Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not understand suburban/domestic bliss

316 replies

saltnpepa · 08/04/2015 19:32

I am beginning to wonder if I am the only person that doesn't aspire to the suburban/domestic dream of a detached modern house with a double garage, manicured lawn and 2 weeks a year in Tenerife. It seems adverts on TV and pretty much everywhere sell this dream, this image of modern family life, but it leaves me cold at best and fills me with dread at worst. Surely there's more to life than that?

OP posts:
autumnboys · 08/04/2015 20:16

Outwardly, we look like this (well, garden is wild, and we're camping in Wales sorts, but the house bit is right). Of course there is more to life than real estate, but it doesn't mean you're short of imagination if you do live like that. Having extra space, for example, has allowed us to welcome all sorts of long and short term guests. Our longest staying guest was here for six months. We met him once before he moved in, but he (thankfully!) became a friend.

ahbollocks · 08/04/2015 20:16

I moved house 26 times by the time I was 21, toured with a rock band, lived in 3 different countries, witnessed shootings and drug turf wars went on daily, literally outside my front door.
All sounds exciting but it was exhausting, now I live by the seaside in a rural place and some times the only people I speak to etc are my elderly neighbours about their donkeys or flowers or the weather.
Honestly ive never been happier.

Jackieharris · 08/04/2015 20:18

This type of OP is why the English have a reputation for being ridiculous snobs.

Perfectlypurple · 08/04/2015 20:18

Each to their own. I would love to give up work and potter about at home, as it is I work, but I am happy. Live in a nice house, with a lovely garden. Not in town but not a million miles away. One day I hope to go part time and enjoy more leisure time. Ultimately as long as I have my family I am happy. If you want to live a different life then do it, no one is stopping you. I would hate to live in London, I love to visit but happy to return to my suburban lifestyle. I can see the appeal though of city living and would never look down on people who choose that life. I don't see the point of worrying about what other people want/do.

HagOtheNorth · 08/04/2015 20:23

Here's a song from the 60s that we used to twang our guitars to

FenellaFellorick · 08/04/2015 20:25

well Emma, I currently live rurally (not in scotland though) and we get snowed in and cut off most years, so I do have experience of stockpiling, digging out your car and the electric conking out for the nth time, so it wouldn't be a total shock.

Few years ago we were stuck for over a week and when I went to try to dig the car out, like a total plank I pushed the snow on the car roof towards me and ended up looking like a snowman Grin dealing with winter doesn't scare me at all.

Of course, it helps that I'm really not a people person Grin

LastOneDancing · 08/04/2015 20:25

What DO you want that is so different OP?

The facts are we all want to live somewhere safe, warm, with basic sanitation.
We all want people (or sometimes animals) around us to love and be loved by.
We all want to have a bit of fun.

Take this model and apply whatever type of home/family/fun activity in whatever locations you like. It's all the same basic things. No one better than the other.

If you hand on heart don't want the three things I listed above then I will accept you are a special snowflake Smile

BlinkAndMiss · 08/04/2015 20:26

So don't do it OP, you sound quite immature if it evokes such a powerful response from you. It's not compulsory you know...

shakemysilliesout · 08/04/2015 20:27

I bet op lives on a narrow boat

MrsMook · 08/04/2015 20:28

I've got two out of 4. The lawn's a bit of a swamp though, and I went to Tenerife once on a field trip. That was enough. I generally prefer something more eccentic or rough and ready for a holiday.

I'm very content with my home (other than the DIY). I have sufficient space and privicy. The full convienences of town are within 20 minutes by car, and there is a bus option. I'm also on the fringes of the countryside. Today I went for a 2 hour walk/run, and all but 15 minutes of it was in the countryside. It's the best of both worlds.

The garage is great for DH's DIY paraphinalia!

expatinscotland · 08/04/2015 20:29

'Most people are afraid to take risks or to be different op. That's why.'

Or maybe they just don't get the point of navel gazing once adolescence passes. Maybe some people like living in a burb in a modern house with a fortnight in Spain a year, they care not if it's 'not taking a risk' or 'being different'.

fourteen · 08/04/2015 20:30

I bet she's 19 Smile

Idontseeanydragons · 08/04/2015 20:33

Growing up I had a very different lifestyle to my friends in their ad mans dream type houses - touring the country for parts of the year, staying with different people in places like narrow boats, communes, a treehouse on one memorable occasion and seeing sights that will stay with me forever (in a good way).
Now I'm a SAHM with a middle management husband in a fairly mc area living in a semi detached house with a sometimes manicured lawn Smile
I don't pine for the old life I had but I haven't just settled for this way either, I try to combine both in small ways as much as possible and for the most part it works nicely.
Neither way of living is better or more frightening than the other, its just 2 different ways of living.

nunkspugget · 08/04/2015 20:35

Yeah, I used to be sneering about package holidays....but then actually went on one and loved it! You sound like those tedious book bores who could never have a kindle Shock because really deep thinkers only read dusty old tombes bought from artisanal bookstores.

expatinscotland · 08/04/2015 20:38

I used to hate the idea of going on a cruise, nunk. Not because I thought they were tacky, but because I had anxiety about fires, accidents, sickness.

Then I went on one.

It was fucking awesome.

longdiling · 08/04/2015 20:39

Why does it fill you with dread OP? This isn't the 1950's. You don't have to choose suburbia. Life isn't an inevitable march towards marriage and 2.4 kids. The world is your oyster surely?

KatieScarlettreregged · 08/04/2015 20:39

That's me except for we only have a single garage and prefer Fuerteventura or a cruise for our winter holiday. City holiday in summer.
Frankly, I'm happy as a pig in shit.

CharlesRyder · 08/04/2015 20:40

I very clearly remember saying to (now)DH on a dinner date in a little Italian bistro at 22 years old 'If we ever find ourselves living in suburbia, in a boring house, with 2.4 kids and a Volvo, SHOOT ME'.

Now at 35 we live in a village, in a boringly modern 4 bed detached with a double garage and a smart garden. We have a child (and consider ourselves daringly different for only having one) and an estate car and I work part time so I can go on the school run.

I bloody love it. I am damn happy. The freedom of being openly and willingly uncool is immensely liberating. .

Notagainmun · 08/04/2015 20:41

I have all that OP sneers at. I also have great friends, wonderful family, social life and several interests and I am thankful . What is so wrong with that?

I wish everyone could have the homes and lives they would like, why do you care OP? Where have you gone OP?

CharlesRyder · 08/04/2015 20:42

Oh- and I have a woodburner and an obsession with dry enough logs. Living the dream

MamainMilan · 08/04/2015 20:44

I am beginning to wonder if I am the only person...

You lost me right there, OP.

Obviously you're not the only one. I'm afraid there are millions with similar thoughts on that particular scenario.

It's fab for some. It's not for others.

I would try to feel less defined by it though.

daisychain01 · 08/04/2015 20:46

Presumably nobody is forcing you to have a detached modern house with a double garage, manicured lawn and 2 weeks a year in Tenerife, are they?

These things are just an arbitrary list of "stuff" that can loosely be categorised as trappings of modern life. If they don't appeal to you, then don't lose any sleep over it.

I have never been to Tenerife, and I don't have a manicured lawn, but I do have a modern house and garage. We enjoy living in reasonable comfort and realise we are lucky to have the choice to live where we do. It would be disingenuous of me to say otherwise and I don't apologise for it.

For goodness sake, if it isn't for you, just don't do it - you'll be miserable if you would prefer to live in a campervan without the obligation of a mortgage.

HagOtheNorth · 08/04/2015 20:47

Do you have people you dislike who are living that lifestyle, and are you conflating the living in suburbia with the traits about them you dislike?
What do you want out of your life?

CalamityPain · 08/04/2015 20:50

I don't want it but feel I should. As much as I want to live like a student forever, I probably can't.

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid · 08/04/2015 20:51

charles a wood burner is my dream. Lawn is already looking pretty good but I can't do strips.