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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wish people would tell you if they have sick children

58 replies

Totality22 · 05/04/2015 10:42

Went to visit a friend on Friday (doesn't live that close so it was a bit of a journey) and upon arrival it quickly became obvious her twins had a cold.

I know I am being a bit precious as it's 'just a cold' but we have had so many fucking illnesses I don't want anymore.

Baby is only 10 weeks old and she has already had a cold.

Anyway, friend doesn't even acknowledge her kids have a streaming cold. I am talking about sneezes and snot and lethargic kids quite unusual in 3yo twins

Baby was asleep in pram for first hour, toddler I couldn't do much about.

When baby woke up I did mention kids being ill and said (very diplomatically) that I wasn't going to put baby to close to them. At this point friend finally said "yeah they seemed to wake up with a cold this morning"

We didn't stay too long, maybe two and half hours....

Baby of course wakes up this morning with a fucking cold.

This has completely scuppered my plans for Easter as we were due to visit relatives for lunch today but one is very old and frail so I am not wanting to pass anything on. Also am meant to be seeing a friend tomorrow who has a premmie so won't be able to do that either.

So annoyed that friend didn't even give me a heads up!

It's not the first time I've had this happen either. I have another friend who bought her 5 year old round when baby was just a week old he was off school with a fucking cold - although she didn't stay and only popped in to drop off a gift and have a peak at baby.

OP posts:

Stillwishihadabs · 05/04/2015 13:11

YABU after Xmas I took ds to visit his cousins 2 hours away. When we arrived we.were told they had all had d&v over the past 3 days and one of the children was vomiting at the table FFS. Of course ds got it and had to have time off school and I had time off work in the first week of term.....totally avoidable grrrr.

Theycallmemellowjello · 05/04/2015 13:21

Hm I think that it's give and take. Yes a few days off for a steaming cold is warranted. But children who get the sniffles a lot can't spend their whole childhoods secluded! And I think it's U to get angry at this.

madreloco · 05/04/2015 13:23

Sick, yes. A cold...get over it.

Tokelau · 05/04/2015 13:36

No YANBU.

When teenage DD was a tiny little newborn, just a few days old, we had problems getting her to feed, and she became dehydrated. The midwife was able to give her a bottle and sorted everything out, but it was very stressful, and I felt very overprotective of my little pfb.

The next day, my friend phoned and said she wanted to come and see DD with her three year old daughter. I tried to put her off, saying that DD hadn't been well, and it would be better in a few days time, but she came anyway.

As she walked in, I noticed that her DD was covered in spots. I asked her if her DD was ill, and she breezily replied that she was fine, she had just come out in a rash all over her body! Obviously her DD (who was lovely) wanted to touch and cuddle my baby, but I just couldn't let her, and I think my friend was a bit miffed that I wasn't sharing the baby around. I think she was quite wrong to come under the circumstances. Some people just seem to be oblivious of causing problems for others.

momtothree · 05/04/2015 13:52

I believe u only get colds once and i helps in the future immune system - thereby any further cold will less of an illness. Couldnt wait to get chicken pox slapped cheek water warts etc done in the early years so kids education wouldnt suffer later. S-D is different but effective hand washing helps.

KeturahLee · 05/04/2015 14:10

Of course you get colds more than once - you don't have one cold and then develop immunity.

momtothree · 05/04/2015 14:23

Colds mutate - u get that mutation u wont be affected by it again, or a milder infection. Like snotty but not ill - you wont catch the same straun twice as u have immunity - more immunity less ill when older. My eldest hasnt had a day off sick - younger one off once with a headache

KeturahLee · 05/04/2015 14:26

Yes, but there are still plenty more mutations - catching colds as a newborn isn't going to mean fewer colds later.

Ketchuphidestheburntbits · 05/04/2015 14:27

Op, YANBU

It's selfishness that stops stupid idiots being considerate enough to keep their germs to themselves. For some people it isn't 'just a cold' or 'a bit of an upset tummy' because it means they will become seriously ill.

momtothree · 05/04/2015 14:28

Of course it does u count the ones they get - how many dont they get?

DrCoconut · 05/04/2015 14:41

My mum has an autoimmune disorder. Her medication reduces her resistance to infection. It is not life threatening for her but a "harmless" cold knocks her out for a couple of months. People possibly think we're precious about illness because although she goes out in public, she actively avoids those known to be ill as it is taking a preventable risk. I had a friend with a DC who was very dangerously ill and could die from a simple infection, people still rocked up at their house with colds and germs. I was always taught that spreading your germs is rude and antisocial.

BlackSwan · 05/04/2015 14:59

And people who send little ones to nursery with illnesses pretending it's just teething... congratulations everyone, you're now infected.

Fairy13 · 05/04/2015 15:12

My DS constantly has a snotty nose. It's usually teething but also side effect of going to nursery. I normally don't even think to warn people! If he had full blown flu or a cold bad enough that it stopped him doing things I would tell people. And I wouldn't even consider taking him round other children if he had d& v!

So... To conclude... A sniffle - YABU. Actual illness, YANBU.

Original poster

Totality22 · 05/04/2015 16:18

To the poster that thinks the onus should be on me to ring people beforehand to make sure they are healthy - are you being serious?

It wouldn't bother me so much if I didn't have such a young baby, I should have made this point earlier I guess.

OP posts:

ihatelego · 05/04/2015 16:23

yanbu i can't stand it when people happily spread colds and illness about! Makes me seething angry!!

ihatelego · 05/04/2015 16:25

*one example recently was a mum on facebook, i think it was just before christmas break she was complaining that the whole family was badly ill with a virus but she was sending her dc to school anyway because of the school performance - i thought how lovely just infect everyone else's household just in time for the christmas hols!!

WhereYouLeftIt · 06/04/2015 13:35

"To the poster that thinks the onus should be on me to ring people beforehand to make sure they are healthy - are you being serious?"

I think that would be me? No, the onus should not be on you - but given that you know that they won't volunteer the information, and that you don't want to pick up any more illnesses, and you had plans that would be scuppered if you had - "we were due to visit relatives for lunch today but one is very old and frail so I am not wanting to pass anything on. Also am meant to be seeing a friend tomorrow who has a premmie so won't be able to do that either" - why would you not? It's on a par with checking there are no roadworks that are going to make you late.

I think you need to put on your big girl pants and pick up the phone before wasting your time travelling to visit the snot-filled, rather than sounding petulant at someone suggesting you be proactive at avoiding infection.

coppertop · 06/04/2015 13:46

I tell people in advance if mine are ill. The downside to this though is that after the third or fourth time in a row, I worry about whether they might think it's just an avoidance tactic.

lithiumfear · 06/04/2015 16:08

Yanbu. Last week we met up with a friend of mine, and her son (who is the exact same age, but attends a different school).

I noticed he had a couple of spots on his neck, and got worried about chickenpox, more so when he mentioned spots on his tummy. His mum shut him up, by telling him off, then saying he was referring to his ezcema .

I dismissed my fears, as no one could possibly deliberately take a poxy child out to meet another, surely?

Two days later she put up photos of him, covered in chickenpox. She wants to meet us tomorrow, I really don't want to.

DD1 has had to have antibiotics after every cold, since she started reception last September. She'd never, ever had an ear infection before that, but now, after every single cold/virus, her ears (one side in particular) ends up infected.

She was sent home a week last Thursday, after vomiting in class. When picking her up the receptionist said if she was alright overnight, she could return the next day (so much for the 48hr rule). As it happens she was sick overnight, and in the early hours, so missed the last day of term.

ProudAS · 06/04/2015 16:32

There is evidence to suggest that exposure to colds etc helps babies to build their immunity and reduces the risk of allergies developing.

She was still wrong to keep quiet though - it's your DC and your call.

sosix · 06/04/2015 16:40

Its a cold.

cricketballs · 06/04/2015 16:49

as sosix said - it's a cold not the plague

MagicMojito · 06/04/2015 17:28

Sorry but IMO yabu.

An actual ILLNESS (think flu, chicken pox, d&v etc)it would absolutely BU not to pre warn you, but a snotty nose? No, not really.

rumbleinthrjungle · 06/04/2015 19:11

Oh ffs. Of course a ten week old baby should be put at risk of catching a cold! It'll be jolly good for it. I'm sure a cold will be a lovely experience the baby will thoroughly enjoy, who'd possibly want a tiny baby to miss out on that? Oh and the new parents, what's a bit more sleep missed trying to comfort a miserable snotty baby? Anyway, why on earth should anyone bother to put themselves out to show any consideration of any kind for how they impact on others? It's not like they're giving the baby something life threatening is it?

Chunkymonkey79 · 06/04/2015 19:17

Pisses me right off, a relative visited us out of the blue yesterday with half an hours notice, with their kid who had been suffering with an aggressive stomach bug all week.
Whyyyyyyyyy?!

They moan every time their kid is ill, but don't mind passing it around because they just fancied getting out of the house

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