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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to come back over a year later to update?

65 replies

FarOverTheRainbow · 06/04/2015 09:41

I thought I would finally come back and update for anyone that's interested. Over a year ago me and my abusive XP split up. Him and his family, mainly his mum were controlling abusive and a nightmare. They kicked me and DD out of our home told me I had to leave all the furniture even the things I'd paid for otherwise he'd get me arrested. He wasn't looking after my DD properly bringing her back soiled and in a state, refusing to give her back on time, locking her up until I hgave him specific things out the house. The list goes on and on. . The police were called out many times and one of the last times I updated was when I has moved into a refuge.

Not sure if anyone remembers but I don't really know how to link the old threads.

I spent 6 months in a refuge and his behaviour got worse and worse, he hired private investigators to find me and harass my friends and family. He would drive looking for me daily. He threatened to kill me twice. Tried to run my car off the road while I had DD in it. Smashed my friends window when he knew me and DD had been there that day.

He's taken me though the court system through a fact finding hearing and found guilty of controlling abusivng me and everything else I said happened. The process is finally finishing up but now he's decided not to see my DD thankfully.

Not sure if anyone's interested in an update but when all is as going on I didn't even realise I was being abused or that anything was wrong with his behaviour, MN helped me see everything so much more clearly gave me completely invaluable help and advice and was an absolutely amazing source of support for me that I can never properly explain just helped much all you on here helped me.

I was re reading through my old threads and can't quite believe how different my life is now and how much of a different life I have so thank you so much to everyone on MN who stuck with me through months and months of hell at all hours of the night and listened to me moan time and time again and helped me at one of the worst times of my life Flowers Star Cake

OP posts:
MissPenelopeLumawoo2 · 06/04/2015 09:45

I am so glad you have posted, I remember your threads and I often wondered how you were getting on. Sorry your ex was so awful but hopefully you have come through it now and can get on with your lives. Well done for staying strong. Tried to run my car off the road while I had DD in it. Smashed my friends window when he knew me and DD had been there that day. What an utter git. You know you've done the right thing!

NynaevesSister · 06/04/2015 09:46

On my iPhone, if I click on the icon at the bottom of the screen and select the Copy option, it copies the link to that page and I can paste it into a comment. Maybe try that?

I am glad you came back to update as I remember at least one of your threads. The one where you were being made to move out.

How are you doing? Do you have your own place now?

CadleCrap · 06/04/2015 09:49

So glad you are in a better place now -Thanks

EveBoswell · 06/04/2015 09:57

For you, OP Flowers

Ejzuudjej · 06/04/2015 10:28

Good news Smile
I'm glad you and DD get to live a git-free life.

Hissy · 06/04/2015 10:44

Bloody well done! I'm so glad you seem to be coming out winning!

What a complete arsehole he is! Make sure that you never allow him access to your daughter. Use his conviction to protect yourself and her.

CapnMurica · 06/04/2015 10:47

I'm so pleased for you OP. I'm lucky enough never to have been in your position - but really, you must read what you've written and be thinking it sounds like a bad movie. Surely people don't really behave like that in real life?!

I've been on MN and read the news enough to know they do. Happy you got out OP, well done Flowers

waithorse · 06/04/2015 10:57

I don't remember your threads, but it sounds like you've come so far. Well done and be proud of yourself. Your dd will thank you for protecting her when she's older. Good luck in the future. Thanks

WilburIsSomePig · 06/04/2015 11:01

Fantastic news OP! Well done for getting yourself and your DD away from such a dreadful situation.

MrsHathaway · 06/04/2015 11:03

I remember your threads.

Super well done! Flowers

MrsHathaway · 06/04/2015 11:04

I think this is thread one.

Instituteofstudies · 06/04/2015 11:05

I don't remember your threads (terribly memory) but am so glad to hear you are doing so well. You've been through so much so it's brilliant that it sounds as if it was worth it to be free from your ex and for you and your dd to have a much better life.

I so wish I'd known about MN when I was going through hell with my ex. I'd have realised far sooner what a bastard he was and would have probably been able to leave him before he had the chance to ruin my life. MN really can be bloody amazing (and life changing). So great you got the support and help you needed to take such huge steps.

All the luck in the world to you and your dd Flowers.

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 06/04/2015 11:06

Thank you everyone, I read back now and it's horrible to read.

Me and DD are happy and settled, he still isn't out of our lives completely because he can still be a twatbut he knows he has to be careful because of the non molestation order I have but once the last court case is done then hopefully that will be us. The worst part is he was allowed supervised contact but because t wasn't on the day he wanted he just doesn't want to see her at all now and said to the courts it's to emotional for him, he never once thought about my daughter in all of this but as long as he leaves us alone to get on with our lives then there's nothing more could ask for

I still go to women's groups and have a support person but we don't talk very often now which is good but knowing she is there is massive security for me,

I've done the freedom programme and that was great.

I'm so lucky for the advice and support I've had on here I don't know where me and DD would be without it

OP posts:
maras2 · 06/04/2015 11:06

Lovely news.I'm so pleased for you. Flowers Cake Brew

Original poster
FarOverTheRainbow · 06/04/2015 11:08

That was the first thread I made MrsHathoway, thank you I don't know how to link Thanks

OP posts:
MamaLazarou · 06/04/2015 11:09

This thread has made my day. Well done and good for you, OP. You're a true warrior woman X

Oldraver · 06/04/2015 11:15

I hope you and your daughter go on to have a very happy and peaceful life x

MagentaOeuflon · 06/04/2015 11:15

Wow FarOver I don't think I knew about your story previously, but I'm so glad you are where you are now. Well done FlowersEaster Smile

Thanks for posting this update too because it's so important for other women in your situation to see that it is wrong and that they can get away.

PeppermintCrayon · 06/04/2015 11:16

You ARE a warrior woman! Well done you for coming so far.

SpinDoctorOfAethelred · 06/04/2015 11:42

I remember your threads. I'm so glad things are on the up now.

SunshineBossaNova · 06/04/2015 12:06

I'm so glad for you and your DD OP. Flowers

RavioliOnToast · 06/04/2015 12:07

I haven't been on MN that long so haven't seen any old threads, just wanted to say congratulations and well done you! may you and your DD have a beautiful safe happy life Thanks Thanks Thanks Thanks Thanks

itsmeitscathy · 06/04/2015 12:07

I remember you, sorry to hear how awful things were but I'm glad things are looking up for you xx

sleepyMe12 · 06/04/2015 12:11

I remember your threads and have often wondered how you are getting on. I'm so pleased you and DD are ok Flowers

LovelyBranches · 06/04/2015 12:11

Well done to you. You have done something so special for your dd by taking her out of that old life and making sure she has something better. I hope your life goes on to be peaceful and joyful.

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