Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

completely spiteful auntie

72 replies

bigfam · 11/04/2015 07:37

I've posted about her before, she's my other half's little sister, but this time I'm completely shocked at her behaviour.

She comes round to play with our kids quite often, and whilst round the other day my 6 year olds tablet got smashed, the story is;
They were sat on the stairs and auntie 'double dared' my dd1 to kick dd2 (who's 3) down the stairs while she was holding the tablet, dd1 refused and said that auntie then kicked HER and she accidently knocked dd2. My 6 year old just wouldn't lie but on top of that dd2 also told me 'auntie kicked me down the stairs ' and she definitely wouldn't lie either, basically because she doesn't understand a lie, iyswim.
Anyway when I asked what happened auntie went on the defensive, stomping round and wouldn't talk so I left her alone.
When mil came to get her I told her what had happened but she was more concerned with her dd being upset, and when she came round today (mil) with her dd she had the balls to be sarky and say '_ don't go near anything electrical for goods sake'
Its not just the fact my 6 yo's tablet is broken, that actually pales in comparison to the fact that my kids auntie deliberately tried to push/get pushed a 3 yo old down the stairs!
Sorry for the rant, I'm just still furious.

I don't want her round anymore, is that unreasonable?

OP posts:

Box5883284322679964228 · 11/04/2015 08:19

Stand firm.

Original poster

bigfam · 11/04/2015 08:21

Only when she's left

OP posts:

shewept · 11/04/2015 08:46

What about telling mil she can only come round if mil is staying?

Aeroflotgirl · 11/04/2015 08:51

She sounds like a very spiteful girl, at that age she should know right from wrong. I would not want her in my house again, she told your dd to do something very dangerous, and she tried to knock your dd down the stairs with the tablet.

AliceLidl · 11/04/2015 08:51

Start locking your doors, so they can't just 'breeze in'.

And if they have keys, get your locks changed.

And actually, perhaps they are better off not seeing a grandparent who doesn't care that a child twice the age of one child and three times the age of the other is happy to kick either of them down the stairs.

MuddledMavis · 11/04/2015 08:56

If she comes round by herself-sorry the children don't want to play today.

If she comes round with mil don't let her go and play with your children without you present and each time she says or does things nastily tell her it's unacceptable and if she isn't kind she won't be able to come and play again the same way you would your own child (or I would-maybe its just me).

When mil asks why you are being so nasty to her precious child, tell her straight 'we're not being nasty mil but dh has spojen to you about this and until she learns to be nice to the children we don't want her to come and play with them. Asking for the 6 y/o to push the 3y/o down the stairs is disgusting but to then kick both children herself when 6 y/o refused it blows it out the water. At 11 she knows the difference between right and wrong and I'm not inviting her into my home to be nasty to my children.'

MuddledMavis · 11/04/2015 08:59

*we're not inviting her into our home to be nasty to our children and break their things...'

KatieKaye · 11/04/2015 09:03

DN is deliberately trying to make one child hurt the other. At 11 she is well aware that kicking people is not on and that falling down stairs is dangerous.

"Sorry, MIL, but DN can't come in. You know what happened last time and we simply cannot risk her trying to hurt our children again. We don't care about the damage to the tablet but we do care that she deliberately puts our children in dangerous situations."

Short and sweet. She does sound spiteful. Until DN realises there are consequences to her behaviour it could get worse and worse until it results in serious injury. She could also instill in your older DD the thought that it is "funny" to hurt her little sister.

Satsumafairy · 11/04/2015 09:07

Agree with others. Call the MIL, reiterate what happened the other day and say that as a result she is not allowed over unless accompanied by MIL. Make it really obvious that you mean it. 11 is definitely old enough to know what she's doing.

Patapouf · 11/04/2015 20:15

Auntie is a bit misleading in your title tbh, implies it's an adult.
Spitefult behaviour yes, but she is a child. Don't let her round your house!

NanaNina · 11/04/2015 20:55

Well I know I'm putting the cat among the pigeons here but I don't think it's reasonable to ban the 11 year old and your MIL (strange how it's become a mil bashing thread - not really though!) You don't know exactly what happened and children do sometimes say things that aren't quite right. The girl sounds like she might be jealous of the LOs. Why can't you make sure you or DH is always around when the 11 year old visits. And why do you all think that MIL isn't going to try to protect her daughter - that's what we all do as mothers isn't it - why should she be any different - because she's a MIL I reckon!

Maybe the 11 year old who is still a child by the way senses your dislike of her and that causes some of her behaviour that you describe. Have you tried being nicer to her, and she might be nicer to the children then.

MoanCollins · 11/04/2015 20:57

Tell MIL she can't come round any more.

It's not normal for an 11 year old and I think your OH needs to do detective work with his sister to find out what's going on in her life and having a really good sit down and talk with her.

I would worry that she is being exposed to violence either at school or at home. She's learning this from somewhere. Or there could be emotional or behavioural issues which need attention from a GP.

She can't be left alone with your children but I would worry that she is also vulnerable in some way.

Original poster

bigfam · 11/04/2015 21:05

I never been anything but nice to her, and it sort of seems like you're suggesting it's my fault that she'd want to hurt one of my children?
It's also nothing to do with the fact she's my mil, it's her blatant disregard for what happened, she basically wouldn't acknowledge it.
I'm not going to risk her being around my kids anymore, just on an off chance she might be nicer if she was treated differently. And yes, she's a child but at 11 a child knows exactly how dangerous it is to intentionally push someone downstairs.

OP posts:

BifsWif · 11/04/2015 21:07

Just tell your MIL she is not welcome in your house anymore. I don't see why there is any hesitation in doing so, she tried to force one of your children down the stairs for gods sake!

If anyone, family or otherwise, did that to my DS I wouldn't be waiting for DH to say something, they'd have been made to leave the house immediately and told in no uncertain terms not to return. It is your job to protect your children, if that hurts someone's feelings then so be it.

Why did you let her back in the day after?

BifsWif · 11/04/2015 21:08

Force? I meant push - I don't even know what happened there!

Original poster

bigfam · 11/04/2015 21:08

*I've.
I think it's got a lot to do with the group of girls she's friends with in school.

OP posts:

base9 · 11/04/2015 21:11

You don't want her round your dc and your dh also does not want her around your dc. What is the problem? Just do not let her in the house anymore.

Original poster

bigfam · 11/04/2015 21:12

Mil just came round the back with her in tow.
My oh has since come home to tell me that his mum and dad wanted to go to the cinema but can't as '(my name) hates (aunties name) and won't watch her'
Bit petty for a 50 something year old

OP posts:

BifsWif · 11/04/2015 21:16

Your MIL needs to grow up.

That is not normal 11 year old behaviour, she could have seriously hurt, or worse, one of your children. Please stand your ground and do not let her near them again.

Icimoi · 11/04/2015 21:18

What happened? Did you refuse to let her in?

Original poster

bigfam · 11/04/2015 21:19

I don't hate her at all, I'm disgusted at her behaviour, but if that's what mil wants to believe and it stops her from bringing her round, then I'll leave it as is

OP posts:

Original poster

bigfam · 11/04/2015 21:21

No yesterday she just walked in, today she was dropping hints to oh that she wanted a babysitter and when she said I wouldn't watch her because I hate her, he left it at that.

OP posts:

MarwoodsMate · 11/04/2015 21:26

Yanbu. I would feel the same; wouldn't really care if mil said I detested auntie and wouldn't want auntie in my house or left alone with DCs.

Clutterbugsmum · 11/04/2015 22:13

I'd be inclined to say I would babysit, on the understanding that you will be explaining to DN what exactly she did and the consequences of will happen if she so much as looks at my dd's again.

Including the fact that as she is 11 that she can be held criminal responsible for any harm to your dd's and that the police will be involved in any further abuse.

And see then if MIL would like you to baby sit her.

lithewire · 11/04/2015 22:35

MIL needs to understand that it's not normal for an 11 year old to try to, or encourage someone else to, push a 3 year old down some stairs!

Flip

1 2 3