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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

is this sexual harassment?

74 replies

foreverton · 06/04/2015 08:50

Hi, don't want to give too much away but basically there's a man at my work who is generally lovely, if a little flirty.

He is the type to make lewd comments that get laughed off etc.

I've been on a few shifts with him recently where he's commented on my boobs and touched my bum.

The final straw was him asking me to send him a pic of my boobs, I obviously said no, he is making me very uncomfortable.

We work nights and there are usually only a couple of us in.
I've rang in sick the last two shifts, am also going through a period of severe anxiety unrelated to this.

I'm due in tonight, feel sick at the thought.

I suppose I'm worried about telling somebody and they don't take it seriously.

Btw, were both married with kids, I'm happy, he clearly isn't.

I've heard a lot of colleagues saying he makes them sick/uncomfortable/ he's a perv etc.

What do I do?

Thanks

OP posts:

Original poster

foreverton · 10/04/2015 20:38

Thank you Lorelei, the other girl who I mentioned is coming too, I've just messaged her, surely they will have to believe us both xx

OP posts:

Lorelei353 · 10/04/2015 22:22

That's great. So glad you'll have support. Be kind to yourself tomorrow no matter what happens.

Evabeaversprotege · 11/04/2015 10:55

Thinking of you. Hold your head up high today.

Vivacia · 11/04/2015 11:08

Thinking of you too.

Just a note about this, that you said, he's already been in trouble before with his dw for being too friendly with females

You must get out of the mindset that this is a man being over-friendly and tsk, what are men like!. He is sexually harrassing colleagues and probably sexually assaulting them. He is manipulative, careful and predatory. Do not minimise this.

kiwimumof2boys · 11/04/2015 11:52

Good luck OP! let us know how you get on.

blueshoes · 11/04/2015 18:19

All the best, OP. I admire your resolve. 2 person's word against one is powerful. If it is a global company, the powers that be won't want to mess around with a sexual harassment suit for reputational reasons. Hint that you will escalate this up if you are not taken seriously. I am silently cheering you on.

Original poster

foreverton · 11/04/2015 22:24

Hi everyone, Thank you so much for your support, it got me through today:)

So I went to my place of work, colleague was there too, we sat with our manager and it all came out. He was very shocked.

He took statements from us both and said he would be taking one from "him"
Said he would be informing his superiors and would have to consult their legal team.
Also was very accommodating and understanding regarding my shift availability and told me to take a week off to have a rest.

He will be in touch when he knows what's happening, the staff were looking on wondering what was happening. The meeting did not happen in private:(
We will be the talk of the place no doubt. However, I felt a great sense of relief, my colleague was amazing and I couldn't have done it without her.

The most important thing is I know he believed me.

OP posts:

MrsTerryPratchett · 11/04/2015 22:35

kali110 · 11/04/2015 23:17

Omg i cannot believe they didn't do it in private!!!! That is not right!!

Wibblypiglikesbananas · 11/04/2015 23:49

So I go back to what I said right at the start of the thread. Constructive dismissal. Good luck OP.

blueshoes · 12/04/2015 00:19

Glad your manager is taking this seriously, as he should. Fingers crossed for you, OP.

Iflyaway · 12/04/2015 00:36

I can't believe it happened in public either!

I worked in HRM and this would never happen.

Well done, OP for going to the manager. Glad you had back-up too.

What a creep. Pity the poor wife.

Vivacia · 12/04/2015 07:41

Well done OP you did really well to do this.

I have a couple of concerns.

Is the manager following company policy? It seems strange that in such a big company that the next step is for him to take a statement from the other party

Secondly, why the "week off to rest"? Is it paid leave? Is it using up your holiday entitlement?

Lorelei353 · 12/04/2015 07:50

Well done op. Glad he believed you and is taking it seriously. I would expect them to talk to him as they have to put any allegations to him too.

I still don't agree with Wibbly that this is a constructive dismissal case as, so far, they're taking it seriously and it putting you in a position where you have to work with him. The meeting should have been in private but that's not nearly enough for a case.

We'll done you.

kali110 · 12/04/2015 11:16

I don't understand why he's telling you to have the week off either x

AlternativeTentacles · 12/04/2015 11:24

He should not be telling you to have a week off and he should not be having a meeting with you about this in public and he should not be saying he will take a statement off the man.

Wow. This manager needs some training.

Lorelei353 · 12/04/2015 12:03

Why wouldn't he be taking a statement from the man? If you were accused of something this serious you'd expect them to ask you about it before taking any action.

Vivacia · 12/04/2015 12:52

I would expect HR to investigate, somebody a bit more neutral.

liketohelp · 12/04/2015 14:56

Well done OP.

Have you got a company handbook with details of the complaints procedure? If they do a grievance procedure, they will interview you again after they have got a statement from him.

I would guess he will deny everything, even with 2 complaints. So far, they are just allegations. He could say you have always been friends, he didn`t touch you, he must have accidentally brushed against you, the photo request was only a joke, or whatever. Be prepared for complete denial.

Again I recommend you contact ACAS for legal advice. You can type questions on their website, or phone them.

Write down everything before you forget exactly what happened.

Also, don`t tell colleagues anything - it will get back to him.

All the best.

Original poster

foreverton · 23/04/2015 02:07

Hi all, as you can see from the time I am awake and am actually not sleeping properly due to all of this.

My colleague has been sacked.

After 3 interviews and numerous questions, I was told that "x no longer works for us " over the phone last night.
I've got to call my manager today(Thursday) to discuss what I want to do re going back etc.

I'm still in shock, was expecting it but don't feel like I've "won" or anything like that, more releif that I won't have to see him again and that nobody in my workplace is under threat from him.

I am however worried about how colleagues will react. There's a big staff.

Have a close relative in HR ( very senior in household name company ) and she said I should ask them to pay me for the 3 weeks I've been off ( I work pt) as obviously he was on full pay while suspended and I've lost out financially. We got paid this week and I got nothing.

Work also want a doctor's note for their records.

I need to go back as need the money but every time I go in there I feel physically sick:( wwyd?

Thanks to all of you who helped xx

OP posts:

TheMaddHugger · 23/04/2015 03:33

get the doc's note they want and talk to doc about how sick it makes you feel. you may be able to get Therapist on Jobs Dime. (it did/ is because of work)

Chase up the manoy thing, YOU shouldn't be out of pocket

And ((((((((((((((((Huge Hugs)))))))))))))))))

Original poster

foreverton · 23/04/2015 03:57

Thanks hugger!! Same back to you:)

Yes I feel like I should be paid something, work have acknowledged and understood why I haven't been in so am surprised they haven't mentioned paying me, given the circumstances.

I will be speaking to manager tomorrow so will mention it, my GP has already said he will give me a note if needed.

I think manager thinks everything is ok now he's gone but I still feel extremely anxious about going back and will no doubt be the subject of gossip for a while.

I'm hoping that other colleagues will realise that it was all true due to them dismissing him. Companies don't do that lightly. They took a lot of legal advice and spoke to other staff members too.
I will never know the full outcome but it's safe to say he was in the wrong and I did the right thing.

Thank you x

OP posts:

IggyStrop · 23/04/2015 04:20

You were brave and you did the right thing, well done!

Yes there will be a bit of gossip, but just hold your head high - you have done NOTHING wrong. The staff will realise that people don't get sacked for minor transgressions. It will honestly blow over faster than you know it.

Definitely chase up your money. I imagine if your relative told you you were entitled, and she works in HR, she will be in the know.

Hope you get some sleep.

liketohelp · 23/04/2015 13:51

Fantastic news! Well done OP.

Don`t worry about gossip - the managers have backed you up!

best wishes.

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