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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want MIL sharing DD's pictures online?

74 replies

Scouseatheart · 09/04/2015 19:17

My MIL and I have never got on, so I don't know if this is clouding my judgment on this.

Basically, any pictures my DH sends his mother of DD end up online. Neither me or DH have put pictures online ourselves of DD and have asked everybody in the family not to either. MIL completely ignores us (well, me, DH wont really say anything to her about it) but, MIL has loads of random people on her fb account that she has added through games and such, she doesn't actually know them. Random friends keep commenting on the pics asking if they are photos of MIL's daughter Confused she has 10 grandchildren and 2 great grandchildren so its not as if DD is get first. AIBU?

OP posts:
Pyjamaschocolateandwine · 09/04/2015 20:10

Oh if your bil/sil had the ban, and she respects that, then that's not on.

PlasticCircus · 09/04/2015 20:11

OP- I don't think YABU. We don't put ANY photos of our DC online at all and have asked others to respect that too. They all do though so it's not an issue. Facebook sharing isn't mandatory!

Personally, i think a lot of people completely over share their personal lives on places like FB. However, that is their decision. I won't put any photos of my children online until they can make the informed, adult decision to do so themselves. It honestly feels like giving away their privacy without them having a say and I am very uncomfortable with it. I don't think that makes me that odd!

Highlowdollypepper · 09/04/2015 20:13

You are absolutely not being unreasonable. Total strangers looking at pics of your children, probably managing to work out addresses, possibly which schools they go to (photos of children in uniforms with logos are a big give away). I think your MiL is out of order.

Bakeoffcake · 09/04/2015 20:13

Get DH to speak to her and if she doesn't agree to stop putting on photos, tell her you won't be able to give her anymore photos.

SASASI · 09/04/2015 20:14

Currently having the same issue.

YANBU

My MIL is the passive aggressive type, huffs & puffs about everything & thinks she can get away with it.

Third time she's put a pic up of our DC despite being told not to.

Cliffdiver · 09/04/2015 20:16

op yanbu, DH and I don't want pictures of our DDs on the Internet.

It's not because we think the Internet is full of paedophiles Hmm but because we believe our DDs have the right to privacy and so will therefore keep pictures of them off social media until they are old enough to decide otherwise.

We're not on FB but my DM is and she knows and respects our decision - even though I don't think she agrees with it -

When DDs were born she asked if she could post a picture and we agreed she could post 1 picture that would be removed after a week.

Spero · 09/04/2015 20:16

in the future she may not want her employer /friends etc to have free access to her baby/toddler pictures

Sorry, I am being thick but how on earth is any future employer in 20 years time going to find these photos? If the child isn't tagged, how are they searchable? And I assume the chid can't be tagged as she/he won't have a Facebook account.

Surely the real risk here is people who post their own dodgy pics when they are older and don't keep their profiles private.

And btw I couldn't give a flying fart who sees a photo of me as a baby. I was a very lovely baby. I can't see how that is going to damage my life prospects in any way, shape or form.

Andylion · 09/04/2015 20:17

YANBU. I have no children of my own but am very to close my relatives' children.. I make sure to get permission from all parents before I post any pics. This is entirely up to you and your DH.

Original poster
Scouseatheart · 09/04/2015 20:17

Sorry BinaryBuuny I did mean to reply to you. DH sends them, normally via text to MIL.

OP posts:
CoveredInWit · 09/04/2015 20:24

YANBU. DH and I are the same regarding FB, specifically because we live and work in a medium sized town and DFIL is FB friends with basically the entire town. We're not up for our clients nosing around at our personal life.

But anther issue is the fact that anyone could download such photos for whatever reason. I watched a documentary recently about teenaged girls' FB pics ending up on porn sites. Sounds like scaremongering but it was by a respected current affairs programme here.
Yes of course it'll be up to them what they post at that stage (hence the need for frank and honest discussion of posting online) but I figure when DD is old enough she can decide how much of her life she wants to share online.

FWIW DH's family have respected this even though I know they eye roll and think we are being ridiculously PFB! (Don't care.)

TheShouldersOfGiants · 09/04/2015 20:36

I get the privacy thing and not sharing every last moment of a child's sometimes really boring life online 500 times a day like some people do.

But worrying about photos being retrieved from your profile decades down the line to ruin 40th birthday parties or future employee prospects? Really?

random79 · 09/04/2015 20:40

Without being rude, you don't have a problem with mil, you have a problem with DH. He is fundamentally putting pictures of your DC online.

If he stopped sending them then they would stop going online. If he really is determined to favour his mother's feelings over his wife's then he could use something like Snapchat that deletes the pictures

Original poster
Scouseatheart · 09/04/2015 20:49

random79 I understand what you are saying, and DH has cut down the number of pictures he sends, but, we asked MIL to not post them, so she is going against our wishes. She has no problem respecting BIL/SIL wishes (that are the same as ours)

OP posts:
chickenfuckingpox · 09/04/2015 20:53

contact facebook and tell them that she doesnt have your permission to put the photos up

BinaryBunny · 09/04/2015 20:53

Ask her why she is ignoring you and not the others?

Get DH to man up a bit and sort it out.

random79 · 09/04/2015 20:57

Scouseatheart in your first post you say he hasn't said anything to her, so I would still say that he is the one involved. He should either say something, not send her pictures, or use something like Snapchat. If he does none of these then he is the one responsible for the pictures going online fundamentally - she isn't taking them after all

Moogajoo · 09/04/2015 21:03

YANBU

Ask her to take the pictures down.

If she doesn't then report them to Facebook who will take them down. They are unauthorised pictures of a minor.

AGirlCalledBoB · 09/04/2015 21:03

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. I don't have pictures of my son online and it is not hard for people to respect your wishes as a parent. I would get yor oh to say something to her again or stop sending pictures

hoobypickypicky · 09/04/2015 21:05

"Its not about paedophiles and such that we don't post picture. Its for the simple reason that we are very private people, but we do alot of promoting for DH business on fb, so we do have to have alot of people as friends."

Eh? What's that got to do with your MiL? Your MiL isn't in control of your husband's page, is she?

BTW, you can have two FB pages you know, one for business and one for family and friends.

YABU and a bit precious. In a few years your child will be posting photos all over the place. In the meantime no-one is going to harm her just because her photo's on Facebook. Pick your battles. One day you might need to pull parental rank over MiL about something which really matters. This doesn't.

Original poster
Scouseatheart · 09/04/2015 21:11

Someone was asking why we don't post pictures online.

We do have a separate account for the business, but we still promote through our personal accounts.

She probably will, and we won't stop that (how can you really) but while we have a say about what gets posted about her, we will continue not to post her pictures online. Plus, as I said, and you pointed out, its not about any harm coming to her. To me and DH, this does really matter.

OP posts:
DinkyDye · 09/04/2015 21:20

Why do people think it's ok for anyone to go against the parent's wishes in this instance Confused

Random your logic is illogical! The MIL is posting the pics. The DH may be sending them to her but she is the one putting them up against the OP and her DH wishes. Sure they can stop sending them...or she could stop being a prat.

OP yanbu. We post a few of dd and the inlaws now check whether they can but it's your dc so up to you.

Silverdaisy · 09/04/2015 21:20

Really, most people that are on the mil page will ignore the baby photos. Those that have pressed like have done so out of politeness. Children are not that fascinating. Sorry x

coconutpie · 09/04/2015 21:23

YANBU. I know some people have to post daily photos of their kids on fb, but that's not for me.

There's a simple solution to this - stop sending her photos. Tell her that you've had enough and if she won't respect your wishes, then no photos will be sent to her. What a bloody cow she is blatantly going against what you've requested, especially when she respects the wishes of your other family members.

TendonQueen · 09/04/2015 21:28

As random said, your DH is the problem here. Your MIL won't listen, so you have to cut off the supply of photos, which means him not sending them. If you told him you didn't want to send her any photos at all, would he agree? Or is that going to be a sticking point? YANBU by the way. Your photos, your choice.

CurbsideProphet · 09/04/2015 21:30

Facebook saves any photos that are posted and puts them on an external website that they cannot be deleted from. If your MIL is being respectful of your BIL/SIL 's wishes then she is being v unreasonable by not respecting your same request.

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