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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be peeved at parents that don't parent

76 replies

porridgefromhell · 10/04/2015 20:04

NC for this one as I'll definitely be outing myself. I'm a library assistant that runs a fortnightly sensory play session, I do this because I love to, because it's an important part of child development and because I know I would have loved something like this when my DD was a preschooler. I pay for most materials out of my own pocket because our library budget doesn't allow for it and for the most part I can reuse materials.

Apart from today that is. One of the children completely ruined everything for late comers and that's never happened before, they essentially just mixed everything together (sand, rainbow oats, water, paint, shaving foam, playdough. Everything. All of it.) in a sensory play tub and them dumped it all out on the library floor. While all of this was going on the mum was sat there absorbed in her phone and chatting with the other mums, not interacting with her demon child at all. None of the other kids got to enjoy anything I'd set up and while I appreciate that I'll have to clean up a bit of mess, this was ridiculous. Nothing can be reused and my librarian has said that if it happens again then no more sensory play, all because of one selfish mum that views us like glorified childminders instead of as the people that facilitate her to enjoy this experience with her child.

OP posts:
PourquoiTuGachesTaVie · 10/04/2015 20:07

Sensory play in a library sounds like a recipe for disaster.

Crazyqueenofthecatladies · 10/04/2015 20:07

That is so dispiriting for you and the other children. Did the mother look vaguely embarrassed and help clean up? YA definitely NBU, I'd have been livid.

tippytappywriter · 10/04/2015 20:08

Whilst I'm not defending the mother could you not have given the child some guidance or did you not see it happening? It takes a village and all that.

Original poster
porridgefromhell · 10/04/2015 20:10

Our library isn't a quiet library iyswim. Every other occasion it's been great, I made slime that lasted 4 sessions (stored in fridge between sessions) it's very popular, kids love it and it gets them into the library, they'll usually stay after clean up and spend time choosing books together.

The mum said nothing, didn't offer to help clean up (I wouldn't have accepted but besides the point.) She's essentially spoiled the afternoon of 15 other kids because she couldn't be bothered to keep an eye on her own.

OP posts:
SurlyCue · 10/04/2015 20:11

Who was supervising the play? Surely you dont just stand back and watch the kids play?

Original poster
porridgefromhell · 10/04/2015 20:12

It's not my job to parent another mums kids. I'll step in if I'm concerned they'll hurt themselves and I take the time to show the kids how everything works, give prompts, but we're understaffed and I have other responsibilities.

OP posts:
mynameisnotmichaelcaine · 10/04/2015 20:14

Did you give the child an indication that their behaviour was unacceptable?

mynameisnotmichaelcaine · 10/04/2015 20:15

Well, then surely you should have had a word with the mum?

MythicalKings · 10/04/2015 20:15

You should have said something the moment the DC began to misbehave. The you could have told her he won't be welcome again.

SurlyCue · 10/04/2015 20:15

No, not parent the children, supervise the sensory play that YOU organised! What did you do when the child started messing it up? Surely you dont set it up and walk away? If so then i really dont think you have the resources for a sensory play station in your library.

Original poster
porridgefromhell · 10/04/2015 20:16

We make it clear that it's parent supervised, we provide the facilities, but it's an activity for children and their parents. No other parent has had an issue with getting their heads around this. We have signs and everything, it's made clear in promotional materials. all other parents have responded really well, saying how lovely it is that we do this, that it's not something they'd do at home.

OP posts:
NynaevesSister · 10/04/2015 20:17

You need to be firm with the child but more importantly with the mother. Did you ask the child to stop? Did you say something to the mother? If so then you should refuse entry to the event next time. Explain why to the head librarian and refer the mother to her if she has a problem. I am sure she will support her.

Be very clear to the mother - smile, keep voice calm, explain that the mess created last time means her child cannot participate. You are sorry but you have been told just one more mess and the entire session will be closed for all children.

CultureSucksDownWords · 10/04/2015 20:17

Did you make it clear to the parents at the start how you wanted the materials kept apart? If not, then the mum presumably wouldn't have known to worry about it, and none of them know that you pay for the materials!

tippytappywriter · 10/04/2015 20:17

I think that you should have said something to the mum. You saw her chatting with other mums and on the phone an watched equipment being spoiled? Surely you could have stepped in if not to parent then to protect the equipment. By the way I would be v peeved too.

Hamiltoes · 10/04/2015 20:18

Do the mums understand that completely though?

I'd be a bit Confused if I was at something like that and the other mums were sitting about chatting. Obviously if I seen my child do that I'd put a stop to it, but they might not have known you werent the one "supervising". I can imagine some people would find it annoying if they were running something and mums kept butting in every 5 minutes. Obviously in this case her butting in would have been good but she maybe didn't realise she was supposed to be keeping a close eye.

Original poster
porridgefromhell · 10/04/2015 20:18

I'm usually around the area, but we were really shorthanded today (understaffed anyway and staff sickness.) We couldn't cancel the session at short notice and I got stuck dealing with a computer enquiry (SN adult, jobseekers online issue.)

OP posts:
SurlyCue · 10/04/2015 20:18

Ok well if that is the case then why on earth didnt you intervene when you SAW the child messing and the mum ignoring? You should have pointed out the notices and asked her to supervise her child. Why didnt you?

NynaevesSister · 10/04/2015 20:19

OK now that I've read more I would definitely refuse entry next time. You may relent if she clearly promises to supervise her child. But do explain that as a consequence of last time, you are facing closure entirely, and that it is not acceptable.

TheSecretCervix · 10/04/2015 20:19

How old was the child? I think it's a bit harsh for you to call any preschooler a 'demon.'
Sensory play is an experience play - have you had any training in this? I only ask because creating set structures to what can and can't be put together kind of ruins the point of it.

NynaevesSister · 10/04/2015 20:21

YABU btw. The mother was clearly in the wrong. You are over worked and trying to do a good thing. All 15 other parents were able to do this. It is not your fault and I fail to see why people are being hard on you.

Original poster
porridgefromhell · 10/04/2015 20:21

And yes, all made very clear from the start, this mum was one of the first ones in so took the kids through all materials, explained to mum it was parent supervised, like I say, this is the first time this has happened, mum clearly saw other mums interacting with their own children, saw no staff around, all explained to her, still let child run riot without intervention.

OP posts:
NynaevesSister · 10/04/2015 20:21

YANBU!!! Stupid phone.

SurlyCue · 10/04/2015 20:21

Well then im afraid i dont think you have the resources to run it as it clearly needs more staff attention than can be spared. Clearly poor communication initially and you were unable to intervene when there was a problem.

SurlyCue · 10/04/2015 20:24

Xpost. Ok so you went through it with her at the start, fair enough. Not excusing her, she was being lazy (or possibly just very distracted for whatever reason) but i think staff need to be "on hand" for that sort of thing tbh.

TheSecretCervix · 10/04/2015 20:24

Ahh sorry I just reread and saw it was dumped on the floor - that part isn't great but probably wasn't done in malice by the child.

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