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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish people would tell you if they have sick children

58 replies

Totality22 · 05/04/2015 10:42

Went to visit a friend on Friday (doesn't live that close so it was a bit of a journey) and upon arrival it quickly became obvious her twins had a cold.

I know I am being a bit precious as it's 'just a cold' but we have had so many fucking illnesses I don't want anymore.

Baby is only 10 weeks old and she has already had a cold.

Anyway, friend doesn't even acknowledge her kids have a streaming cold. I am talking about sneezes and snot and lethargic kids quite unusual in 3yo twins

Baby was asleep in pram for first hour, toddler I couldn't do much about.

When baby woke up I did mention kids being ill and said (very diplomatically) that I wasn't going to put baby to close to them. At this point friend finally said "yeah they seemed to wake up with a cold this morning"

We didn't stay too long, maybe two and half hours....

Baby of course wakes up this morning with a fucking cold.

This has completely scuppered my plans for Easter as we were due to visit relatives for lunch today but one is very old and frail so I am not wanting to pass anything on. Also am meant to be seeing a friend tomorrow who has a premmie so won't be able to do that either.

So annoyed that friend didn't even give me a heads up!

It's not the first time I've had this happen either. I have another friend who bought her 5 year old round when baby was just a week old he was off school with a fucking cold - although she didn't stay and only popped in to drop off a gift and have a peak at baby.

OP posts:
Original poster
Totality22 · 05/04/2015 10:43

Sorry - rant over!

AIBU to expect people to tell me if their kids are ill so I can at least decide if I still want to see them?

OP posts:
ThatBloodyWoman · 05/04/2015 10:49

Totally agree.
There's lots of social interactions we can't avoid,but the close interactions we can avoid with young babies and children,or if trying to hold down a job,or whatever,might make some difference.

Maliceaforethought · 05/04/2015 10:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Totality22 · 05/04/2015 10:53

Don't get me started on the people come into work when they are clearly too ill to be there!!

Also many moons ago I was on a flight when a couple tried to smuggle on a child with chicken pox.

There was a massive to do about it and they were not allowed to board in the end as they had no Dr's note.

I realise life has to go on and we can't lock ourselves away but I do think some people have no consideration at all!

OP posts:
seaoflove · 05/04/2015 10:58

Totally agree with you. It's SO inconsiderate.

If my child catches something naturally, fine, but there's no way I'm going to expose her to ANY illnesses if I can avoid it.

Not showing a bit of consideration around a young baby is even worse. I probably would have left.

BlacknWhitePanda · 05/04/2015 11:01

I hate this.. Every Sunday we all go to mils for roast dinner, I have currently a 3 month old, but a few times we've gone sil has brought their dc with d and v bugs. When she could have left the dc with her dp at home (who stays at home on the Sunday anyway) and came alone... Or at least gave me some sort of warning!

I know dc get ill, but it wasn't something id inflict on a few week old baby!

howabout · 05/04/2015 11:02

I am on MN because I am recovering from really nasty stomach bug. Sure I got it from other Mum at baby gym who told me her DD had been sick the day before, her infant had been up all night with a temperature and she had a really heavy cold. She wanted sympathy from me and I just wanted to lay into her for being so inconsiderate. Wish I had now and may have difficulty not doing so when I see her next. YANBU but get used to it.

MythicalKings · 05/04/2015 11:03

YABU in that it takes 2 days to incubate a cold so your baby didn't catch the cold yesterday.

MythicalKings · 05/04/2015 11:04

Ops. Sorry! I have my Saturday head on. Blush

CrohnicallyInflexible · 05/04/2015 11:05

I remember we visited friends and while we were there they let slip that over the last few days they'd all had d and v. Dd was sick 2 days later but thankfully not too badly. I was very sick 2 days after her, and needed to take time off work, and then my Crohn's flared, I had to have a colonoscopy, MRI and stool tests done, so thanks for that!

shewept · 05/04/2015 11:06

I would say yabu, but sil had a go at me for warning her my kids were ill when she wanted to come round with their newborn. Apparently I was being too precious about ill children.

2 weeks later I had dbro accusing my ds of giving his ds (not the baby) d&v as they had been together the day before and his ds was now ill. Except my ds was fine. He didn't appreciate being told he would get the blame if my ds fell ill as obviously it meant his ds had infected mine.

Still not sure what the right thing to do is! Maybe get a new dbro and sil Grin

PunkrockerGirl · 05/04/2015 11:09

YANBU. Although a cold may not be such a big deal to most of us, it can cause complications to some people with pre-existing conditions and also to babies and the elderly.
Your friend was inconsiderate, especially knowing you have a small baby.

I agree with you about people coming into work when they're clearly too ill to be there. Keep your fucking germs at home people!
If I get a cold it's fine, but if I pass it on to my husband who's got a chronic chest condition, he can end up very ill indeed.

rumbleinthrjungle · 05/04/2015 11:10

Completely agree with you. I'm seething this morning as DM (lives next door) has just popped round all excited about a text from Dsis saying she and her toddlers have awful streaming colds and were at 24 hour walk in last night for one of them - and they'll be popping round to see her tomorrow. DM has been ill a month and is not yet better (in her 70s) from the last cold they gave her, and I have a compromised immune system and am self employed and have lost several days pay so far this year through catching that same cold from them when they turned up coughing, streaming and with temperatures.

DM, typically, instead of saying no which is not a word in her vocabulary, has invited them to lunch. So for 'pop' read all day. The toddlers will of course plaster her and house in snot. She will definitely catch what they have as she always does, and since she's in and out of my house all day like a yoyo she will ensure I get it too.

Not only should that make work really tricky, but I'm taking her on holiday week after next, so good chance we'll both be ill for that too.

GRRRRRRR. Angry Love her, love her kids but ffs some basic consideration would be nice!

GlitteringJasper · 05/04/2015 11:10

Or the people that bring their dc to soft play with the snot tripping them Angry

If you're sick, just stay at home.

CrohnicallyInflexible · 05/04/2015 11:15

I mostly agree with the snot- but allergies run in our family and my niece has always got a bright green snotty nose even when she's well! (Obviously we make sure she blows and wipes appropriately, but she can't avoid contact with other people every day of her life!)

GlitteringJasper · 05/04/2015 11:16

And then said snotty child picks up my toddlers cup and drinks out of it while parents sit back and laugh at how cute snotty child is!

Summeblaze · 05/04/2015 11:18

I am a complete germaphobe and if I or my DC's have sickness or diarrhoea or chicken pox etc then I stay away from everyone for the correct amount of time and even within our house, the 'infected' person is quarantined in their room for the duration of their illness with entertainment provided for them up there. I disinfect everything they are in touch with within an inch of its life. It really annoys me when others don't do the same, especially sickness bugs which just whip around everyone so quick.

However, with a cold it is just impossible. If everyone with a cold just didn't go to work/school, the country would grind to a halt every winter and kids (some more than others) would halve their education. So while I don't like a cold, I wouldn't quarantine myself or expect others to either.

Runwayqueen · 05/04/2015 11:19

Yanbu, dd is recovering from glandular fever slowly, her immune system isn't as strong as it could be. There is nothing I can do sadly to prevent her getting stuff from school (yr r), but I do ask friends to let me know if their kids are off colour so we can avoid them. Multiple times we turn up at our meeting place to be greeted by a cold or d&v within the last 48 hrs. I'm probably being pfb but given dd was ill enough to be hospitalised and has post viral complications I feel disappointed

GoEasyPudding · 05/04/2015 11:22

My DS had the flu this time last week and we cancelled all Easter plans with other people even when he seemed better by midweek.

Todays Easter meal has been pushed to next weekend as I don't want my parents catching it. A planned playdate for this coming week has also been cancelled as I warned the mum he has been left with a bad cough.

It's only fair you don't knowingly spread a bad virus around. Totally agree with OP.

TwoOddSocks · 05/04/2015 11:28

YANBU, I must be very precious though as I'm always shocked by how little other people care. I text my friend the day I was due to visit her newborn PFB letting her know I wouldn't be bringing my DS (18 months at the time) because he was sick (slight temp, runny nose but happy enough) she was surprised and said we're welcome Germs and all. NO way would I have wanted a snotty toddler anywhere near my tiny little baby.

drinkscabinet · 05/04/2015 12:00

I think it depends on the kids/family. My eldest two are rarely ill and it's only really now they are at school that they are noticably poorly when they have a cold. Vomiting bugs i'd keep them off school but they've not had them often (once or twice each in their lives) and DH and I have never got them from them. I don't worry about sickness much because for them it's not something that happens too often.

On the other hand DS is regularly ill, he'll no doubt be diagnosed as asthmatic when he's older and has been in hospital twice this winter because of complications associated with respiratory infections. But he goes to nursery and has two older siblings, we can't really stop him getting exposed to bugs because no-one ever didn't put their toddler to nursery because of a cold (and I wouldn't expect them to). I understand the annoyance but even with my experiences with DS I'd never not go to visit someone if one of the children had a mild cold (differently if they are feeling poorly themselves) unless it was someone who e.g. had known health issues that meant they would be much more affected than average and frankly, I don't include a healthy three month old with a sibling in that group (the preemie is a different case).

DisappointedOne · 05/04/2015 12:30

It doesn't occur to any of my inlaws to warn us before we travel for 4-5 hours to see them if any of the 5 children there (who visit multiple childcare settings during the week) are ill. Every single time DD will catch something. Selfish twats.

WhereYouLeftIt · 05/04/2015 12:50

"It's not the first time I've had this happen either."
I'm really not having a go at you here, but given that some people don't think to let you know their kids are ill - why don't you call them before you travel and say 'Just checking before I set off, nobody in the household is ill at the moment are they? I'm visiting my frail relative tomorrow and I can't risk being Typhoid Mary ha ha ha.'.

I think you you need to take control of the situation rather than let them be thoughtless and piss you off.

KeturahLee · 05/04/2015 12:58

To be honest in barely registers with me if my 2 have a cold, they seem to spend half the year coughing and snotty. If they had chicken pox or D&V then I'd warn, but I wouldn't keep them off school or nursery for a cold so it wouldn't occur to me to give warnings.

Fizzyplonk · 05/04/2015 13:02

DS was hospitalised with a viral infection at 24 hours old so incubation isn't always 48 hours.