to be peeved at parents that don't parent

[porridgefromhell]

NC for this one as I'll definitely be outing myself. I'm a library assistant that runs a fortnightly sensory play session, I do this because I love to, because it's an important part of child development and because I know I would have loved something like this when my DD was a preschooler. I pay for most materials out of my own pocket because our library budget doesn't allow for it and for the most part I can reuse materials.

Apart from today that is. One of the children completely ruined everything for late comers and that's never happened before, they essentially just mixed everything together (sand, rainbow oats, water, paint, shaving foam, playdough. Everything. All of it.) in a sensory play tub and them dumped it all out on the library floor. While all of this was going on the mum was sat there absorbed in her phone and chatting with the other mums, not interacting with her demon child at all. None of the other kids got to enjoy anything I'd set up and while I appreciate that I'll have to clean up a bit of mess, this was ridiculous. Nothing can be reused and my librarian has said that if it happens again then no more sensory play, all because of one selfish mum that views us like glorified childminders instead of as the people that facilitate her to enjoy this experience with her child.

Yanbu.

I totally get where you are coming from. You are providing an activity for children to do with the parent, you are not providing a childcare facility. You are not a play worker or a child minder and you weren't paid to be either.

Next week place notices up stating children must be supervised at all times and must respect the FREE activity provided or they will be asked to leave.

Make it clear that continued abuse of this service will lead to it being removed.

And yes, I've had training in this area (educational psychology experience) a lot of the materials were outside to inhibit mixing, and I set up separate stations, so I'll have a puffy paint, finger paint station, sand and water "archaeology" etc. It's a model that has worked up until now and is well liked and enjoyed by children and parents from all backgrounds, including one I'm working with specifically with SPD (at request of parent)

Good grief SurlyCue. 15 parents a session and this is the FIRST time anyone has not understood?!

Seriously do we need to go over the top every time one person out of everyone else doesn't get it?

OP is running a nice event out of her own pocket and you blame her and not the one stupid entitled parent?

To be honest at a sensory play session I'm not sure I'd know that things couldn't be mixed together

Good grief SurlyCue. 15 parents a session and this is the FIRST time anyone has not understood?!

Well i dont know about you, but in my world some parents need a little bit of extra guidance or help with some things, whether thats due to special needs or never having done the thing before or just having difficulty for whatever reason, forgive me if i'd expect that the person running the operation might be on hand to assist if and when necessary.

you blame her and not the one stupid entitled parent?

did you read my post? I said i was not excusing the mum.

Obviously woth preschoolers I expect some degree of mixing, it's why spar ate stations are set up, we'll apart from each other, and for the most part a lot of stuff is salvageable (waterbeads can be washed and dried and reused if stored properly, same goes for playdough and sand and water.) I know it's not malicious on the child's part and knowing my own child, if she was being ignored by me for an hour and a half then she'd probably act out too, so I'm definitely not angry at the little one.

And mum was clearly not having difficulty, she was just ignoring her child.

Honestly I'm mostly a bit gutted for the other kids, especially if the session gets cancelled, though I have given a lot of the mums a lot of my recipes, links to great resources etc. so hopefully if even if they do get cancelled then they can still have the same experiences at home.

No i didnt mean this particular mum was having difficulty, i was responding the the unimaginative poster who thinks everyone ahould just be able to 'get it' because others do.

We have to explain different stations anyway as part of our risk assessment (what's taste safe, where hand washing is, fire safety procedures and so forth.)

Like I say, I'm usually lurking surreptitiously (shelving, encouraging children to try things they're unsure of, graciously accepting praise ;) ) but today we were down to 2 staff for a mid size library with no hope of bank cover and so we took a "the show must go on" approach knowing there had been no issues in the past.

Sounds like very normal toddler like behaviour to mix all of those materials together tbh - not demon like which you claim.

Yabu to have not been loosely facilitating this whole sensory play area that you'd set up.

I do sensory play sessions and would never put that many different things out without expecting mixing up.

Maybe just try one or two things Instead of so many.

I would be ultra cautious about not being around when the resources are being used anyway. Despite parents needing to be in charge at all times, things like water beads are a potential choking hazard and it only takes a second for it to go wrong.

You sound like a lovely person who came across one of those parents who were their for the 'dont give a shit about others childminding' as long as they don't interrupt my Fb msg. Total crap and you shouldn't have to expalin more it's interactive parental play not a fob off looking after your chid session

I think maybe you are being a bit harsh. I understand that you were explicit that it should be a supervised session but sometimes mums go to groups because it gives them a chance to chat with other adults and get out of the house

I would be mortified if my child did this. YANBU to be upset at the mother.
The session sounds lovely, I wish there was something similar around here. I hope this doesn't put you of doing it!

Slightly off topic but I would love to make slime! Would you share your recipe please?

I'm probably missing the point totally but you put out lots of different items - that sounds like really good fun to mix up together. Dd1 probably wouldn't have but dtds would have loved mixing it all and making a big mess. Putting out messy play items and calling it sensory play is unlikely to ensure all bits stay unmixed. Like giving dc play dough in different colours and expecting them not to mix it.
Okay the parent wasn't on top form today but you could have stepped in sooner and on the plus side the child sounds like he had fun.

It sounds unfortunate, and the Mum should have been more involved, but it seems inevitable that if you give wee ones a lot of messy interesting stuff it won't be long til one wants to see what happens if you mix it all together! Surely that's part of the fun to a child too young to understand zones, rules, budgets. Maybe the parent thought the supervising was a safety thing rather than directing the children to use materials in a prescribed way? A little unfair to say they weren't parenting or the child is a demon.

Sounds like you need some more support from your boss/colleagues.

It's lovely that you take the time to put on this activity session for the children. How ungrateful some people are (not to mention lazy).

YANBU. You have every right to feel the way you do.

OP, i cant believe how many people are blaming you. I feel sorry for you. The mum sounds like a right twat.

Was it well advertised or could you have cancelled? it is a shame, but a lesson in needing someone there to supervise. YANBU to be peeved, I would be so upset. However, this is life, happens everywhere all the time, I'm always pissed off with some negligent parent when their kid is being a terror. Unfortunately you have to be more vigilant :(

Oh and my (usually) incredibly well behaved daughter once did this at school, her and a friend made a 'potion' and ruined a whole bunch of seeds and growing stuff for the whole class. Poor reception teacher did not know what to do to express her anger at it all! I was mortified, and me and the other mum replaced everything, but the question did occur 'how did she get access to all the materials and how did no one notice that this was occurring until it was too late?'

(this very specific story could out me, unless this happens all the time ;))

Other parents get it, they interact with their kids, encourage imagination play, keep them from going haywire. Like I say, I expect some mixing to happen, they're kids. What I am upset about is the parent in question allowing their child to run riot and dump the whole lot out on to the library floor without so much as an apology, with no attempt to stop their child from spoiling everyone else's fun.

Legally we have to absolve ourselves of any supervisory responsibility, all children's sessions are held with parents aware that they are responsible for their children. No one else has had any problem with this. We've been running these sessions for over a year and no one else has wilfully ignored their child. if we could have cancelled the session we would have, but we've got regular mums that come in, it's well attended, we didn't want to disappoint anyone when they come to our (reasonably out of the way, definitely not on the high street) library specifically for these sessions, especially when one of the children has ASD and it's an important part of his routine.

Lesson learned i guess. I'll be spending my weekend coming up with (less mixable, still exciting) sensory play ideas, so if anyone has any ideas, fling them my way. :)

Yanbu

Bet it makes you wonder why you bother.

Selfish lazy gits