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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder which partner is in the wrong?

61 replies

bubblypop · 10/04/2015 23:07

OK, a married couple, 2 primary school aged DCs, each of the couple works full time hours.

Person A does all of the housework, childcare, food shopping, cooking, laundry, organises everything within the house, deals with the children when they are ill, plus everything else needed to keep the household running. Person B has long since disengaged themselves from doing any of this. Person A is very resentful at having to do everything, otherwise it does not get done. Person B will not discuss it or make any compromises.

Person B thinks that Person A is a total nag, and is out of order asking the to do anything regarding caring for their DCs or in the house. Person B has threatened several times to leave Person A when Person A has asked B to do something such as stack the dishwasher or bath one of the children, as it is apparently unfair to stop them from relaxing and to order them around and that they don't have to do anything in the house if they don't want to.

Who is in the wrong??

OP posts:
Fairylea · 10/04/2015 23:09

Person B is an arse. Obviously.

Fairenuff · 10/04/2015 23:13

Person A is unreasonable for continuing to accept this situation.

Person B is happy with the situation.

bakingaddict · 10/04/2015 23:14

Do you really not know the answer

OwlinaTree · 10/04/2015 23:14

Do you know these people or are you writing a play? Wink

Dr0pThePirate · 10/04/2015 23:15

The man.

tartyflette · 10/04/2015 23:15

Person A could on on strike? (Take themselves off for an afternoon or evening) See what B does or does not do?

Original poster
bubblypop · 10/04/2015 23:17

Well obviously I am person A

DH is person B

He has once again this evening threatened to leave me because I asked him to put our 6 year old to bed as I was doing other things at the time. Apparently I am out of order for stopping him from relaxing.

OP posts:
RedSoloCup · 10/04/2015 23:17

person a = woman
person b = man

Icimoi · 10/04/2015 23:18

Bubblypop, you don't seriously think you're hiding who A and B are, do you?

Fairenuff · 10/04/2015 23:18

Take him up on his offer OP.

Icimoi · 10/04/2015 23:18

Sorry, cross post. But really, that explanation wasn't necessary, neither was the whole A and B thing.

Icimoi · 10/04/2015 23:19

Have you asked him why it is in order for you to be stopped from relaxing?

tartyflette · 10/04/2015 23:20

I can't see that you're going to be much worse even if he does leave, TBH.

Fairylea · 10/04/2015 23:20

So when are you supposed to relax? Why does his relaxing take presidency over yours? Grrr. Just no. He's being an idiot.

Both parties should have equal leisure time or "down" time.

tartyflette · 10/04/2015 23:20

Worse OFF, that is.

OwlinaTree · 10/04/2015 23:21

Could person a call person b's bluff and say OK then, see you.

bluebellforest · 10/04/2015 23:21

Well, I would show him the fucking door and hoped it slammed his useless arse on the way out.

HolgerDanske · 10/04/2015 23:21

Did you show him the door and hand him his suitcase?

arethereanyleftatall · 10/04/2015 23:22

So, why don't you say 'off you go then'?

IFinishedTheBiscuits · 10/04/2015 23:22

I was convinced that a gender reveal was coming up. That A was male and B female. That use of 'nag' was a red herring.

Triliteral · 10/04/2015 23:23

Next time he threatens to leave, help him pack his bags so he can do it quickly. I realise you shouldn't have to as he's a grown man, however that way he'll be out of the house much sooner, thus instantly reducing your workload.

cestlavielife · 10/04/2015 23:24

Tell person b to leave then .

Dr0pThePirate · 10/04/2015 23:25

What dad would begrudge his six year old a bath or a bedtime story? Sad

Would the whole family be better off if he did piss off for good. It's not like your load would get any heavier? Flowers

DoJo · 10/04/2015 23:29

Wouldn't it be nice to have one less person to clear up after and shop for? It sounds like your children would be better of not being constantly exposed to someone who exhibits so little care for them too. It must be tough for you all. Flowers

ItsADinosaur · 10/04/2015 23:30

Have you asked him when you are supposed to relax?

For God's sake take him up on his offer and let him leave. What a useless lazy arse.