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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - visiting relatives who don't make any effort re veggie food

108 replies

happygonicky · 05/04/2015 05:21

I've been veggie for years and every time I go to SIL's (with partner for 15 years) she makes no kind of effort re any kind of meat-free meal. I'm really easy-going re food, I know people aren't always super-confident with regard to cooking for veggies but I just feel there are so many veggie options out there now. Last time was a particular low: boiled pasta, no sauce (the others had bolognese).

We're due to visit soon and I just can't be bothered (admittedly other issues in the mix). I don't want to spend all day travelling and have a crap meal too. I make a lot of effort when they visit.

DH says he will tell her what I would like to eat, I just don't feel I should need to do that.

OP posts:
PeachyPants · 05/04/2015 09:49

She's behaving like a twat, you shouldn't have to tell her but clearly you do or face years of festering resentment and plain pasta.

Laureline · 05/04/2015 09:49

It's very rude. I would have a vegetarian guest coming, I would go out of my way to make nice veggie lunch/dinner - we can all have a meat-free day, it's good for us too!

ElizabethHoover · 05/04/2015 09:51

tbh for me Vegggies = a right pain in the arse.

REALLY annoys me when catering

ElizabethHoover · 05/04/2015 09:52

do you cook meat for them?

throws in and runs

PeachyPants · 05/04/2015 09:56

She's already said she does ElizabethHoover though I don't think she should feel she has to. I don't know why you'd find catering for veggies a pain in the arse but even if you do feel like that would you serve them plain pasta?

tabulahrasa · 05/04/2015 09:56

Elizabeth - she's already said she cooks meat for them.

Plain pasta is just rude, all you need is one extra pan to cook the same sauce without meat...it's not like it's hard.

ahbollocks · 05/04/2015 09:57

Is she french? [Grin]

ElizabethHoover · 05/04/2015 09:59

its the endless thinking ' oh we cant have that because..'
Its like catering for a fussy eater.

and the ' oh i cant eat that', well you actually CAN, you just choose not to

goodnessgraciousgouda · 05/04/2015 10:00

Just bring your own meal every time you visit, something in tuppleware.

If it puts her nose out of joint, then be sickenly nice about it and just say "sorry, but having to eat a plate of absolutely plain pasta was the tipping point for me! I understand that some people struggle to come up with vegetarian ideas, so I thought I'd save you the hassle".

Stop cooking them meat when they come to visit as well.

Don't get DH to "tell her" what you want. That's just rude! "hello, I want to eat X please, thank you so much". It's not a restaurant that you can order ahead at!!

howabout · 05/04/2015 10:01

It depends. If you are 2 couples then I would cook veggie but from long experience only if it were not the sort of veggie who would question the sourcing of all my ingredients and the nutritional content of everything. If you are the only veggie among 2 families then that means 7ish people changing their food to accommodate you - even more of a pain if the hostess has young fussy children. In that case I would buy the veggie an M&S ready meal and in that case you may as well bring it yourself and be sure you like it. No need to take it personally that someone cannot cook veggie. I have plenty friends who cannot cook full stop!

YouTheCat · 05/04/2015 10:01

Wtf? How is it so much bother to chuck in a jacket potato or get some veggie sauce in to go with pasta?

I'm not a veggie but I can't see that it's a bother to make that small amount of effort. It's very rude not to.

PeachyPants · 05/04/2015 10:07

Yes I can eat meat I choose not to because I think the meat industry causes untold suffering to sentient beings. Does catering for veggies really cause you 'endless thinking'? Seriously buy a pizza, it's not that hard. If people are guests in your home this is the least you can do, if you can't even be arsed to do that then why are you having them round?

cosytoaster · 05/04/2015 10:08

Reciprocate - next time they visit you give them plain boiled pasta and have yours with a lovely veggie sauce.

BananaDrama34 · 05/04/2015 10:15

OP, YANBU but I am amazed at the number of people who struggle with what a vegetarian eats. Your SIL sounds like she just can't be bothered as it's not hard to pick up a veggie ready meal.
To those who mentioned pesto, have you found a vegetarian one in a jar as I never have & I love it! Please let me know who makes it (PFB is very demanding/ breastfeeding so any quick meals are a bonus). Grin

Original poster
happygonicky · 05/04/2015 10:27

M&S ready meal would be fine, really wouldn't mind. Re 'telling' her does sound rude, we'd be a bit more polite than that. Not fussy at all re veggie cheese etc.

OP posts:
howabout · 05/04/2015 10:32

In that case YANBU

BaronessEllaSaturday · 05/04/2015 10:43

BananaDrama34 Sacla do a basil pesto that is vegetarian, it is the organic one not the regular one.

Catering for a vegetarian for a one off meal is easy, I would normally do some sort of tart so op YANBU

Dowser · 05/04/2015 10:46

My cousin is vegetarian. She eats an egg and cheese salad when ours has ham on it.

Fish and chips when she's out.

Veg soups.

When we go to a carvery she has a plate piled high with veg. We rarely eat potato but I notice when she makes a meat free meal there's often three types of potato on it.

SweetAndFullOfGrace · 05/04/2015 10:46

I thought all pesto was vegetarian? What's in it? Or do you mean vegan without the cheese?

PeachyPants · 05/04/2015 10:48

Most pesto contains parmesan which frequently contains animal rennet, if in doubt look for the vegetarian society mark.

SweetAndFullOfGrace · 05/04/2015 10:54

Ah! Thanks.

Gileswithachainsaw · 05/04/2015 10:58

I dint understand why she can't make a vege meal for everyone. no one needs meat every meal

it's rude

natwebb79 · 05/04/2015 11:02

Bloody hell, if I can cater for my vegan coeliac MIL I'm sure she can make the effort!

FryOneFatManic · 05/04/2015 11:03

ElizabethHoover Cooking vegetarian meals is actually easy, there are plenty of tasty recipes available. I don't believe vegetarian = fussy at all.

We eat meat, but I do some vegetarian meals to vary things. Even my meat-and-two-veg DP likes these meals.

avocadotoast · 05/04/2015 11:06

She sounds like a dick. I'd take my own food if I were you.

I know it's different but when I was vegan I always used to offer to take food. I have a relative who would be all "oh no, it's fine, don't worry" and then openly complain about how difficult it was to find vegan food (for a buffet Hmm). My dad pretty much told her where to go, she was really rude about it.