to be peeved at parents that don't parent

[porridgefromhell]

NC for this one as I'll definitely be outing myself. I'm a library assistant that runs a fortnightly sensory play session, I do this because I love to, because it's an important part of child development and because I know I would have loved something like this when my DD was a preschooler. I pay for most materials out of my own pocket because our library budget doesn't allow for it and for the most part I can reuse materials.

Apart from today that is. One of the children completely ruined everything for late comers and that's never happened before, they essentially just mixed everything together (sand, rainbow oats, water, paint, shaving foam, playdough. Everything. All of it.) in a sensory play tub and them dumped it all out on the library floor. While all of this was going on the mum was sat there absorbed in her phone and chatting with the other mums, not interacting with her demon child at all. None of the other kids got to enjoy anything I'd set up and while I appreciate that I'll have to clean up a bit of mess, this was ridiculous. Nothing can be reused and my librarian has said that if it happens again then no more sensory play, all because of one selfish mum that views us like glorified childminders instead of as the people that facilitate her to enjoy this experience with her child.

I am very sorry it happened though, hopefully if you spot them entering next time you can tell them they need to keep an eye or not take part. Maybe not so messy stuff next few weeks and see if you can fact it again at some point ;)

Jokes on me really, I'm running a science activity next week (oh god baking soda volcanoes. )

Why do I do this to myself?

OP I agree with you.
Pp saying "you organised it so it's your problem", er no, it's your problem and responsibility as a parent to make sure your kids behave wherever you go and not spoil things for everyone else. It's not difficult is it.
The mum is at fault here. You are not a childminder!

I am always having to find new and inventive ways of stopping other peoples kids attempting to hurt other people at soft play etc because their own "responsible" adult is face deep in instagraming their coffee/whatsapping their mates. And I don't even facilitate a (lovely sounding) group out of my own money like the OP, I am just a parent who likes to interact with my kid.

I have even had one kid go out of soft play and try to get their parent to tell ME off for stopping them biting a baby and kicking a toddler down a slide. YANBU OP. Some parents are lazy, stinking dick faces with kids who aren't very nice because they are being parented by an arsehole.

It doesn't sound like your boss is particularly thrilled by the whole Sensory Play idea, if just one (annoying, but not entirely unpredictable) incident threatens the whole scheme.

Why don't you look to retrain as a Sensory Play therapist? I know one, she travels around loads of different schools in our area with a huge box of sensory toys. She loves it.

Some parents are lazy, stinking dick faces with kids who aren't very nice because they are being parented by an arsehole

What a picture you paint with your words.

Yanbu tell this lazy arsed excuse for a mother her child cannot take part in the session. Shit for her dc but maybe she might get the message that Her lazy arsed parenting is not acceptable or reasonable.

Is sensory play appropriate in a library environment? It wouldn't be in ours.

We have a lovely story time with colouring after. During which I choose my library books and 3 year old is perfectly happy.

He enjoys sensory play at preschool & on v rare occasion when I do it at home.

If a kid runs round the library here the librarian puts on firm voice and says 'can you PLEASE look after your child!'

She's great

YANBU

You are doing something amazing. Sadly not everyone has the parenting, or social, skills to realise.

On a practical basis, could you get some of your regulars to help as volunteer 'peer supporters'? Explain to any parents not parenting that they need to be involved, intervene if one little darling is creating chaos? I expect there were some who noticed but felt they couldn't get involved. Give them permission to help (perhaps a badge?!) and I expect they will give you the support (and encouragement) you need - perhaps also help supply some of the materials and share the burden/fun witj you

Porridge, did she realise what had happened before she left and that her child had been responsible? Just thinking it might be hard to block her next time if she was oblivious.
And was it definitely only her child, can you be sure it wasn't a couple and hers just happened to be the one who was seen at the end?
But YANBU. Whenever my sons have been hit/hurt/threatened at a soft play centre it's always been by the kids whose parents treat it as a couple of hours off from parenting.
Maybe mums do see it as a chance for a break but that's not really what sensory play in a library is about.

If you didn't confront the parent in question yabu. You noticed she wasn't providing supervision for her DC and you should have said something.

Parents like this drive me mad. She was totally in the wrong. I was out last night at an awards thingy for DC. One parent was asked three times to take her toddler off the stage and stop her from wandering about on her own. Takes a village my arse.

I think it's rather prissy to set up a session for preschoolers and expect them not to make a mess and play in a way that wasn't intended. Also it's rather weak to stand back and let it happen - if the OP had said something then maybe the parent would have also intervened.

Op seems to be getting a hard time here, unfairly in my opinion. It's clear that the sensory play is a parent and child activity with the op giving guidance on materials. It's a shame that it may be cancelled due to one parent not getting involved and allowing their child to do what they did. Not the child's fault either.

Op, I really hope this activity is not cancelled. Maybe the signs saying its a parent and child activity need to be pointed out to parents as they arrive or something?

Wish you worked at our local library. Your sessions sound fab and I would definitely be in their with my child if only so I could have a feel of the slime etc!

If I was you, I'd be more worried about your manager's attitude than the mum, though. After one incident he/she is threatening to cancel the whole programme? Are they not completely on side with the idea, see it as your pet project? Maybe it would be a good idea to pass on or record somehow the praise people give you or get some of the parents to mention to your manager how they would never come to this library if it wasn't for the sensory play... Bit of internal marketing?

Loads of sympathy here OP. I run similar groups in Children's Centres and come across parents like this all the time. Its downright irresponsible laziness. Some people have no interest in their own children and don't value services like yours. Its sad.

What happened was in no way your fault and must have been very frustrating for you. Please ignore the comments blaming you for not sorting out the situation, you made it clear that the parents are expected to watch their own children. What a novel idea!

Wow, what a lovely thing you are doing for your community OP.

I was going to suggest, as someone else has, asking some of your regulars to help supervise.

It's also worth making sure you are clear with yourself why you are going to the effort of providing these sessions. Is it a naice activity for the naice children of naice parents? (That's perfectly ok if it is, just get a few parent-volunteers on board to police it better) Or, are you trying to engage the slightly more challenging children of less invested parents? If the latter, you might need to take a slightly different approach.

Maybe mum thought it was all part of the sensory experience or something yanbu but sometimes these things happen where i work the play worker does sensory stuff and by the end most of it is only fit for the bin

I second asking for a volunteer stick a notice up.

I run active children's storytelling sessions, and have often found a similar thing - parents aren't compelled to say, but the ones who do and scaffold and support their children's engagement make my job 100 times easier and more fun, and their kids get much more out of it too. The ones who leave their little terrors to run amok can ruin my day, and be a danger to other children!

I've learnt the hard way with anything like this, you are managing the parents expectations and engagement much more than the children's. I try to always set things up by addressing the parents - if you make it clear there's an expectation for them to be involved from the outset, things like this can (sometimes!) be avoided.

However, for parents like the one who blithely said to me "oh, he'll listen to you much more than me!" As her little cherub climbed up a bench, kicking a toddler in the face as he did so, there is no hope... No love, I cannot fix 6 years of slack-ass parenting in one 20 min storytelling session

Where i am i hear more often than not get down heres mrsjayy to tell you off dont make me the bad guy gets on my wick

I can't believe how harsh many PPs are being towards OP. I appreciate that some children are more difficult to manage than others (I have one of them myself), but surely people should take responsibility for either preventing their own child from causing this kind of disruption, or if it's too late for that, to at least apologise. OP will have worked hard to provide this (presumably free) additional enrichment activity, and yet she's totally responsible for the behaviour of all children and parents in attendance? Maybe she won't bother next time. Very sad for all the other children and parents who managed to enjoy this service in an appropriate manner.

YANBU to feel peeved but saying that you are in a way lucky that out of 15 parents only 1 didn't supervise their dc. I've been to these sorts of things where there were groups of these slack parents which meant staff always had to on hand to supervise the parents and get them to supervise their dcs.

I remember one lovely calm library playgroup when each new parent was very gently but firmly read the riot act behaviour code by the facilitating librarian as a means of introduction to the group including that they were expected to be actively supervising their dcs at all times. It was interesting how DPs who only wanted a free babysitting service self selected themselves out of that group and went elsewhere. I would also look at how many families you allow for each session and perhaps limit it to a manageable 10-12.

How old was the child? Sounds like heaven for a small child. Yes the mum should of paid more attention but this needs stagf supervision to stop it turning to bedlam.

I think a lot of people are missing the point here. It's not about the session and the stuff to play with. Of course a child will see the stuff and just want to mix it all up and make a mess. This is not the child's fault, or the OPs fault.
If you take your child to an activity like this it's your job to keep an eye on them and stop them from ruining it, not only for the other children there, but for other people who will come to it in the future. It's not a crèche ffs it's a nice activity put on by a local library for the benefit of the kids, the least a parent can do is have some respect for the place. Every other parent there managed to surpervise their kids fine but one was too busy wrapped up in herself to bother and expected complete strangers to keep an eye on her child for her.
Wherever you go, your child's behaviour is your responsibility. The only time you can expect your child to be supervised and disciplined by staff is at school or nursery, or activities where your child is left under the care of the staff. This is not the case here with the OP. I don't see why the OP should have to constantly supervise it when the parents are there. If everyone pulled their weight on keeping their kids using the materials properly then everyone would get much more enjoyment out of it. It's pure laziness on the parents behalf.