To not understand suburban/domestic bliss

[saltnpepa]

I am beginning to wonder if I am the only person that doesn't aspire to the suburban/domestic dream of a detached modern house with a double garage, manicured lawn and 2 weeks a year in Tenerife. It seems adverts on TV and pretty much everywhere sell this dream, this image of modern family life, but it leaves me cold at best and fills me with dread at worst. Surely there's more to life than that?

I aspire to live happily with a healthy family in a nice house with a good standard of living, in whatever form that takes.

I can understand rural bliss, even if it means a small terraced ex-farm cottage with 2 bedrooms, and I can understand city-lovers living in centrally located flats, especially with nice period features. But I'm with you on this one OP - a suburban concrete box, squeezed into a small plot, alongside identikit others, and the "lifestyle" that goes with it- driving everywhere - not for me.

But that is what our planning system is mainly building now.

Not really. You may think you are, but you're not. It's a bit, well, it shows a lack of understanding about how varied people lives, hopes and dreams are, really.

I have no interest in a modern house, fancy lawn and holidays in tenerife. But I don't give a shit if that's what other people want. That's up to them and it doesn't affect me at all.

I want to buy a lovely old natural stone farmhouse in scotland with a hundred or so acres and have sheep, chickens, goats, a greenhouse or two to grow veg.

Holidays - anywhere that isn't touristy. I don't like busy places.

Lawns - I like meadows rather than the two tone lawn look.

I live rurally. You have to drive everywhere.

I live in Suburbia and no way can we leave our manicured lawns for two weeks in Tenerife as we need to be there manicuring constantly!

Ahhh, is this what we're playing now, my house has been built considerably better than your house. Or something.

I have oak floorboards...

Most people are afraid to take risks or to be different op. That's why.

In reality you may spend hours driving your children around if you live in a rural farm cottage (assuming you have a car - ideally you would probably need 2) and if you live in a city centre flat you will probably be apologising to your neighbours about your children's noise all the time.

Of course there are villages with great train connections and beautiful flats near to parks - they tend to be priced accordingly.

Most people are afraid to take risks or to be different op. That's why

I dunno. The OP described me pretty well.

I emigrated nearly 8 years ago. Bit risky but worked out nicely.

There was a time I wouldn't have considered it, my idea of hell. However since getting married, having a baby at a relatively late age and buying a house where we could afford, as opposed to where I would have liked, I've come to love it and appreciate it. After a fairly chaotic upbringing the stability has made me very happy. I'm very grateful for what we have. Only got a semi detached though

Oh, Op - I get it - you're one of those kooky, wacky types who fly by the seat of their pants.

Sigh. How tedious. Try live and let live, love.

My lawn makes me very happy. It's got stripes and the stripes are perfectly straight I must spend hours and hours looking after it. I wander around it looking for weeds to kill, listening to the birds and daydreaming.

Errr - nope, I'm loving the detached house / manicured lawn (cough. Well, when it's bedded in, another couple of years should do it) idea. Also the one parent at work one parent at home setup.

Wouldn't go for 2 weeks in Tenerife though - too far away and expensive given the miles of empty sandy beach on my doorstep. Plus winter skiing on the other doorstep, it's a pretty good setup from where I'm sitting :-)

Aw - the rural dream. Chickens, roses around the door, old stone farmhouse.

I'd give most people two weeks in the depths of winter. Tops.

It's not what most people aspire to, though. It's what advertisers think the average family aspires to. It's a stereotypical "normal" life but it probably isn't how most people live.
For some it's a dream, most probably have their own aspirations. I, for example, prefer older houses and can't stand Tenerife so you are not the only one, but if that's what floats someone's boat, good for them, horses for courses and all that.

I have a friend who is a peripatetic teacher and never stays in one place more than a couple of years. From inner cities to islands and from Tonga to Ulan Bator.
I have a relative that lives off the grid without electricity and with their own well. I have another who would shrivel up if he moved out of London centre.
We like small town life, between the city and the sea.
It's when you have to live in a way that fills you with dread that you need to protest, is anyone forcing you to make that sort of choice? If not, then you have nothing to fear. Stepford aren't recruiting.

Each to their own.
I live in a village in a large 3 bed detached house.
It's near to my sons schools, it's near to my frail mother and its near Dhs workplace.
Decent major roads also close, as is a regional airport.
Is it what I dreamed of when Young?
Well...no.
Probably not.
But ATM it makes life easier and that is all that matters at this point in my life.

I bet you're not a 9-5 person either op!

I suspect the OP 'couldn't possibly bear to work in an office' either

I'll bite :) I used to be really envious of people whose ambitions fit more or less your description. I still am, for some of the same reasons & some different. Back then, I envied people with attainable ambitions because - well, they attain them and then they are happy. My ambitions were more complicated and I knew I would have to compete hard (something I dislike doing) to reach them. In the end I did OK - not 100% success but not bad.

Then things went tits up for me, and I'm now one of the people who can never hope to own a house of any description again, let alone a detached one with accessories. The vast majority of my peers have nice big houses, lots of cars & holidays, all that stuff. I envy them - still not in a resentful way, but envy I do. So: earlier on, I envied people with restrained ambition; now I envy people with secure attainments. I get the impression you're still in the 'before' stage, OP, and wish you good luck.

I still don't think an automatic air freshener will turn my flat into a 4-bed showhome, though!

I suspect the OP 'couldn't possibly bear to work in an office' either

Do tell us where and how you live, OP.

Or are you afraid some of us might sneer at you as you have sneered?

It fills you with dread? There are lots of truly dreadful things in the world but I wouldn't put holidays in Tenerife and a double garage in that category. For goodness sake do you think everyone in a modern house with a well cared for lawn lives some kind of Stepford wives homogenous existence?

OP is a manic pixie dream girl…

You suburban drones just don't get it

There is so much more to her than square, boxy, manicured prisons; she is the only one that has ever had these thoroughly original free-thinking musings… (apparently)