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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be really pissed off with people ignoring my DS

84 replies

Poolbirthx2 · 10/04/2015 20:39

Ds (4 years), dd (11 months) and myself have been on a couple of trips out this week in the nice weather. I must have met at least four separate people who have gone out their way to say how cute dd is and oh she is gorgeous etc, while my ds is stood there looking and them and not a word to him until i make a point.

AIBU to feel so sad and angry.

OP posts:

Mumyum1 · 10/04/2015 23:21

YANBU
My DS is 16mo and people describe him as 'beautiful' and I'm always being stopped and complimented on him. He's very engaging although he doesn't say much (in coherent English) everyone can understand his 'hiya!' But I do find it shocking how many people (seemingly) ignore him when he greets them. Once a lady 'ignored' him twice in Sainsburys and he subsequently screamed 'Hiya!' At her - she blushed and gushed over him so profusely as other people started laughing. I do notice he becomes frustrated and sometimes cries at the lack of response in some people but I tell him they are thinking other things and forgot to say hello back which is most likely true, that they have other things on their mind. But there are some people who are just sour and I tell him, don't worry son they are having a bad day and I say it out loud. I do think it can be crushing for a child to feel ignored. You know your child best. So if you feel that he would rather be engaged when people stop for his sister, then you are not being unreasonable at all. If they could be bothered to comment on the baby they should be bothered to say something to the little chap.
I used to be one of those people who never bothered with other people's children until I had my own. Personally if no one stopped me to tell me how cute my son is I really would not care. It's when he feels crushed at being ignored that I am bothered.

CactusAnnie · 11/04/2015 00:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BackOnPlanetEarth · 11/04/2015 00:04

I have a solution - Carry a kitten with you then everyone will ignore both children.

Italiangreyhound · 11/04/2015 00:07

Children are cute. People who are insensitive to children, not so much!

TowerRavenSeven · 11/04/2015 00:13

FWIW I don't think you are BU. I always speak to the eldest child first and do a quick "Aw how cute" to the baby (even though it's really the baby I want to see to be honest). I figure the baby won't understand why I don't fawn over them and I just want to make the eldest feel good about themselves when the situation the OP posted probably happens frequently.

Mumyum1 · 11/04/2015 00:32

Cactus my how prickly you are .... To each their own I guess. Life will make the poor kids jaded enough as it is without needing strangers to make them feel like shit while they are so young. Someone who deliberately ignores a child who tries to engage with them should be ashamed of themselves. I wouldn't be surprised if you were an advocate of crying it out as a sleep training method. Because heaven forbid a child with a developing psyche should crave attention at inappropriate times right.

stoopstoconker · 11/04/2015 00:41

I agree with the kitten idea. Or perhaps a bunny.

Only1scoop · 11/04/2015 00:42

'Cries at the lack of response in some people'

Wow I can kind of see where he gets that from.

BackforGood · 11/04/2015 00:42

I think YABU too.

That said, my instinct is to chat to older dc too or anyone who can't get away from me quick enough but I've been on MN too long now, and realise that merely speaking to a stranger's dc in a shop or a park is likely to get you into all sorts of trouble, abuse, and criticism. If for a minute you thought all thinks people complained about on MN were the same in RL, then I'm only surprised that anyone comments on your baby, not that they don't risk speaking to an actual child.

squoosh · 11/04/2015 00:49

You've never found a dog cute?

You're the strange one OP. Studies have shown that the average dog is 67.89 times cuter than a human child.

squoosh · 11/04/2015 00:53

I do notice he becomes frustrated and sometimes cries at the lack of response in some people but I tell him they are thinking other things and forgot to say hello back which is most likely true, that they have other things on their mind. But there are some people who are just sour and I tell him, don't worry son they are having a bad day and I say it out loud.

Yikes that's made me cringe. Why teach your child that affirmation from a stranger is so important?

EugenesAxe · 11/04/2015 00:56

Personally, I see your point. I often go a bit gushy about babies and then think of ways to engage the siblings, so they aren't pissed off with the disparity in attention.

PoppyBlossom - no I wouldn't buy double presents, for the record ;)

I agree you need to give boundaries and that children should know when to shut up/ not expect attention, but I think random and unlooked-for adoration of one sibling will be noticed and quite possibly resented by any others, if they are completely shut out.

Ooothatsnice · 11/04/2015 07:01

I bet your son couldn't give a rats arse that people are apparently fawning all over his baby sister. In fact he's probably used to it by now as that usually happens with a new baby.

CactusAnnie · 11/04/2015 07:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pilates · 11/04/2015 07:55

Coumarin · 11/04/2015 08:36

Some posts reminding me of this

To be really pissed off with people ignoring my DS

Gileswithachainsaw · 11/04/2015 08:41

Alisvolatpropiis · 11/04/2015 09:20

Mumsnet is really weird this weekend.

pearpotter · 11/04/2015 09:25

4 year olds are not cute - what?

arethereanyleftatall · 11/04/2015 09:30

Really cringy posts from mum yum. Just yuck. That they should expect attention from everyone is an awful thing to teach your child. I am 100% confident other people don't find your could cute. And your passive aggressive reaction to that poor lady is just rude. I really hope you're joking.

Nanny0gg · 11/04/2015 11:39

So if you're out with your partner or a friend and someone stops to chat to them, would you not be put out if they didn't even acknowledge your existence with a brief 'hello' or something?

I would think it rude. No different because it's a child.

catnipkitty · 11/04/2015 11:43

I always had people commenting on the cuteness of my ID twins and ignoring their sister who was only a year older. Sometimes I would say pointedly "And this is their sister" but mostly she hated the attention from strangers anyway (and still does aged 11!).

Ginmartini · 11/04/2015 11:53

Just when you think you've heard it all...

So to cross off another thing you can't comment on to mums and mums-to-be I have to add 'can only talk to all siblings, not one child in a family or ignore them all'. OK gotcha.

ByronBaby · 11/04/2015 12:07

Gosh, I bet those nice chatty strangers will be crossing the road next time they see you coming with all the point making.

Only1scoop · 11/04/2015 12:08

Got visions of the odd person having a quick glance at cute baby ....and then getting other dc pulled out from back of buggies and thrust in front of them.... For a quick compliment or 'hello'

What tiring lives some have

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