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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

...To Feel Upset by My God-Pusher Neighbour...

88 replies

FranglaisMaman · 04/04/2015 23:41

My NDN called round earlier to ask me to keep an eye on her house while they're away on hols, she also brought a toy that she had made for my DD as an Easter present/thank you for looking after the house. Very kind.

Anyway, she has launched into religious monologues in the past when we've been alone, spouting Gospel at me, so I know she is a Christian, believes the bible etc. I'm not a believer so I always just maintained a polite "smile and nod" respectful stance and hoped she would change the subject even though I found it a bit unnerving. Anyway tonight she started talking about how the bible is gospel and how we are all sinners and Jesus died for our sins etc, I said "...is what you believe yes, I however do not". She then said "oh no, not what I believe, it is GOSPEL, it is fact, it's in the bible". I said "Ok but for me I feel the bible is just hearsay evidence" etc and explained I am an agnostic/atheist and can we please just agree to disagree and leave it there. I probably shouldn't have got into a discussion about it but I am quite an open-minded person and was happy to hear her out and then tell her I'm sorry but I just don't believe it. I'm just cynical of how she/Christians claim that all bad that is done in the world is done by Satan and all the good is done by God. I said it's very convenient. I wasn't being obnoxious or inflammatory, just telling her where I stand, but she keeps lecturing and lecturing me with her spiel. She told me you're either a sheep or a goat, and you don't want to follow the idiot goats, you need to be one of God's sheep.

The cheap shot was this, she said: "Well if this little one (pointing at my DD who was clawing at her for a cuddle) got knocked down and killed on that road out there tomorrow, it wouldn't matter then, because you're not a believer". I can't remember the exact words now. I said "I would think its a pretty cruel God to take my precious daughter away from me". She then backed down and said my DCs will have a place in heaven anyway because they are innocents in God's eyes and will rise again with God and the believers but I will be damned and be separated from my children because I have not accepted God into my life. She was getting quite heated by the end and was in my face, pointing etc, it was getting to the point where I was going to have to ask her leave.

I found the whole thing very upsetting and was shaking after she left, as I felt very victimised. My DH works away and I am home alone with a 4 month old and a 22 month old, I'm too shattered to know what day it is let alone have the answers for a theological debate :-)

I cried about it after she left, foolishly perhaps, maybe the bit about my DD dying touched a nerve, or maybe someone telling you you're hell-bound is just upsetting in itself. The whole thing was so awkward I'm dreading facing her again! I feel like I don't want to accept any of her cards/gifts for my DCs in future because she has undone all of her kindness by being so aggressive about her religious views, I don't want to encourage her into our lives.

AIBU to feel upset about her coming into my home and trying to force her religious beliefs down my throat and convert me, especially while I'm alone here and vulnerable?

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DrElizabethPlimpton · 05/04/2015 00:08

I wouldn't engage with her again. When she is next at the door either don't open it or tell her you don't have time for her nonsense and shut the door.

She sounds very unpleasant and is getting her jollies hectoring a woman with a lot on her plate. What a bitch.

FranglaisMaman · 05/04/2015 00:10

Earthymama - please feel free to come round and confront her! I have a friend from uni who is Pagan/Wiccan too.

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wreckingball · 05/04/2015 00:12

Lawks a mercy, her third husband, is she the Black Widow? Grin

IfYouWereARiverIdLearnToFloat · 05/04/2015 00:12

My uncle has become very preachy & blinkered after finding God again in his 50s. I've stopped debating theology with him as he's become so narrow minded and actually quite hateful. I just completely refuse to enter into conversation with him about anything religious & I've told him I respect his beliefs & his right to have them & it would be very Christian of him to respect mine. Your neighbour needs to do the same. YANBU - I'd keep her at arms length.

MelonBallersAreStrange · 05/04/2015 00:18

Make sure you have the Satanist Thought For The Day playing in the background when she comes round. It is on XFM's morning show (Jon Holmes). Very funny.

Or don't open the door to her.

FranglaisMaman · 05/04/2015 00:25

Round 2 was....
She came back under the ruse of asking me if the dogs had been nuisance barking while she popped out (after round 1). I was friendly and acted like the whole thing hadn't happened and she started off on one again, I put forward my side (Why do I do this to myself?!) and she hers, and I said well I'm sorry but I'm cynical/skeptical and nothing you say can convert me! She said "Oh I know that, 'Trust not the Word of Man', you need to read the bible and find out for yourself. Read the bible and if you want any help with understanding it all I am here for you". She asked what I believe if I don't believe you're accountable to God at the end of it all. I said "I think you should live your life to be a good person and that's about having morals and ethics regardless of belief in any God". She said "Why on earth would you do that if you don't believe you're answerable for it all?" I said "Because I'm answerable to my own conscience". She said we don't have a reliable conscience, blah blah

Anyway, convo went on and she said everyone in life will come to a crossroads and at that crossroads you decide you're either with Him or you're not". I said Christian friend told me of someone who was non-believer their whole life and found religion on their deathbed after speaking to Christian friend's vicar hubby (they do a lot of lovely work in the community). I said "Hey I'll just not believe my whole life and then believe on my deathbed and all will be well, as God is all forgiving". She said "No, God knocks on your heart constantly from the day you're born and if you reject him enough times eventually he will leave and thats it, no second chances...".

She said she's sorry if this means she comes across as a God-pusher but it is her job to spread God's word. I said TBH yes you do come across as a God-pusher and it's full on, she said that's fine and she won't stop as it's her duty. I told her I thought Satan was a convenient scapegoat, she then was in my face scowling and said "No not scapegoat, A GOAT! A dirty low-down goat" blah blah blah getting shirty. Not sure how the subject of DD being killed came up but I told her what she had said was very hurtful and distressing to me and very embarrassingly I started to cry in front of her". She denied she had said it. She said that I SAID IT to HER and that she provided an answer in saying DD would go to Heaven as an innocent :-/ She said "What I'm telling you is good news, why would you find that distressing, thats just bizarre to find it so upsetting, its good news". She left after giving me a hug and said "But anyway, yeah, read the bible, see ya babe". OMG I need vodka....

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LaurieFairyCake · 05/04/2015 00:29

Well she sounds mad as a chicken

But what were you doing arguing with her and then feeling 'victimised' afterwards Hmm - try ignoring her and saying you're not interested, don't let her witter on and keep arguing with her

FranglaisMaman · 05/04/2015 00:31

Anyway, afterwards, I felt so embarrassed about being weak and crying in front of her that I sent her this email:

"Hey, ignore me being all tearful and silly, think I'm just having a hormonal week (and feeling rotten with this cold) I cry at the moment if there's no milk for my morning coffee! ... And think we'll just have to agree to disagree on this one Winking face. Ps DD loves her prezzy."

Bit arse-kissy/pathetic of me maybe, but I live alone a lot of the time and we are NDNs with a shared driveway and I bump into them a lot when I'm going out/coming home and so don't want any animosity/awkwardness. But fuck it, she created the awkwardness I suppose!

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FranglaisMaman · 05/04/2015 00:33

I know Laurie, it was a bit daft getting into it, but I wasn't "arguing" with her, she was brow-beating me and that was just my response to all of the stuff she was spouting at me and quizzing me about. But you're right, I should've just said "Sorry, not interested, nighty night"!

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BonzoDooDah · 05/04/2015 00:33

What a bitch. Do NOT engage with her any more. she doesn't deserve it - she has no right to your view on anything and she's upsetting you. Like we've ALL said just do not engage with her. Tell her she is being rude, unpleasant, unChristian Ann is NOT welcome back. Be strong and avoid her... oh and tell her to mind her own fecking house the cheeky two faced cow.

djrmrcbhyvf · 05/04/2015 00:40

Hate how some Christians are so parsimonious and see it as a charter to behave badly. My brother got God badly a few years ago and witters on about it but when it comes to acting as a Christian to his sick mother he is nowhere to be seen. Also yelled at my 9yr old dd when she told him her scientific 'truth' about the wise men from her perspective. Needless to say we don't see him any more Wink

fatlazymummy · 05/04/2015 00:40

Why do you keep engaging with her?
Just tell her you are not going to discuss religion with her again. She might feel it's her duty to spread the word, that doesn't mean you're obliged to listen.
It's like when jehovas witnesses knock on the door. I just say 'no thankyou' and close the door. There's no need to discuss or argue anything when you're on your own time.

dominogocatgo · 05/04/2015 00:50

Tell her that her god sounds a right twat, and that Satan is the one true Lord and is much more fun to be mates with.

Glastokitty · 05/04/2015 00:52

Just tell her to fuck off. She's a total nutter, seriously, I'd start wearing an upside down cross or something just to piss her off.

FranglaisMaman · 05/04/2015 00:59

Haha thanks guys, these replies are all either making me LOL, giving me some perspective, advice or helping me brush it off! Must say I'm also annoyed that she thinks "young frazzled mum who is too polite to say feck off = easy target" Angry She reeled me in by being neighbourly and nice for so long but now I'm very wary of her, understandably... Whatever hope she had of converting me she's defo blown it now!

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Salmotrutta · 05/04/2015 01:02

I don't have my neighbours e-mail addresses and although I am polite and civil I tend to not get overly involved.

I just happen to live next door to them. I am happy to collect parcels, cast a weather eye out when they are away but beyond the social niceties I don't want to get too involved with someone I have to live in close proximity to.

Works for me.

Salmotrutta · 05/04/2015 01:04

That wasn't entirely clear...

I meant "Why would you have your neighbours e-mail address?"

We have an emergency contact for one of our elderly neighbour's but only because he is elderly and his DC live a wee bit away.

wreckingball · 05/04/2015 01:09

djrmrcbhyvf, some Christians are tight fisted?

FranglaisMaman · 05/04/2015 01:09

The neighbours at this part of the village all have each other's email addresses as we were liaising with each other/the Council about some issues we've had here recently and also because she was doing some ancestry work for my FIL and asked for my email. She's always been friendly and familiar and has dropped round at Christmas or when the DCs were born with cards/a present, so we've always felt obliged to be quite friendly back to them as we thought they were just being nice. In hindsight, yes probably best to keep distance from all the neighbours, but the sense of community here is one of the things we loved about the place.

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SmillasSenseOfSnow · 05/04/2015 01:12

She sounds like an insecure, projecting nutjob but I can't believe you sent her an apologetic email. This woman is walking all over you, shut her out. She has no business behaving like this to you, stop letting her.

Salmotrutta · 05/04/2015 01:16

You can have a sense of community without being overly invested.

My parents and grandparents always said "Be polite and civil to neighbours but don't be popping in and out of their houses".

Living next door to people doesn't necessarily mean they are going to be your best friends.

taxi4ballet · 05/04/2015 01:16

Good grief - what denomination is she?

I was baptised Anglican and I'm married to an atheist (don't go to church, although sometimes go to the local Methodist one with friends). I know a lot of Catholics and Baptists too - it's a small town - and I can't recall anyone I know ever behaving like this misguided woman.

There's no excuse for this bullying behaviour.

FranglaisMaman · 05/04/2015 01:22

She's not of any denomination because she says "that's religion and religion is rubbish, I don't go in for all that". She doesn't belong to any church, she just reads the Bible and spreads the word of God...

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SolidGoldBrass · 05/04/2015 01:29

Look, she's a deluded, thick bully but you are engaging with her more than you need to. You don't need to apologise to her for not sharing her delusions. While it's important to respect other people's right to believe that doesn't mean you have to take whatever crap they believe in seriously.
If you have any more dealings with her, just say 'We're not going to agree on this so let's drop it.' If she carries on talking rubbish about her imaginary friend, stop the conversation; ask her to leave your house if necessary.
It's perfectly possible to be on amicable, neighbourly terms with people who have opinions you disagree with, at least up to a certain point (eg if a neighbour is aggressively racist and you or your family members are of a different racial group then it would be fine to be Not Friends At ALl with such a person and indeed to involve solicitors and police if necessary). This neighbour may well have crossed a line: if she won't agree to keep her silly superstitions to herself then you will probably need to pull waaaay back and minimize contact with her.

djrmrcbhyvf · 05/04/2015 01:35

Wrong word - I meant think they are better than everyone else just because they ARE Christian (what is the correct word? )