AIBU worried about scan?

[rosy189]

Ladies,

I know lots of women worry about the 12 week scan, but I think I've taken it too far. I do suffer from a bit of anxiety- particularly around medical tests, but I seem to be getting so depressed about my 12 week scan next week.

This is my first pregnancy, very much wanted and planned, hubby is over the moon. But I just keep thinking about how we have never heard our baby's heartbeat, I dont know if the baby is ok or even in there, I feel so down because I'm not enjoying the build up to the scan, everyone keeps telling me how amazing it is and all I can think of are the things that could go wrong. :(

I feel so lucky to even make it to 12 weeks, I was sure something would happen before this milestone, AIBU to just want to hide away!

It can be worrying when you think that it will be your first glimpse of baby & how things have progressed so far.. But with the best will in the world, worrying will not change the outcome (which is more than likely going to be positive!)

If you feel your anxiety worsening contact your midwife to discuss it..
Best of luck!

No YANBU. Anxiety sucks. Maybe you can try and talk through your worries so they don't build up but your feelings are totally valid. I remember having to be monitored a lot towards the end of my pregnancy and I hated having to listen to the sound of the baby's heart on the CTG for 30 minutes despite everyone gushing about how magical it was. I was just permanently anxious about whether it was too slow, why there wasn't more variation blah blah blah.

I spent most of my pregnancy in a state of perpetual anxiety and it was a miserable existence especially when I kept moving the goal posts. As Winter has said worrying achieves nothing. Do you think there may be a reason why you are so concerned with this pregnancy?

I started a thread a few weeks ago about my dd, asking if the amount of anxiety she was experiencing was usual. It's her first pregnancy and literally everything worries her. Almost every day she texts me for re-assurance, opinions and to help her calm down. Even after the 12 weeks scan she didn't really want to tell anyone and said she would have been happier keeping it to herself. She did have a fair bit of spotting in the first 9 weeks which understandably put her on red-alert but scans so far have been fine.

She's 16 weeks today and up to now has been just a bundle of anxiety - is the baby ok, is it growing, feeling sick and then not feeling sick upset her, eating stuff she thinks might harm the baby is a worry etc. Every twinge and ache is a worry.

I think, especially with a first pregnancy you have nothing to compare symptoms and feelings to. Your hormones are all over the place which doesn't help. Plus, the amount of information available on line is boggling. i just had 'The Penguin Book Of Pregnancy' to go by but now you can google every little niggle and scare yourself to bits.

Unless your anxiety is really getting out of hand, from what other MNers said on my thread, being worried and anxious, especially in the first trimester, is not at all unusual. You can't hear the baby's heartbeat I don't think at this stage but they can see it beating on the scan at 12 weeks. i really hope your scan gives you the reassurance you need and that you (and my dd) can start to relax a bit soon.

Obviously I don't mean that it's unlikely something will be wrong just that your anxiety isn't uncommon!

Its perfectly normal, but try not to use too much energy on it. If something is wrong then you will deal with it. It really is a case of crossing bridges when you come to them.

ggrrrr can't type, what U meant to say was while it's unlikely everything is fine feeling anxious isn't uncommon and you should speak to a midwife or doctor about it,don't just hide away and let anxiety build up in silence.

Thank you for all your replies its lovely to get a bit of perspective

Instituteofstudies: your DD sounds just like me, my mum knows Im pregnant and has been a big help but she doesnt understand how hard it is with google and every tiny symptom leading to something bad!

Cantbelievethisishappening- I do think there is a reason for my feeling so anxious- in the family we have had two pregnancies and both ended in MC, they were very public pregnancies and the family was devastated both times, especially my nanna, it was so hard. we have no grandchildren or great grandchildren in the family yet and I know everyone is just wanting to see a happy healthy baby born soon. I got married in july last year and I know everyone is really looking forward to a pregnancy announcement from us soon, I can sense the way people are around us, always wondering if we are pregnant/ trying.
It puts me on edge because I really want this baby and knowing everyone else wants it so badly too puts pressure on me not to 'fail' if you know what I mean? :(

TwoOddSocks thats how I feel towards the scan!

My best friend keeps talking about how magical the scan will be and I just feel 'blah blah blah'! I feel awful, I already love my baby and can't wait to see the first picture, but I feel like they will say "I'm sorry but.."

I've rehearsed it over and over in my head...

I had the same issue so I paid £99 for a private scan at 7 weeks. It was hard enough getting from bfp to 7 weeks. I'd never have coped til 12, esp as mine ended up being 13 weeks!

I've been there. When I had my scan a couple of weeks ago, I just wanted to cry. She didn't even go straight for my uterus, wanted to 'look around first', almost threw up from anxiety. It was all fine though! Then all my symptoms disappeared, and I've had awful pain in my hip/lower back. So back to worrying something has gone wrong since.However, and this probably will sound awful, all I can think is 'if the worst has happened, there's nothing I can do, I have done my best, looked after myself'. I have my next midwife appointment this week, hopefully she can calm me down. I'm pretty sure the anxiety is normal, I'm the sort of person who hates not knowing something. Nine months is too long to have to wait!!!

I am the same, I am 9 weeks now I have a scan in 2.5 weeks. I have been horribly sick, loads of pg symptoms and countless positive tests but I am totally convinced I will get there and they will find nothing there.

I have been convinced of this with every pregnancy (this is my 6th) and of course each time I am proved wrong BUT for some reason I have managed to be completely sure of the fact this will be the time I am right.

I actually already take medication for anxiety so I am just trying to ride it out for 2.5 weeks until I know. Then of course the worrying will move to late miscarraige and the 20 week scan!

itsnotmeitsyou1- I feel the same way, when I picture myself at the scan I can feel myself welling up and holding back tears, I feel scared they will be all quiet as they perform the scan, at least I will have my hubby there with me

Aubrianna- aw your 6th pregnancy, you must be a seasoned pro! I keep moving my anxiety goalposts too- I worried I wouldn't get to 12 weeks, then I was there and I'm worried about the scan, I dont think I will stop worrying through the whole pregnancy and I really need to mention it to my midwife I think :(

aubrianna its my 6th pregnancy too - 21 weeks - and I just think of everything that can go wrong. Don't know why I am like this - I know it is irrational .

OP I understand how you feel and don't know what to say to make it easier for you although I am sure your midwife would offer you plenty of advice x

Ive never mentioned to my midwife that im feeling anxious, I have this thing where I want health care professionals to think I can 'handle' things is that weird?

every time I want to say something I keep thinking about the ladies who have suffered terrible losses, ill babies, late MCs and I feel guilty as nothing has happened to me yet!

x

If you are really anxious you can talk to your midwife about having an early scan. Where I live you can also turn up at the early pregnancy unit and ask for a scan if you think something might be wrong.

I know it's worrying but the odds are on your side. 1 in 4 pregnancies ends in miscarriage BUT that means 3 in 4 don't. And, yes, missed miscarriage is always a worry but it only accounts for around 1% of miscarriages.

I have a history of miscarriage and the first twelve weeks are hard. Just take it one day at a time. You were pregnant yesterday, you are pregnant today, hopefully you will be pregnant tomorrow. And please know that if anything was to go wrong, it is not your fault. A MW told me that it was entirely out of my hands, nothing you did or did not do will affect the outcome at this stage of pregnancy.

Definitely speak to your MW about your anxieties, she won't think any less of you or judge you, but she will be able to offer reassurance and support

Don't feel guilty! Just because 'nothing bad' has happened, doesn't mean you're not allowed to have some worries. It's just finding a balance between having a worry, and not letting the anxiety take over.

I wouldn't try to hide your anxiety from the midwife. I imagine they expect many women will be at least a little bit anxious. You don't get a badge for coping perfectly with pregnancy, and it will help them to provide the reassurance and care you need. DD was worried about contacting the EPU as much as she did, but received only understanding and kindness, which helped quite a bit.

When you want something so badly, it can make you feel like something is going to go wrong and not let you have it. It's natural I think. DD has been superstitious about lots of things and that's just not her at all usually. It's because, like you, she wants this baby so much, I'm sure. Distraction and relaxation might help. There are lots of guided relaxation vids on youtube that you might find calming.

Tell your midwife. Don't put yourself under pressure to be the perfect textbook mother to be. It's a massive experience, that nothing can prepare you for. It's not unreasonable for you to feel freaked out at times.

Seriously thank you all so much for your replies, they have really helped me especially yours Bearfrills- Im so sorry you have suffered miscarriages in the past, I have been looking around for a statistic on what percentage of MCs are MMCs, but they all seem to get lumbered together, I find it helpful to know some numbers if that makes sense.

I think im finding it hard because I do want it so badly and I have done for a good while, I'll just have to keep my fingers crossed for wednesday and the scan, I think Im definitely going to mentioned the anxiety to the person doing the scan, might make them a little more understanding and take more time to explain things maybe!

xxx

I have exactly the same but did admit to mild anxiety to the midwife. I have a history of anxiety (undiagnosed) anyway but I have never been so bad as I have been in pregnancy.

I had scans at 6 and 8 weeks due to some spotting, both were fine. I was already planning what I'd do if they weren't. I had a nuchal scan too early as it turned out. I was certain it would have died, despite a good 8 week scan meaning a 97% chance of it all turning it out okay. It was fine but it measured a day smaller than I thought I was (more reason to be anxious), I had to come back the next week for nuchal. I was still convinced it had died. Nuchal was fine, low risk for everything but one blood test was slightly low so I googled that and scared myself, now have sorted that but today I started googling for people whose babies had died at the 20 week scan. Why?

I am not sure if this is normal anxiety or not. I was reassured that it seemed common to feel a bit of a fraud and that the 12 week scan would show nothing there and of course this never happened. I probably should have stopped googling and probably should stop now.

I hope your scan goes fine (very good chance it will) and just wanted to say you aren't the only one.

Have you joined one of the antenatal groups on the antenatal boards here? There'll be lots of ladies at your stage and I found it good moral support.

Hi rosy, my 12 week scan is also next week and I've already posted being in a tizz about it! My mW told me when I was preggers last time that most early miscarriages are in the first 8 weeks, so you're well past that now! The first bit is hard as I often find myself forgetting that I'm pregnant since I don't have a bump and can't feel the baby moving yet. Its normal for your emotions to be all over the place.

Make sure you are getting enough time out to relax and do the things you enjoy to take your mind off it. You'll have plenty of time to worry about your lovely little bundle when they are born and driving you crazy