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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - visiting relatives who don't make any effort re veggie food

108 replies

happygonicky · 05/04/2015 05:21

I've been veggie for years and every time I go to SIL's (with partner for 15 years) she makes no kind of effort re any kind of meat-free meal. I'm really easy-going re food, I know people aren't always super-confident with regard to cooking for veggies but I just feel there are so many veggie options out there now. Last time was a particular low: boiled pasta, no sauce (the others had bolognese).

We're due to visit soon and I just can't be bothered (admittedly other issues in the mix). I don't want to spend all day travelling and have a crap meal too. I make a lot of effort when they visit.

DH says he will tell her what I would like to eat, I just don't feel I should need to do that.

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 05/04/2015 11:12

It is rude of her, yes your partner should tell her what you like to eat, sometimes you need to spell it out or she will keep,acting the way she is, I don't understand why you have not earlier. It does not matter what everybody else is eating, tgey can continue to eat meat, but tgere should be a veggie option for a vegetarian.

chocolatelife · 05/04/2015 11:16

my sil gave me nothing when everyone else had bacon and eggs Shock

flippinada · 05/04/2015 11:20

YANBU, she's being rude and lazy. I can think of 5 or 6 easy to make veggy meals off the top off my head.

If she doesn't want to cook then why not get a nice vege ready meal - as an example, you can buy fresh pasta and sauce which takes less than ten minutes to make from just about any supermarket.

CheeseandGherkins · 05/04/2015 11:22

Fyi, if you eat non vegetarian cheese, you're not a vegetarian. HTH.

ToadsJustFellFromTheSky · 05/04/2015 11:43

Most cheese is vegetarian, though, at least in the UK it is.

ToadsJustFellFromTheSky · 05/04/2015 11:44

Dowser how can your cousin be a vegetarian if she eats fish Confused?

Andrewofgg · 05/04/2015 11:49

When my veggie niece visits we just go veggie for the occasion. We're not veggies and we enjoy meat but we enjoy family life more.

MsJudgementalPants · 05/04/2015 11:49

She's a dick. Take your own food then totally get in the way preparing it. Jeez, if your making bolognaise how difficult would it be to make a separate sauce at the same time without mince in?

Gileswithachainsaw · 05/04/2015 11:51

No, make something really really delicious that smells amazing and make them.all jealous

TinyMonkey · 05/04/2015 11:51

Yanbu, it's incredibly selfish of her.

My parents are in their eighties, and very much 'meat and two veg' people. However, my mother always ensures my vegetarian partner has something nice to eat whenever we visit, whether it be an experimental veggie dish she's googled or a bought veggie tart or pie to replace the meat element of our meal.

I think your sil has really poor manners.

EveBoswell · 05/04/2015 11:54

I know someone who is vegetarian and if you serve meat and a few vegetables, she's quite happy just to have the vegetables and a sauce of some sort.

Gileswithachainsaw · 05/04/2015 12:01

God a plate of vegetables is miserable.

had years of that as a vege.

really doesn't take much to throw a vege pie or tart or even a burger in the oven.

notinagreatplace · 05/04/2015 12:04

Some vegetarians might just love some veg (though many like the OP are probably just being polite, not genuinely happy) but most do want a proper meal. A good rule of thumb is - would you be happy with it as a meal yourself? If not, it isn't good enough for your vegetarian guests

FryOneFatManic · 05/04/2015 12:07

I would guess that many of the veggies who say they are happy with just the veg are probably used to years of people not bothering.

Gileswithachainsaw · 05/04/2015 12:12

Yes.

We then go home secretly starving wondering why a microwave vege lasagne was to much effort

BananaDrama34 · 05/04/2015 12:13

BaronessEllaSaturday - thank you!! Smile

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 05/04/2015 12:15

My mil never really understood the veggie thing, but she always tried. Often it would mean all of the vege from a Sunday dinner, with an onion bhaji and a samosa on the side (!!!) but I never went hungry or had to eat plain pasta.

TBh though, if I was going to somewhere that had form for being crap, I'd take something with me and invite myself into the kitchen to shove it in the oven.

expatinscotland · 05/04/2015 12:21

She's rude. It's not hard to cook for vegetarians. Take your own meal next time. Something to pop in the microwave.

GiddyOnZackHunt · 05/04/2015 12:39

A jar of tomato sauce to go with the pasta would have cost very little and taken seconds in the microwave.
She's either being rude of making a point.
And my absolute favourite bit of roast dinner is roast potatoes (cooked in veg oil). Them with veggy gravy would keep me happy.

Original poster
happygonicky · 05/04/2015 12:57

Re the vegetarian cheese, I mean I don't quibble re the cheese people put in dishes when I'm out. I try to balance my beliefs with not being too difficult to please, which is why this last meal really did make me cross. It's never been this bad before, often MIL & FIL cook and they make a superb effort, sometimes we go out. Plus she had two little children when we first met so I felt she had a lot on her plate at that point. She definitely has the time and money to make more effort. I think it is a mindset thing. She is very pleasant in other ways.

OP posts:
ItsADinosaur · 05/04/2015 14:00

I'd say you're a pretty lousy cook if you can't cater for a vegetarian.

ActingBusy · 05/04/2015 14:04

veggie or not, giving someone a meal of a plate of boiled pasta with no sauce is just fucking rude and inhospitable. did yout or your DH not say anything to her?

ItsADinosaur · 05/04/2015 14:06

If you couldn't be arsed to cater for someone why on earth would you invite them round for dinner?

CornChips · 05/04/2015 14:31

I was about to come on to say that Sacla do vegetarian pesto... and a vegan version also, but was beaten to it. :)

iklboo · 05/04/2015 14:37

We're all omnivores but I'm happy to cater for veggies / vegans. I just ask what they like & find / make up a recipe around that for us all to eat. I have a few pans we never cook meat or meat products in so I can use them when they come round.

But DH has a vegan friend whose new girlfriend has banned him from visiting us though because we're omnis and have an 'unclean' house which is sad. She sent DH a text yesterday telling him friend won't be coming round anymore.

And I KNOW most vegans aren't like her.