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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want MIL sharing DD's pictures online?

74 replies

Scouseatheart · 09/04/2015 19:17

My MIL and I have never got on, so I don't know if this is clouding my judgment on this.

Basically, any pictures my DH sends his mother of DD end up online. Neither me or DH have put pictures online ourselves of DD and have asked everybody in the family not to either. MIL completely ignores us (well, me, DH wont really say anything to her about it) but, MIL has loads of random people on her fb account that she has added through games and such, she doesn't actually know them. Random friends keep commenting on the pics asking if they are photos of MIL's daughter Confused she has 10 grandchildren and 2 great grandchildren so its not as if DD is get first. AIBU?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 09/04/2015 19:22

YANBU if you and your DH really don't put pics of her online.

But I don't understand what the problem is with random people seeing your DD. Do you think they'll track her down and sell her into slavery?

My guess is they'll be rolling their eyes at yet more baby pics on their news feeds.

drudgetrudy · 09/04/2015 19:24

If you have asked her not to do it she shouldn't really do it.
She may like to share photos with close friends though.
Could you set some limits and would she respect them?

Ebony69 · 09/04/2015 19:32

I really don't see what the problem is. Regardless of your feelings towards your MIL, she is clearly proud of her grandchild and wants to show her off. How is that harming anyone? Not least, your daughter?

BinaryBunny · 09/04/2015 19:35

don't you know... the internet is made up of paedophiles.... Hmm

Unless you have security/protection/criminal issues where the child shouldn't be identified, I don't see what the problem is. :/

TwoAndTwoEqualsChaos · 09/04/2015 19:35

It is harmful because she (the MiL) is deliberately ignoring an articulated wish of the child's Parents, thus undermining them, and not to have one's children online is, IMO, an entirely reasonable precaution to take and should be respected by others even if they disagree.

Pameron · 09/04/2015 19:37

I don't think you're being unreasonable! I always ask my DSis if I can post pics of her DD on Facebook. If she said no then I'd respect her decision.

Nolim · 09/04/2015 19:38

Yanbu. Do not share photos with her until she shows she follows your rules about said photos.

TheShouldersOfGiants · 09/04/2015 19:39

I have a few friends like this with their new little ones. I don't get it.

But then it's not my child so it's not my decision. MIL may have more of a right being grandma but still.

What does your husband think of it? Could he not send anymore and maybe show real photos when he sees her or something?

And Worra - rolling eyes at more baby pictures is probably right!

MargoReadbetter · 09/04/2015 19:40

I don't see the problem. A bit OTT to control your MIL's exchanges. What if she merely talked about your DD, still not acceptable? The world is not full of paedophiles reaching out via computer screens.

soapboxqueen · 09/04/2015 19:41

I personally don't have a problem with this but if you do that's your choice and she should respect that.

Are there other family members she is posting the pictures for? We use closed Fb accounts, drop box etc to allow only some people to see shared photos.

Nolim · 09/04/2015 19:45

We also use dropbox, not facebook, to share photos.

Cantbelievethisishappening · 09/04/2015 19:48

YANBU in that she should respect your wishes but your request seems to just add to ever growing hysteria about the internet.
What are you planning on doing when out and about with your DD? She will be in public view?

ConfusedInBath · 09/04/2015 19:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Scouseatheart · 09/04/2015 19:50

I know it may sound silly to some, but its what we decided. Its not just us tho, BIL/SIL do the same, and MIL respects their decision.

MIL hasn't spoken to me (apart from when i try and talk to her first) since we got married 4 years ago. She's only seen DD once because she's, and i quote 'too busy' so she cant be that proud surely?

OP posts:
BinaryBunny · 09/04/2015 19:55

How is MIL getting the photos in the first place? Why do you keep sending them if she puts them online?

Nolim · 09/04/2015 19:55

Fwiw i dont think it is silly not to want random strangers to be able to see and download photos of your dc.

cookiefiend · 09/04/2015 19:58

YANBU so many people live their lives out on Facebook they are confused when others do not do the same. Your child- your decision.

BestZebbie · 09/04/2015 20:00

YANBU - Having photos on the Internet is totally different to strangers seeing your DD when she is out in public, because in the future people who know her name will still be able to search for her and locate those images of her taken and published without her consent. The problem isn't with 'strangers', it is with school bullies, malicious future exes, even just people who think it is amusing to send round a baby photo of her in the bath at work on her 40th birthday.

Original poster
Scouseatheart · 09/04/2015 20:00

Its not about paedophiles and such that we don't post picture. Its for the simple reason that we are very private people, but we do alot of promoting for DH business on fb, so we do have to have alot of people as friends. We do share pictures with family/friends, just not online. I have no problem people out and about seeing DD. I just personally don't want everyone we do business with seeing all the photos we take.

After reading your reply's, i really don't know if I'm just being too up tight about all this tbh.

OP posts:
Pyjamaschocolateandwine · 09/04/2015 20:00

You are expending energy that you really shouldn't.

Give your dd 10 years and she will be sharing her image with all and sundry and you won't have a clue.

Ignore your mils actions and bring up your dd to understand internet security and general self safe guarding.

It's not like paedophiles could contact her now is it?

DisappointedOne · 09/04/2015 20:01

"even just people who think it is amusing to send round a baby photo of her in the bath at work on her 40th birthday."

Just think about that for a second.

pocketsized · 09/04/2015 20:02

We don't put photos of our DD on Facebook either, as technically Facebook own the rights to any photos posted there and can do anything they like with them (eg sell them, use them for advertising etc) Also, once photos are on a site like that you can't ensure they will remain private, in the future she may not want her employer /friends etc to have free access to her baby/toddler pictures. Our parents have been a bit baffled by our choice, but have respected it and I would be very annoyed if they ignored our request. We have however set up a Dropbox account so we can share photos securely with family — perhaps this would placate your Mil?

Pyjamaschocolateandwine · 09/04/2015 20:05

best you are right but unfortunately the bird has flown
Here and we are all doing catch up.

The internet is just another tool our kids will use. Of course it can be dangerous as can the road outside your house.

You educate your kids and monitor them while young teens and then hope for the best.

You can't control other adults putting pictures on fb. Total waste of time and energy.

Original poster
Scouseatheart · 09/04/2015 20:06

pocketsized we gave MIL a photo frame (the one that have loads of different sized squares?) full of picture of DD for mothers day, so its not as if she doesn't have any pictures of her. Like I said, my BIL/SIL have the same rule and she respects them, just not us. Its very frustrating.

OP posts:
BinaryBunny · 09/04/2015 20:07

I still don't see how your MIL is getting hold of these photos? Confused