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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

is this sexual harassment?

74 replies

foreverton · 06/04/2015 08:50

Hi, don't want to give too much away but basically there's a man at my work who is generally lovely, if a little flirty.

He is the type to make lewd comments that get laughed off etc.

I've been on a few shifts with him recently where he's commented on my boobs and touched my bum.

The final straw was him asking me to send him a pic of my boobs, I obviously said no, he is making me very uncomfortable.

We work nights and there are usually only a couple of us in.
I've rang in sick the last two shifts, am also going through a period of severe anxiety unrelated to this.

I'm due in tonight, feel sick at the thought.

I suppose I'm worried about telling somebody and they don't take it seriously.

Btw, were both married with kids, I'm happy, he clearly isn't.

I've heard a lot of colleagues saying he makes them sick/uncomfortable/ he's a perv etc.

What do I do?

Thanks

OP posts:
straighttothepoint · 06/04/2015 08:51

You need to report it. Try and get evidence, ie use your phone as a recorder, keep texts etc.

Crownjewel · 06/04/2015 08:53

Yes, this is harassment. Please raise it with your manager asap. He may well be doing similar to others and relying on them thinking "is it or isn't it" and using that as an excuse not to report him. It'll be an uncomfortable conversation for you, but it's a necessary one.

Only1scoop · 06/04/2015 08:53

Report to Hr and keep evidence.

Awful Hmm

AlternativeTentacles · 06/04/2015 08:53

You don't have to get evidence. You report it as a sexual harassment and when they investigate, make sure that everyone else that feels it is also truthful about it.

Icimoi · 06/04/2015 08:53

Tell him that if there is any repetition you will be reporting him formally to HR. If you're worried about not being believed, can you record him? Can you get together with your colleagues to make a formal complaint?

cailindana · 06/04/2015 08:53

Yes, that is quite severe sexual harassment, and any unwanted touching is sexual assault. You need to tell your boss and insist they sort it out. If they don't take it seriously then say you will need to go to the police.

shewept · 06/04/2015 08:54

It is harassment. You need to get your thoughts written down, evidence if possible and report it. You shouldn't have to deal with this at work.

Some work places don't allow recording equipment on site, so check out if that's will be ok before you film or record him.

Shakey1500 · 06/04/2015 09:01

Of course it's sexual harassment! No-one should put up with this! He touched your bum?? Ye Gads. Report immediately.

Original poster
foreverton · 06/04/2015 09:25

Thanks everyone for replying.
There isn't a HR dept, it's a franchised restaurant and gossip spreads in there like wildfire.

I'm dreading telling the manager, I've missed out on wages over this so I can't let it go on any longer, this man is inappropriate with gay members of staff too so that's why I'm thinking that nobody will believe me:(

I know what he has done is wrong, I was shocked I suppose how I didn't react as I should have done. He knows I'm going through personal stuff so I feel has taken advantage of me being vulnerable.

This man is much older than me, is mr popular and I'm relatively new.

Have told my dh, he is really angry. I really like my job but the only shifts I can do are with him:(

I've got to be brave and make a call haven't I.

OP posts:
straighttothepoint · 06/04/2015 09:26

Put your phone on video recorder and get some recordings of his behaviour first, as this will help.

TiredButFine · 06/04/2015 09:38

It does not matter that he is the same with men and women- it's not appropriate in the workplace.
It makes you uncomfortable and he touched you inappropriately- there's no excuse for this.

Frasras11 · 06/04/2015 09:43

It's harassment. Don't wait for it to happen again, report it immediately to your manager and ask for a formal complaint to be made. I would also ask not to be put on the same shifts as him as it's causing you some stress.

Have you told your husband?

Sausagerollers · 06/04/2015 09:46

The fact that he works with the general public works in your favour.

Report him to your manager and the head office in writing and keep a copy (including any responses/confirmations of receipt) emails are good for this.

Make it very clear if a customer ever complains that he sexually harrasses them you will happily provide evidence to that customer, their solicitor and the national newspapers, that the company knew he was a sexual preditor and did nothing to stop it unless they take decisive action today.

People like this should not be allowed to get away with this behaviour.

I believe you OP.

Frasras11 · 06/04/2015 09:48

Sorry hadn't read all the posts!! Oops!!

Even if it's a franchised restaurant you are covered by employment law. Give ACAS a call. They will be able to tell you how to proceed, what your rights are etc.

If this man in inappropriate with a lot of members of staff I'm sure there will be people who come forward as well once a complaint is out there. people are probably scared like you are.

LeBearPolar · 06/04/2015 09:52

I complained when a man at work did nothing more than look at me, commenting on my clothes and how he liked them, staring at my boobs, etc because it made me feel too uncomfortable to go into the area where he worked. And management did take it seriously as a form of harassment. If this man is touching you, that is definitely sexual harassment. Do report it.

This link should reassure you that you are not overreacting, and your company is required by law to protect you from harassment.

MarwoodsMate · 06/04/2015 09:52

Oh my Lord YES this is harrassment! Report immediately. I saw the title of this thread and wondered if it might be someone making a mountain out of a molehill, but this sounds like pretty obvious sexual harrassment to me. Poor you OP. Horrible.

Oldraver · 06/04/2015 09:53

I've heard a lot of colleagues saying he makes them sick/uncomfortable/ he's a perv etc

this man is inappropriate with gay members of staff too so that's why I'm thinking that nobody will believe me

Look at these two statements you have made..of course people will believe you..

Get him reported ASAP

crimsonh · 06/04/2015 09:57

Report him. I would slso ask not to be on the same shift as him as well.

liketohelp · 06/04/2015 10:48

It is sexual harassment.

You can contact ACAS on 0300 123 1100 or on their website for advice.

Or, write down each incident, what he said/did, with date and time, and hand it in to your manager.

Original poster
foreverton · 06/04/2015 12:47

Sausagerollers-Thank you:)
Thanks to everyone, I know I'm not going mad!

Just plucked up the courage, rang my manager's mobile, it rang out.
I rang the work phone, it rang out.

Will try again later.
I just don't know how to initiate the conversation and I'm never ever usually stuck for words:)

OP posts:
AlternativeTentacles · 06/04/2015 12:58

How about 'x sexually assaulted me, by commenting on my breasts on xday and touching my bottom on x day. He also asked me on x day to send him a photo of my breasts. Please tell me the next steps I need to take as this is sexual harassment, and just to let you know that I am taking advice on whether to report it as a sexual assault to the police'.

Lorelei353 · 06/04/2015 13:10

Try writing it down first. Will help you stay focused when you're talking

maliaki · 06/04/2015 13:24

I would follow it up in writing too OP, if you write it first then you can send it after you've used it to talk.

Wibblypiglikesbananas · 06/04/2015 13:33

Don't go in and file for constructive dismissal. Your employment with X company is untenable due to the sexual harassment and abuse you have suffered at the hands of X colleague. You do not have to put up with this and you do not have to suffer financially either.

Lorelei353 · 06/04/2015 15:00

Do follow up in writing. A summary of your conversation, what you raised and how they committed to handling it.

It's a bit premature to be talking about constructive dismissal as you have to give them an opportunity to address the situation. You can't blame them if they don't know about it.