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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed by a friends comment?

56 replies

PeachInGeorgia · 10/04/2015 19:31

A friend said to me - you never go out.

Pretty much meaning I sit at home every weekend.

I definitely don't. This weekend I'm having drinks with a friend tomorrow, last week I went on a weekend trip.

I didn't want to justify myself to her but it really hurt .

She rarely seems to go out either and when she does she plasters it all over FB.

OP posts:
madreloco · 10/04/2015 19:33

Yabu. Why would that hurt ? She said you never go out, you just say, yes I do. End of conversation. What is there to get upset about?

FenellaFellorick · 10/04/2015 19:34

why did it hurt? what insult did you read in it?

TwoOddSocks · 10/04/2015 19:35

YANBU. I wouldn't like it either. Maybe she's overcompensating. She probably feels like she doesn't have a great social life if she has to advertise each trip out.

OutragedFromLeeds · 10/04/2015 19:37

YABU

(unless you're both 14, in which case fair enough, but get off mumsnet).

YouMakeMyHeartSmile · 10/04/2015 19:39

Surely you just said 'yes I do' and that was the end of it? You're obviously reading more into it though, what do you think she meant by it?
On the face of it, YABU

Koalafications · 10/04/2015 19:42

Huh? I don't think its a hurtful comment. Is there a back story?

Original poster
PeachInGeorgia · 10/04/2015 19:46

Well by saying I never go out, she's pretty much saying I don't have very much of a social life.

I also don't have a partner.

Just think it's quite a harsh conclusion to come to. It was the fact she said it like it was a statement and not a question.

OP posts:
JohnFarleysRuskin · 10/04/2015 19:48

I would take it in the spirit it was intended- as an insult!

madreloco · 10/04/2015 19:48
Hmm
Koalafications · 10/04/2015 19:48

Are you upset because there is some truth in her comment?

emms1981 · 10/04/2015 19:49

well i never go out, I have nobody to go with

sooperdooper · 10/04/2015 19:54

I'd have just said, 'yes I do I've been xyz recently, why where have you been?'

Original poster
PeachInGeorgia · 10/04/2015 20:00

Are you upset because there is some truth in her comment?

I don't think there's any truth in her comments.

I suppose everyone has a different opinion on what going out a lot would mean.

Like I said, it's quite a mean statement to make, when she doesn't know what I do at the weekends.

OP posts:
YouMakeMyHeartSmile · 10/04/2015 20:07

Well if she doesn't know what you do at weekends it's not really a mean comment, just a stupid one! If someone who didn't know about my life made an incorrect comment about it I would just brush it off, as they are quite clearly wrong. You sound quite sensitive about it.

RachelWatts · 10/04/2015 20:23

If she puts all her nights out all over FB then she may think everyone does. If you don't advertise your nights out on FB like she does, she probably thinks you're not going out!

ClinkLady · 10/04/2015 20:27

I'm a single parent too and I don't get out that much, but I get out more than people think I do. I don't really care though. I kind of like that people mightn't know everything about me. I never put anything on facebook. If I did, then I'd feel that I had to log everything or people would assume, well she had a busy week last week, but this week was really quiet.

HOnestly, people who document their lives on fb care more about appearing to have friends than they care about the actual friendships. Your friend sounds like that.

Say to her "about that comment the other day, I was confused, but were you offering to babysit, cos that'd be great!"

xiaozhu · 10/04/2015 20:29

Meh, water off a duck's back. I may have been vaguely annoyed but don't think it warrants a MN thread...

ClinkLady · 10/04/2015 20:32

I think it's a mean comment to say to somebody too. OUt of nowhere. It seems like a mocking comment to me. Totally different from encouraging somebody to go out more.

maybe she thought, "omg a single parent is happy and going out sometimes, is she?" and that made her feel that her position on the rung above you was in jeopardy. And she wanted to test what she thought she knew. I hope your answer made her feel bad.

Koalafications · 10/04/2015 20:32

Well, if there's no truth in it I'm Confused. I have no idea why you are so upset about this

Flinstones · 10/04/2015 20:34

Of course it's a hurtful comment, you mums netters I'm realising are a very unsympathetic bunch. Just don't like agreeing with op for arguments sake.

YouMakeMyHeartSmile · 10/04/2015 20:41

I genuinely don't get why it's hurtful Flinstones. Nothing to do with disagreeing for arguments sake. She said 'you never go out'. OP knows that she does. Factually incorrect but not hurtful.
Do you tell her about your nights out/weekends away OP? If you don't, and she's the type to put all her nights out on Facebook, maybe she just genuinely thinks you never go out?

GERTI · 10/04/2015 20:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PtolemysNeedle · 10/04/2015 20:53

I think the fact that you see it as mean rather than just plain stupid and innaccurate could suggest that it is something you feel sensitive about.

Purplepoodle · 10/04/2015 21:00

Yikes. How much can you read into one statment?

MaudGonneAway · 10/04/2015 21:08

Some people have a highly prescriptive notion of what 'going out' means, though. I remember from my schooldays and undergraduate degree that 'did you go out at the weekend?' meant specifically 'Did you get drunk on Bacardi Breezers and go to a nightclub (sweaty clinch with a pissed stranger optional)?'

You could have gone for brunch on the Saturday, spent the afternoon in a museum, gone for dinner and then to the theatre, gone for a Sunday morning group hillwalk, then to friends for Sunday lunch, followed by an afternoon in the pub and a film, but none of that would have counted as having 'gone out'.

What dies she think yiu should be doing, OP? Dancing on tables every night? Having three blind dates per weekend???

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