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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU - visiting relatives who don't make any effort re veggie food

108 replies

happygonicky · 05/04/2015 05:21

I've been veggie for years and every time I go to SIL's (with partner for 15 years) she makes no kind of effort re any kind of meat-free meal. I'm really easy-going re food, I know people aren't always super-confident with regard to cooking for veggies but I just feel there are so many veggie options out there now. Last time was a particular low: boiled pasta, no sauce (the others had bolognese).

We're due to visit soon and I just can't be bothered (admittedly other issues in the mix). I don't want to spend all day travelling and have a crap meal too. I make a lot of effort when they visit.

DH says he will tell her what I would like to eat, I just don't feel I should need to do that.

OP posts:

Fairy13 · 05/04/2015 14:52

iklboo your friends gf is batshit.

I'm veggie and I hate going to a new persons house for dinner, I hate feeling rude by pointing out that I don't eat meat - when I first went to my ex's parents they made a special effort with tuna pasta bake... Never been so embarrassed having to turn it down.

Having said that, I really do t see that it is so hard to stick a nut cutlet in the oven.

Re: cooking them meat, stop. I think some meat eaters find catering for veggies so hard because they have never eaten a veggie meal. If they see how easy and nice it is, they might find it easier.

CatHammock · 05/04/2015 14:57

iklboo another veggie here - she's so far round the bend she's doing pirouettes.

avocadotoast · 05/04/2015 14:57

Fairy my grandma, bless her, could never get her head round vegetarianism meaning no meat at all (I think it's partly because my sister didn't eat red meat for a while, so she just thought it was the same).

There was a time she served up a plate of mash and veg, which would have been fine...except she put beef gravy all over the top of it. And the time she gave me chicken and potatoes (again with the gravy!). Or the time she suggested just leaving a corner of lasagne without meat so I could have that...

But at least she tried, even if she didn't understand it!

dynevoran · 05/04/2015 15:28

Yes banana and cornchips there is also a vegan pesto made by Sacla which is amazing...made with tofu - I think I prefer it to the vegetarian one.

For what it's worth I'm a pescetarian not a vegetarian but still won't touch anything with gelatine, collagen, animal colourings, rennet etc. I also eat low carb and low fat and yet ended up with an amazing Moroccan veg dish at a friend's house last night. It isn't hard at all.

FryOneFatManic · 05/04/2015 15:29

iklboo I have to say my first thought on hearing about the friend's gf, is that she's trying cut the friend off from his friends, ie your DH and probably others. Either that or she's nuts.

fatlazymummy · 05/04/2015 15:38

My MIL found this difficult as well, mainly because she used to cook her potatoes with the meat. She didn't understand that being vegetarian meant not eating any part of the meat ,or not cooking with lard, or having gravy, eg.
She was quite old though, had grown up in the war and only did very 'basic' recipes. (Don't mean that to sound bitchy or critical). She did make an effort though, she usually made me a cheese salad and I appreciated the extra effort she had made.
I don't really understand why people find it so difficult to cook one extra thing, tbh. If you're having spaghetti bolognaise how hard is it to do some tomato sauce with cheese for the vegetarian? It's just part of being a good host.
I do the reverse nearly every day - cook a meat meal for my kids and a vegetarian version for myself. It isn't hard at all.

textfan · 05/04/2015 15:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fatlazymummy · 05/04/2015 16:55

Linda Mccartney sausages cooked on the barbie surrounded by meat sausages.

DancingHat · 05/04/2015 16:57

A guest of mine last week is lactose intolerant so I looked for lots of cake type things she could have so we all had the same thing. Apart from some chocolate cake and I got her lactose free brownies instead. It's only considerate to cater for guests either so they have everything the same as everyone else or just with a minoradjustment so they feel included as far as possible. It's just lazy otherwise.

ephemeralfairy · 05/04/2015 16:58

YANBU! She is selfish, lazy and rude. I think anyone who claims not to be able to cook nice vegetarian food is not really a very good cook.

I'm a meateater but I am living with my mum at the moment who is veggie, I am doing most of the cooking and I cook a huge variety of vegetarian meals, many of which can be adapted for vegans.

We had 8 to lunch yesterday, some meat eaters, some vegetarian and one vegan and we managed do a three-course meal which was suitable for everyone and was delicious if I do say so myself.

iklboo · 05/04/2015 17:00

That was my first thought Fry. Apparently it's all his non vegan friends. Even the vegetarians. Bit worried for him, to be honest.

Original poster

happygonicky · 05/04/2015 17:00

I was too stunned to say anything. Plus I was toddler wrangling so didn't eat much anyway. Mind you, a relative of hers once served me plain rice when everyone else had chilli. I think it is a mindset.

OP posts:

PeachyPants · 05/04/2015 17:16

It's a cuntish mindset then - I think you're being very generous to them OP. Or maybe stupidity and being inconsiderate is the norm in their family.

antumbra · 05/04/2015 17:16

Take your own food.
Choosing to be a vegetarian is a first world problem.

marshmallowpies · 05/04/2015 17:20

My MIL always cooks something lovely veggie for me but it would never, ever be an entirely meat free meal for the rest of the family as FIL would never eat a meal without meat - never even something that is meat free anyway, like macaroni cheese or margherita pizza. And by the same token we know we could never offer a meat free meal to him at our house, it would have to be meat or fish.

Fairy13 · 05/04/2015 17:45

antumbra, I disagree that it is a first world problem - I actually think in this day and age there is no excuse for partaking in the meat industry when there are so many options to facilitate a balanced diet without it.

Having said that, I would never ever argue with your choice to eat meat.
If a person was unable to eat meat for religious reasons, for example, would you still feel that they should bring their own food?

ouryve · 05/04/2015 17:45

Faced with that mindset, I'd be tempted to indulge in some slightly PA emperor's new clothes style raving about the delicious sauce I'd been served :o

nokidshere · 05/04/2015 17:47

YABU only because you have been going for 15 years and not said anything about it before!

DH is pescatarian, one child wont eat meal because he doesn't like it and the other two of us are fine with whatever. I just cook veggie meals for everyone if we have veggie guests.

Gileswithachainsaw · 05/04/2015 17:49

I think actually a default vege or vegan meal is an easy way out of alot of food requests. covers those who only eat halal or don't like fish or non organic meat. eliminates cross contamination spoon issues or the rare medium well done arguments.

landrover · 05/04/2015 17:57

Well, why can't you eat a "normal meal" for once, it won't kill you, you know?

Gileswithachainsaw · 05/04/2015 18:00

In what way is a vege meal not a normal meal

BikeRunSki · 05/04/2015 18:01

DM does this. I have been veggie for 26 years and DF was veggie too! She lives 6 hours drive away so when we visit,it's for a few days. Of crisp food (everyone else had Lamb chops, I had baked beans and peas; roast dinner, I had a disgusting, v cheap tuna pasta bake and was told just not to eat the tuna; shop bought pizza, but all ham or salami, I had a cheese sandwhich). I can't decide if this is better or worse than my PIL (4 hours away) who won't buy a spare bed, because we are the only people who ever visit... Except I refuse to sleep in the floor anymore, so I don't visit anymore. shame, mil makes a big effort with veg food!

TwoLittleTerrors · 05/04/2015 18:12

I can cook vegetarian as DH was one and still prefers meat free. It's something I'm actually food at 'free from'.

But tbh I agree with PP, at least in his case, it's just fussy eating. The I don't eat this, I don't eat that, it is so similar to my 4yo. Just with different food. It is a PITA when travelling. So many places don't do veggies and barely the menu reveals what is in the food. I remember Paris being a pain.

And it doesn't stop at veggie. It seems half the population now has decided to go gluten free or dairy free too. I'm totally at a lost how to cook gluten free!

flippinada · 05/04/2015 18:16

Being vegetarian is a first world problem? Someone needs to tell India.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 05/04/2015 18:38

Some of the attitudes on here are unbelievable.

What is, 'Normal food' then? Spam and mash?

And being vegetarian is just being fussy???

It's not the bloody 1950s, for goodness sake.

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