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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want MIL sharing DD's pictures online?

74 replies

Scouseatheart · 09/04/2015 19:17

My MIL and I have never got on, so I don't know if this is clouding my judgment on this.

Basically, any pictures my DH sends his mother of DD end up online. Neither me or DH have put pictures online ourselves of DD and have asked everybody in the family not to either. MIL completely ignores us (well, me, DH wont really say anything to her about it) but, MIL has loads of random people on her fb account that she has added through games and such, she doesn't actually know them. Random friends keep commenting on the pics asking if they are photos of MIL's daughter she has 10 grandchildren and 2 great grandchildren so its not as if DD is get first. AIBU?

OP posts:

WhitePhantom · 09/04/2015 21:36

How does your DH feel about this? He knows she's posting them on Fb, so why does he keep feeding her with pics if he doesn't want her doing that?

I think it's your DH you need to have a word with!

Ebony69 · 09/04/2015 21:57

I suspect that the DH doesn't mind as much as OP - may explain why he hasn't thought it worth challenging MIL.

WhitePhantom · 09/04/2015 22:00

My thoughts exactly, Ebony.

OsMalleytheCat · 09/04/2015 22:39

Fwiw, I don't and never have posted any info about my DS on any social media and would be absolutely raging if someone did, especially intentionally after you've asked them not to.

Your child, your choice.

No not everyone on the internet is a raging paedophile but some people are! And it's not unreasonable to be, like you say, private and not want to share every single detail of your life with strangers, they're not entitled to these moments!

People are so used to giving babies and young children an online presence it seems natural, once your child is old enough to make the decision to post pictures of herself online then fine, she has made that choice.

In conclusion YANBU at all!

IfYouWereARiverIdLearnToFloat · 09/04/2015 22:53

My friend recently had a baby girl and posted first pictures of her on FB - two days later some random girl my friend didn't know was using that as her profile picture & had shared it to her friends list. My friends profile was set to private so who knows how she did it. The Internet is full of weirdos! I completely understand why you wouldn't want your DD plastered across FB for anybody to see.

ememem84 · 10/04/2015 07:09

Stop dh sending pictures if that's how mil is getting them.

Also as others have said report all pictures to fb and they should have them removed.

2rebecca · 10/04/2015 08:30

I agree your husband is the problem. He should be TELLING his mum not to put photos of his kids online not asking her and refusing to send more photos until she agrees. My brother doesn't like photos of his kids on facebook. He emails me them I reply with nice comments and don't upload them to facebook. It's easy. Family members can get them emailed if they wish, other friends of mine aren't interested.

Spero · 10/04/2015 09:40

not want to share every single detail of your life with strangers, they're not entitled to these moments!

I agree with Silverdaisy. I am sorry to break it to you all, but really no one is interested in photographs of your children. the camera doesn't steal your soul, if a random person sees a picture of your precious child toddling, that has not 'given' them anything.

I would be very interested to know if anyone gets any response from Facebook about posting 'unauthorised photographs' of a minor. I have only recently had this debate on mumsnet. There is no law that anyone could point me to that makes it unlawful to put pictures of children on the internet, unless its a breach of section 97(2) of the Children Act 1989.

OsMalleytheCat · 10/04/2015 14:47

Spero, you're right, most people aren't interested in other peoples baby pictures but that makes it even more insulting (IMO) these moments are special and precious to parents/immediate family/close friends etc so to share them with your entire friends list for them to barely glance at the pictures frankly, is rude.

Leeds2 · 10/04/2015 15:16

I would ask your OH to send her no more pictures at all. And, if she asks why, tell her. I suspect she is just doing it because she knows it winds you up.

LittleBairn · 10/04/2015 15:38

YANBU we don't inted to share our draughts image online especially a place like FB who then can do whatever they like with it.
We have made this clear to our family well in advance they have all said they are fine with it. If anyone puts her image online they will no longer be allowed to take photographs of her.

LittleBairn · 10/04/2015 15:42

Intend and daughter.

Moogajoo · 10/04/2015 15:56

en-gb.facebook.com/help/428478523862899

landrover · 10/04/2015 17:01

Don't send her pictures, how simple is that?

Spero · 10/04/2015 21:26

these moments are special and precious to parents/immediate family/close friends etc so to share them with your entire friends list for them to barely glance at the pictures frankly, is rude

This is a joke isn't it? Isn't it?

Because surely no one could seriously believe/feel that? If it is a joke, then well played. If its not a joke then get over yourself right now. Why on earth do you think your 'precious moment' is diminished by someone random not falling to their knees and sobbing in front of a picture of it? There are I think 7 billion people on this planet. Only about 10 of them probably give much of a fuck about you or your spawn - if you are lucky.

OsMalleytheCat · 11/04/2015 10:23

Spero, I don't expect people to fall to their knees crying over a picture of my kid, that's partly why I don't share pictures. So that people don't feel obliged to pretend to do so! Moments that I cherish with DS of course not many other people care about so why would I want them diminishing my experience? And children should be entitled to privacy in their younger years.

Personally I think it's actually ridiculous to see a picture of a scan or a newborn barely an hour after they've been born but I don't slate people for wanting to do so not question their reasoning or logic so not really sure why you feel the need to do so!

OsMalleytheCat · 11/04/2015 10:30

The diminishing part also comes from sharing something special for people to barely offer it a second glance, lots of people would find that rude, just because it's a picture of a child doesn't make it any less important.

Spero · 11/04/2015 12:05

lots of people would find that rude

Really? Well I guess that is just something completely beyond my comprehension and experience.

I think it is bizarre and odd.

I shared a lot of photos on Facebook of my daughter because for 8 months I was living on the other side of the world from my mum, who did like to see them. I put them on my wall. Maybe I would get 3 or 4 likes, maybe I wouldn't. Probably the vast majority of my 100 or so Facebook friends flicked past them with a 'meh' or did n't even see them.

So bloody what? Those who were interested looked and made a comment. Helped me with my agonising homesickness. Made a little connection with my friends.

Others ignored them. So bloody what? That didn't make the moments I shared with my daughter any less special or memorable or meaningful. I couldn't care less what they thought or didn't think. It was nice to be 'liked' but I didn't cry if the photos got no comments. I certainly didn't think people were being 'rude'.

Sorry, but I just absolutely can't get my head around this as an objection to internet photos at all.

merrymouse · 11/04/2015 12:10

I think it's up to you to decide whether you are comfortable with pictures being shared on-line.

As a first step, just print out the photos you want to give her.

Ginmartini · 11/04/2015 12:17

I don't want pics of my dc on social media either OP.

No I don't 'think the internet is full of paedos' or think it puts them at risk or think anyone particularly looks or cares about pics of my dc. I don't think it's 'rude' either.

I am just quite private and quite grumpy and I don't want people nosing or commenting on my kids or my DM or MIL posting albums of pics to people I've never met about about their days out with my dc.

Ginmartini · 11/04/2015 12:18

And I have teenagers and of course they post pics on instagram etc - that's up to them if they want to post pics of themselves to their friends.

ashtrayheart · 11/04/2015 12:30

Just stop sending the pictures and report the ones she has posted, I think FB do take them down.
Personally I put pictures on of my youngest children (the teenagers don't like me to!) because it's like an online picture diary for me and I like looking back at them (always worried I will lose them off my phone or pc).

Nanny0gg · 11/04/2015 13:52

As she can't be bothered to come and see her GD, why bother sending photos?

She clearly isn't interested. Just stop.

Spero · 11/04/2015 15:08

It does actually sound like this is more about your relationship with your MiL than objections to on line sharing of photographs per se. She won't initiate conversation with you and says she is too busy to see her GD (at least, that is your perception) so you are annoyed at her presenting what you see is a false picture of her involvement with your daughter?

sounds like best thing is to talk to your husband about why she won't talk to you/see her GD, rather than deflect your possibly justified annoyance onto something else.

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