Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

...To Feel Upset by My God-Pusher Neighbour...

88 replies

FranglaisMaman · 04/04/2015 23:41

My NDN called round earlier to ask me to keep an eye on her house while they're away on hols, she also brought a toy that she had made for my DD as an Easter present/thank you for looking after the house. Very kind.

Anyway, she has launched into religious monologues in the past when we've been alone, spouting Gospel at me, so I know she is a Christian, believes the bible etc. I'm not a believer so I always just maintained a polite "smile and nod" respectful stance and hoped she would change the subject even though I found it a bit unnerving. Anyway tonight she started talking about how the bible is gospel and how we are all sinners and Jesus died for our sins etc, I said "...is what you believe yes, I however do not". She then said "oh no, not what I believe, it is GOSPEL, it is fact, it's in the bible". I said "Ok but for me I feel the bible is just hearsay evidence" etc and explained I am an agnostic/atheist and can we please just agree to disagree and leave it there. I probably shouldn't have got into a discussion about it but I am quite an open-minded person and was happy to hear her out and then tell her I'm sorry but I just don't believe it. I'm just cynical of how she/Christians claim that all bad that is done in the world is done by Satan and all the good is done by God. I said it's very convenient. I wasn't being obnoxious or inflammatory, just telling her where I stand, but she keeps lecturing and lecturing me with her spiel. She told me you're either a sheep or a goat, and you don't want to follow the idiot goats, you need to be one of God's sheep.

The cheap shot was this, she said: "Well if this little one (pointing at my DD who was clawing at her for a cuddle) got knocked down and killed on that road out there tomorrow, it wouldn't matter then, because you're not a believer". I can't remember the exact words now. I said "I would think its a pretty cruel God to take my precious daughter away from me". She then backed down and said my DCs will have a place in heaven anyway because they are innocents in God's eyes and will rise again with God and the believers but I will be damned and be separated from my children because I have not accepted God into my life. She was getting quite heated by the end and was in my face, pointing etc, it was getting to the point where I was going to have to ask her leave.

I found the whole thing very upsetting and was shaking after she left, as I felt very victimised. My DH works away and I am home alone with a 4 month old and a 22 month old, I'm too shattered to know what day it is let alone have the answers for a theological debate :-)

I cried about it after she left, foolishly perhaps, maybe the bit about my DD dying touched a nerve, or maybe someone telling you you're hell-bound is just upsetting in itself. The whole thing was so awkward I'm dreading facing her again! I feel like I don't want to accept any of her cards/gifts for my DCs in future because she has undone all of her kindness by being so aggressive about her religious views, I don't want to encourage her into our lives.

AIBU to feel upset about her coming into my home and trying to force her religious beliefs down my throat and convert me, especially while I'm alone here and vulnerable?

OP posts:

Original poster

FranglaisMaman · 05/04/2015 01:47

Sanctimonious? Yeah, very

OP posts:

PeppermintCrayon · 05/04/2015 01:57

No, God knocks on your heart constantly from the day you're born and if you reject him enough times eventually he will leave and thats it, no second chances...".

What a load of bollocks - if she wants to be a Christian she needs to re read her own blinking bible.

We aren't all like this, OP.

nooka · 05/04/2015 02:19

I'm an atheist with a religious family and the only way to manage it is to shut down any conversations that go anywhere near god related subjects because with opposing views there really isn't any way to avoid hurt.

If you want to remain friendly, and I can see why that might be the case with your neighbour then you need to have a set of very neutral responses ready to avoid this type of conversation in the future. Otherwise I think she will see you as a conversion opportunity and she may be very persistent.

Probably best to stonewall with something along the lines of 'I don't want to talk about that' every time she starts down that path and avoid engaging at all, even the standard 'agree to disagree' is ineffective with someone who wants to evangelise because she may feel it is her role as an evangelist to make you agree. 'I understand you feel that way' and a quick redirect to another topic with no volunteering of your own opinion can be quite effective too. She isn't interested in your opinion/beliefs so don't volunteer them.

LilQueenie · 05/04/2015 02:43

Think I would have started chanting something dark and eerie at her just for the hell of it. You could have asked her why she was celebrating what is essentially a pagan practice ie easter/ostara. plenty pagan practices have evolved into "christian" ones. I find this is either denied by people like your neighbour or generally unknown by others in the majority of cases. I mean no offence to anyones beliefs when I say this are there not a number of different bibles and some have been updated and changed throughout the years. Its hardly gospel/fact if it is not the original. Therefore I cant understand how anyone can claim it is fact.

ScathingContempt · 05/04/2015 05:56

She sounds a bit nuts to be honest. I think you're within your rights to be insultingly anti-theist to her, given that she's insulting to you. I'd be tempted to fuck with her and pretend to be a Satan-worshipper and pretend to cast dark spells on her!

More diplomatically, I suppose you could tell her that you find her forcing her beliefs on you very disrespectful and that if you are to keep talking to her, you want to agree to keep religion and spiritual beliefs out of the conversation. But I'm not sure she could, by the sounds of it.

I can't stand religious types like this. I know most religious people aren't like this, but these types are awful and if there is a god, I can't imagine him/her/it being too happy with them anyway. If I was god, I'd be at the pearly gates myself when they turned up, going 'what the fuck were you playing at?! Didn't you read my instructions?'.

QOD · 05/04/2015 06:21

My sil is this sort of evangelical nutjob Christian
she's also the most selfish and lazy person I know
she claims to have ME but we reckon she has me me me
she's a rotten mother, 2 of her 3 children are utterly destroyed mentally by her emotional neglect but god & the pastor love her so it's ok.
keep away from the scary neighbour!
So sorry she upset you like that.
My sil told me Dd won't go to heaven then corrected herself and said she would as she's a child (un christened). I said so what happens the day after her 18th? Or is it 16th as you know, different ages in thé uk that they become "adult" - I now refuse to discuss

HagOtheNorth · 05/04/2015 06:31

Just stop having any sort of conversation with her.
She's alone. Probably none loves her or talks to her but God, because she's such a vile, evangelical bigot. She has no church community to help release the toxins. Just you.
So stop her, before your children are old enough to understand and get scared. Before they hear the twisted message she's spewing out and start to wonder if she's got something, if she's right.
She's a nasty woman, you need to ignore or adopt the mocking of dealing with obsession forced on others.

CheerfulYank · 05/04/2015 06:45

Good God A'mighty! (Literally)

What a vile woman! I'm religious and wouldn't dream of acting like that and nor would anyone I know.

Poor you. It's such a shock when someone goes off at you. Hope you're feeling a bit better now.

stormtreader · 07/04/2015 14:45

Tell her that by being so pushy about it, she is making you less and less interested in being Christian, and that means she is doing the Devils work for him.

JustJanice · 07/04/2015 14:54

Tell her to fuck off. You owe her NO courtesy. Unfortunately, if someone who tends towards bossiness gets religion they often latch onto it as an excuse to tell others how to live their lives. It's dressed up as concern but really it's for their benefit. Nobody else's.

Rehearse in the mirror if it helps. "Please go away. I find you and your beliefs disturbing and rude. Please don't ever speak to me again".

Sorry it's all upset you x

KurriKurri · 07/04/2015 15:09

She sounds pretty intimidating and unpleasant. If it were me I would put a sign on your door saying 'not at home to religious fanatics' ... but I sense you want to avoid conflict with her, so I would as politely as possible say 'I'm sorry but I really don't want to discuss religion with you at all, I have my beliefs and you have yours. I am finding you intimidating and over forceful.'

That leaves the option open to you that every time she starts on the religion you just say 'I'm sorry, I've dsaid I don;t want to discuss this, you'll have to go now' Until she learns to back off or stay away.

I feel very sorry for you she sounds completely frightful and you don;t want her ranting on in front of your little ones. Hope you can manage to get her to leave you alone

FenellaFellorick · 07/04/2015 15:15

Stop engaging with her. Nothing you say is going to make her accept your right to a different view and you are only allowing opportunities for her to upset you.

loveareadingthanks · 07/04/2015 15:51

Oh dear, once these people get on your case, it's awfully hard to put them off politely. I know loads of Christians but have only come across a handful of these. Explaining your views, asking them to stop, being nice, it doesn't work.

I would suggest you grab the bull by the horns if she starts again - and she will, she's told you she will. State - you may believe it's your job to talk to me about God, but it's not my job to listen. I do not wish to discuss this with you, ever. If you continue, you will have to leave.' And change the subject. And if she does continue that time, or bring it up again another time, tell her 'I've told you I'm not discussing this with you and that you would have to leave if you bring it up again. So I guess it's time for you to go now, bye' Stand up, open door, stand there expectantly for as long as it takes just repeating 'It's time for you to go now, bye' to everything she says.

RedToothBrush · 07/04/2015 15:59

You know that lots of people are indoctrinated by dubious methods that involve bullying, emotional blackmail, emotional abuse and other firebrand fire and brimstone shit don't you?

The people that do it are not Christian, Muslim or (insert religion here). They are nasty unreligious deluded manipulators.

To be religious and righteous you have to respect other people. Not try and coerce them into following the 'right way'.

TooManyMochas · 07/04/2015 16:00

I would give her a second chance before going NC, but I would be very very firm and direct with her. One thing that might get through to her is to point out how counter-productive her 'techniques' are. All she's done is alienate you.

For what its worth, I've also met pushy socialists, pushy atheists and pushy enviromentalists. Some people are just like that

CalamityPain · 07/04/2015 16:03

My friend has just discovered God. She's said some pretty hurtful things to me. I've just cut her off.

fulltothebrim · 07/04/2015 16:05

You could have a little fun with a nut case like that.

Leave a partly burned black candle on her doorstep, tied aroud with cord. Or draw a pretty little pentagram on some parchment and pop it though her letterbox.

These types are usually on the alert for Satan.

MyArksNotReady · 07/04/2015 16:29

This Lady may have undiagnosed ASD with God being her subject of interest.

I have a friend who had a breakdown and got a bipolar diagnosis. In the lead up she was very OTT with the bible.

I would give this Lady a wide berth. You are vulnerable at the moment and not helping each other.

I agree with others say you are not talking religion again.

TiredButFine · 07/04/2015 16:56

She sounds like she is unable to understand the upset and distress she is causing you- possibly a sign of an underlying problem.
Adjust your "politeness" barometer, she isn't polite to you. Don't antagonise her as it's another form of engaging, practice a few stock phrases to help you deal with her "yes you've told me this before" or " yes I understand you love Jesus" swiftly followed by "great seeing you, must be off now, don't let me keep you!"

fulltothebrim · 07/04/2015 17:10

Not neccessarily a problem- perhaps just very religious. My family are all religious nuts. I have caught my sister trying to cast demons out of my house and exorcise my children.

VexiLexi303 · 07/04/2015 19:07

Oh Frang that kind of behaviour makes my blood boil! I understand having beliefs and being passionate about them, that's great! But it's a step too far to try to convert someone who obviously has no interest and then to have the cheek to bring in your DD in such a way! It's like trying to bring those 'goats' to the Lord by means of fear....very old testament and horrible mentality!

YADNBU! If that would have been me I'd have told her to leave and not come back if she's going to continue tryig to covert you. To be honest using my child as an example would have been a deal breaker for me, especially an example like that.

for you and hugs!

frog51 · 07/04/2015 19:34

Tell her to Feck Orf. You will feel so much better for it. You don't need this in your life and she won't listen to reason. Seriously, don't put up with it. For all you know, there may be many before you, who have been on the end of her sermons and done just the same.

maliaki · 07/04/2015 19:34

YANBU OP. She sounds unpleasant. Distance yourself from her and don't engage.

HazleNutt · 07/04/2015 19:49

what a horrible woman!

If she comes back, promise to read her Bible if she reads yours, and give her The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins.

knackered69 · 07/04/2015 20:02

I should send my atheist 17 yr old ds1 round - he'd soon send her packing - arguing with ds1 is like arguing with Jeremy paxman on a grudge match. He got an A* for religious studies - purely because he wanted to learn what he was up against! It's funny because I'm an agnostic but with Christian leanings - he respects that - but he hates people being hounded... Hope you are ok op - it would have shaken me up too x

Flip

1 2 3 4