do something so spiteful and nasty.

Ginmartini · 11/04/2015 08:09

Grow a pair and tell MIL she CANNOT come to your house while her daughter is posing such a risk to your very young kids. Don't back down.

As an aside, I feel very sorry for this child who obviously has issues and a mother (and father?) that is either causing them or turning a blind eye to them.

Quitelikely · 11/04/2015 08:09

What did the mother have to say about the stair incident ?

Original poster
bigfam · 11/04/2015 08:10

Thanks peachy, maybe if mil heard it from me rather than her son, she'd take it more seriously. It's not nice because the outcome is none of my children will see their grandparents now, I know my mil, and if I tell her that dd is not allowed round anymore- she won't come round either

OP posts:
Original poster
bigfam · 11/04/2015 08:13

She jokingly told her dd 'not to go near anything electrical'
Completely bypassing the fact that she'd kicked/tried to get my dd to kick a three year old down the stairs

OP posts:
Humansatnav · 11/04/2015 08:14

That's not normal behavior from an 11 yr old. Id be telling mil that as well.

shewept · 11/04/2015 08:18

Does she behave like this when mil is around? Or just when she is left there without mil?