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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to bang my head on a wall when my friend told me she intends to do The Special K Diet?

27 replies

Jaredletoisking · 06/04/2015 23:17

My friend has always been quite big and ever since I've known her she has been doing a different diet - Weight Watchers, Slimming World and Special K.

She loses about a stone and then puts it back on.

She intended to lose a "shit load of weight" as she is being a bridesmaid for her sister in June and she announced that she's going to do The Special K Diet.

I really had to bite my tongue as I just don't feel it's my place but I just wish she'd stop doing faddy diets like Special K, where you only lose weight because you've restricted your calories and will gain the weight back if you go back to how you were eating before.

OP posts:
Pishedorf · 06/04/2015 23:19

YABU.

Harverina · 06/04/2015 23:21

I'm sure your friend knows deep down that faddy diets don't work. She is probably trying it out of desperation. I completely understand that urge to get a quick fix solution to the problem.

Yabu though. She doesn't need you telling her and reminding her how much of a failure she has been at losing wait and maintaining it in the past - at least that is how I would feel - she will be more than aware of that herself Hmm

Maybe try and support her instead - maybe suggest going walking together or similar.

butterfly2015 · 06/04/2015 23:21

Have you tried talking to her about long term ie permanently changing the way she eats?

I can understand the frustration but it sounds like she's not got the will power to see this through. Diets are no use. Healthy eating and smaller portions are the way to go plus exercise. Can you encourage her?

snowglobemouse · 06/04/2015 23:21

YABU

Crossfitmyarse · 06/04/2015 23:23

YANBU and she doesn't have a hope of losing a 'shitload' between now and June on special K or anything else.

Wolfiefan · 06/04/2015 23:24

Sorry but I don't agree YABU. I had to ask a family member to stop telling me how wonderful their diet of the week was. (Frankly I have enough food issues of my own!)

Eat healthily and exercise = healthy body. Anything else is just a route to failure.

Original poster
Jaredletoisking · 06/04/2015 23:24

That's what I mean, I want to encourage her to look at her own diet and to make lifestyle changes.

I'm not trying to make her feel like a failure. But I want to do something to help her succeed.

OP posts:
needaholidaynow · 06/04/2015 23:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

revealall · 06/04/2015 23:38

Yanbu

However... If she can lose a stone in time for the big day what's the problem.

Basically she had to eat less calories. Whether that be a bowl of carp cereal twice a day, salads all day long or just anything as long as as she's hungry not greedy then it will work.It's all boring.

ljwales · 07/04/2015 08:03

Yanbu! Its horrible to see someone you love on a self destructive path.

Although most here will tell you your being u as they have food issues, as does most of the UK with 70% obese or overweight.

ApocalypseThen · 07/04/2015 08:09

She's a grown woman. Let her eat what she likes. I genuinely don't think she's looking for your permission, she's just making fairly standard conversation which doesn't warrant an intervention.

duplodon · 07/04/2015 08:10

None of your business, really. If she wants to make lasting, sustainable change she will. If she wants a quick fix, she will go for that. She won't do things differently based on your judgement, opinions or advice.

If you talk to her about this, it will be very difficult, in the context of our culture, to do it without being shaming of her in some way. I'm guessing that wouldn't be in line with your values as a friend, so leave well enough alone and smile and nod.

Your job as a friend is to accept her as she is, not try to change her. As soon as you start trying to change friends into people they're not, you're on a hiding to nothing. I'm sure there's some aspect of your life you wouldn't want judgement and advice about.

Marmaladedandelions · 07/04/2015 08:11

I don't necessarily see the SK diet as a self destructive path! I've done a few so called faddy diets which have worked and I've been quite happy with.

ljwales · 07/04/2015 08:13

maladedandelions

I don't necessarily see the SK diet as a self destructive path! I've done a few so called faddy diets which have worked and I've been quite happy with.

ljwales · 07/04/2015 08:15

She'd be just as well off doing a dounut diet, one for breakfast, one for lunch and a normal dinner. Its an awful diet that does nothing to address the causes of overweight, just gets you eating more processed shit.

theconstantvacuumer · 07/04/2015 08:16

You sound like one of those people who's only a friend when the other person is behaving how you want. Let her get on with it, it's not harming you is it? Other than being mildly frustrating.

SunshineAndShadows · 07/04/2015 08:24

It's a sad world if talking to our friends about our concerns is only warranted if it impacts us. Surely Offerring advice based on genuine concern for your friend is reasonable. And yes sometimes advice does help
People to change their behaviour

ChickenMe · 07/04/2015 08:34

It's frustrating because sometimes things make more sense from the outside. She's an adult though so I would save your energy and say nothing unless asked. I've been there many a time with a friend who, every so often, announces with glee that she's doing WW..it lasts about a month and that's it, back to her normal eating. Let her get on with it - the best way to influence s/o is to lead by example.

keepsmiling2015 · 07/04/2015 08:38

YANBU - special k diet. That sounds awful. Sugary crap twice a day and a dinner. Their are much healthier ways of losing weight, nobody can keep up the fad diets long term. But I guess you have to just leave her off, she's a grown woman and probably desperate to fit into a bridesmaids dress v soon.

Marmaladedandelions · 07/04/2015 08:44

You don't keep the, up long term. You keep them up until you've lost weight Grin

Harverina · 07/04/2015 08:59

Morning wrong with offering friendly advice and guidance, aswell as support but not if your being judgmental.

Harverina · 07/04/2015 09:00

*nothing

duplodon · 07/04/2015 09:44

Offering unsolicited advice almost never, ever leads to long-term behavioural change. In fact, the evidence weight can be taken off and kept off long term even when someone is hugely committed and really values their health isn't great, let alone when someone is only presently interested in a quick fix.

Original poster
Jaredletoisking · 07/04/2015 14:15

You sound like one of those people who's only a friend when the other person is behaving how you want

What?! Sorry but that really actually made me laugh out loud. The conclusions that some people come to on here is mind boggling.

Are you trying to imply that I'm controlling? That I will only be her friend if she eats healthy and stops faddy diets? Confused

I've been her friend for 8 years, she has struggled with weight during that whole time. I'm her friend and continue to be her friend regardless of what she eats and what size she is.

If you see someone struggling, surely you want to help them? The fact that it's a friend makes it more personal because you know their history etc

OP posts:
TedAndLola · 07/04/2015 14:25

I think YABU. She wants to lose weight for a specific event, which is what 'faddy' diets are best suited for.

I don't think you should try and give her any advice on losing weight either, unless she asks for it. Fat people aren't stupid and having their friends patronise them (which is how it will feel, even if you have the best intentions!) doesn't help at all.