Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

to be annoyed by a friends comment?

56 replies

PeachInGeorgia · 10/04/2015 19:31

A friend said to me - you never go out.

Pretty much meaning I sit at home every weekend.

I definitely don't. This weekend I'm having drinks with a friend tomorrow, last week I went on a weekend trip.

I didn't want to justify myself to her but it really hurt .

She rarely seems to go out either and when she does she plasters it all over FB.

OP posts:

Original poster

PeachInGeorgia · 10/04/2015 21:54

Yikes. How much can you read into one statment?

But it was said out of no where.

It's not like I was complaining about never going out or something like that.

I do think it's harsh.

It hasn't hit a nerve. But it's the statement said like a fact that you're boring and don't have friends.

OP posts:

Original poster

PeachInGeorgia · 10/04/2015 21:57

I do think some people on here are disagreeing for the sake of it though.

I'm not saying anyone who disagrees is wrong but its the PA comments like -

Can't believe you're upset about it ... erm not sure I ever said I was upset BUT who is anyone to dictate to someone what they should and should not feel. No one choses to be upset about something, it's hardly a feeling someone craves.

OP posts:

ChipDip · 10/04/2015 22:01

What a non event.

Nydj · 10/04/2015 22:05

You said you were annoyed about it in the title of the thread and in your OP, you said it hurt so it's not exactly a stretch to say that you were upset is it?

Original poster

PeachInGeorgia · 10/04/2015 22:07

What a non event.

Haha, highlights my point perfectly.

What sort of person takes the time to leave comments like this. What pleasure do you get out of it? Why do you enjoy putting people down?

OP posts:

sosix · 10/04/2015 22:11

I rarley go out because I don't want to and the little group I like to go out with now and again seems to be disbanding. Hermit.

TheNewSchmoo · 10/04/2015 22:13

Gosh, you're rather touchy. Yes you are being unreasonable, even more so by how argumentative you are when told how unreasonable you are being.

ChipDip · 10/04/2015 22:14

Goodness you are touchy! No wonder you took that comment the wrong way.

Original poster

PeachInGeorgia · 10/04/2015 22:17

But why aren't you able to answer the question ChipDip, why do you get enjoyment out of writing comments like that?

You know it's a harsh comments, you know it wouldn't make the OP (obviously me) feel better and would make them feel worse.

Why do you get enjoyment from that?

I just can't imagine why someone would go out of their way to purposely write what you did.

OP posts:

BotoxBitch · 10/04/2015 22:17

I wouldn't give a shit tbh, you don't sound like great friends really to take offence at such a comment.

IFinishedTheBiscuits · 10/04/2015 22:21

What was the context it was said in?

Was it "why don't you come out tomorrow, you never go out?" as in, don't feel guilty about spending money/getting babysitter?

Or was it "I went out on Saturday. You never go out."

Or did you say "last time I went out a double vodka was £3.60" and she said "you obviously never go out!" (You've probably just realised I literally NEVER go out.)

Original poster

PeachInGeorgia · 10/04/2015 22:22

It was none of those IFinish

It just came out the blue.

OP posts:

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 10/04/2015 22:32

Can you explain why it bothered you? Because it really doesn't seem an upsetting comment.

Is it one of a series of comments along these lines? Is she one of those people who always has a snide comment to make?

IFinishedTheBiscuits · 10/04/2015 22:33

Difficult to know whether it was meant as an insult or not. But I would possibly be upset if I thought it was a snipe. Not because I don't go out - that's true. More because I'd misread signs and hadn't realised there were tensions between us.
I wouldn't worry about it too much.

Aridane · 10/04/2015 22:42

Another here who thinks this is a non event ~ unless there is a back story / other issues with this friends, or the comment otherwise hit a nerve.

YouMakeMyHeartSmile · 11/04/2015 09:30

If you'd posted to rant/get some sympathy you should have said so but you posted to ask if YWBU, which is a question. Therefore you are bound to get people saying yes, YABU and telling you why they think you are.

Alisvolatpropiis · 11/04/2015 09:35

It reads as a completely innocuous statement but quite a lot depends on the tone it was said in. If op feels it was said in a manner meant to put her down rather than just a general comment, then as she was there and we were not, it's only fair to believe her on that.

I wouldn't let it bother you though, op. You know it isn't true and seems to be an opinion formed purely on the basis that you use social media differently to her.

FarFromAnyRoad · 11/04/2015 09:50

You do sound terribly sensitive. Perhaps instead of wasting time placing incorrect assumptions on what people say to you, you could work on your self esteem so that being told 'You never go out' would wash over you as the complete non-event that it was.
Does your friend know she pissed you off? You see - you could end up as THAT person. The one nobody wants to say anything to because you'll take it the wrong way.

AlternativeTentacles · 11/04/2015 10:03

All this could be resolved by responding 'A - yes I do and B - what does it matter what I do?'

ClinkLady · 11/04/2015 10:08

There'd be 20 pages of 'yanbu' if somebody said to a married woman "you don't have much of a marriage' like a statement, out of the blue.

AliceLidl · 11/04/2015 10:14

It sounds like a weird thing to say out of the blue.

What was going on before she said it? What was the conversation? And what was said afterwards?

IFinish we sell a double vodka for £3.20 where I work, admittedly it is a vodka most people have never heard of, but still, it's vodka.

dragdownthemoon · 11/04/2015 10:14

I kinda get it, OP. I was out with some friends in a pub recently and saw a friend from the school gates who was verrrrrry drunk, she kept stroking my head (!) and saying "why are YOU out? You never go out!" I don't know her all that well and there is no way she could know about my social life but it was clear she perceived me as a boring old fart who never goes out. She is the partying and put it on FB type ;)

I shouldn't really care what a not close friend (more acquaintance really) thinks but I did, I wonder if that is how people view me, boring and friendless.

ClinkLady · 11/04/2015 10:15

I think it's a fairly predictable response the OP is having. She's upset because somebody she thoguht she was close to doesn't seem to be in her corner, instead, she's drawing attention to what she perceives to be a lack in the OP's life. And she's not offering to bring her out more, or babysit, or encourage her to set aside her guilt for example. It's always a bit of a seismic shift when you realise that your friends don't see you the way you see you. That isn't weird or sensitive. That's normal!

If a single woman who was content doing her own thing, cooking for herself, watching what she wanted on tv, only doing her own laundry etc said to a put upon married woman "you don't have much of a life married to that man" and the married woman asked 'aibu to be upset by this?' there would literally be 20 pages of posters teller the oP that the friend was jealous and lonely blah blah..

ClinkLady · 11/04/2015 10:17

dragondownthemoon, I get a bit of that too. Married women I know from way back all going out as a party of 8, sometimes an extra couple bump it up to ten, whoah. I keep in touch with all sorts of people I knew in London, new friends from work. I think there are a lot of assumptions made.

ClinkLady · 11/04/2015 10:20

"I shouldn't really care what a not close friend (more acquaintance really) thinks but I did, I wonder if that is how people view me, boring and friendless."

Exactly. It's this. I just go about my business without shouting it from the rooftops but although I don't need people to know I'm content and fulfilled, it'd be uncomfortable to realise that people's perceptions of me differed vastly from my perception of me.

And I think, tbh, I've already had that and been through it and emerged...... earlier on, I left my x nearly a decade ago now.

Flip

1 2 3