AIBU worried about scan?

[rosy189]

Ladies,

I know lots of women worry about the 12 week scan, but I think I've taken it too far. I do suffer from a bit of anxiety- particularly around medical tests, but I seem to be getting so depressed about my 12 week scan next week.

This is my first pregnancy, very much wanted and planned, hubby is over the moon. But I just keep thinking about how we have never heard our baby's heartbeat, I dont know if the baby is ok or even in there, I feel so down because I'm not enjoying the build up to the scan, everyone keeps telling me how amazing it is and all I can think of are the things that could go wrong. :(

I feel so lucky to even make it to 12 weeks, I was sure something would happen before this milestone, AIBU to just want to hide away!

On sights like MN and Babycentre, etc you'll see lots of mmc and mc stories purely because you tend to have a high concentration of people in similar situations. It's like the bad MIL thing, the people with 'good' MILs aren't going to post for advice or to vent as often as the people with 'bad' MILs so it skews the perception that the majority of MILs are 'bad'. There are lots of posts about mc and mmc because you have a lot of people on MN who have had mcs and mmcs, if you went to a DIY forum there'd be far less mc and mmc posts.

I saw lots of stories about it on babycentre, I love the site its really helpful but it left me feeling sure I would have one, everyone here has been really lovely and given me really good advice I wish I had come here sooner

I did say for someone who's finding the anxiety totally unbearable and really can't afford private

Anxiety is not a good reason to lie to the nhs hospital. Babies are expensive, if you can't rustle up 80£ for a reassurance scan you are going to struggle to afford one.

Most miscarriages do have bleeding
Lots of pregnancies have bleeding. Bleeding is not on its own an indicator of m/c. And the opposite is also true.
3 out of my 4 m/c had no bleeding at all. My consultant told me this is not uncommon at all, at least 15% of miscarriages have no bleeding at the point of discovery.

your pregnant your entitled to be like this i sobbed my heart out when Chelsea won 5-0 i really hate football but at the time it seemed like the world had ended

try not to let it go too far you will be fine

Babies are expensive, if you can't rustle up 80£ for a reassurance scan you are going to struggle to afford one.

Bit harsh, isn't it? Babies in and of themselves aren't that expensive depending on what you want to buy, whether you buy brand new, whether you want fancy stuff or want to stick to basics, whether you're returning to work or not, and so on. Lots of people could rustle up the £80 but have other things to spend it on.

Again, going off what I've been told in my miscarried pregnancies and my successful pregnancies, bleeding is a common sign of miscarriage. I've bled in every pregnancy except one. Some resulted in babies, some didn't, but it's usually bleeding or spotting that results in referral to EPU.

I was anxious up to probably 25 weeks first time, and still not completely relaxed until baby arrived. I went to gp who got hb on doppler before scan to ease my fears a bit. I had acupuncture a few times which did help and I also did the gentlebirthpprogramme which just relaxed me overall. It's not rational but it's still very real and many many people feel exactly the same, doesn't mean it 'means something' so take some comfort in that. Best of luck.

I had my reservations about a reassurance scan in the first place because I didnt think it would reassure me that much!

But I wouldn't be able to lie to the nhs to get a scan, I know a friend who lied to the midwives that she couldn't remember when her LMP date was, so they would move her dating scan to an earlier time..she ended up getting it at 9 weeks instead of nearly 13. She knew her dates because she used the same app as me to chart them (plus she told me what she had done) and I didnt know what to think..

I havent had anything bad really, the odd cramp and maybe a tiny bit of brown spotting at the very beginning but I couldnt be sure if it really was something I should worry about

If you were near me I'd bring my medical grade doppler round and pop it on-great reassurance :)

No, I don't think its harsh when the alternative is to lie to the hospital and pretend you have signs of a miscarriage when you don't. I don't know how a person could sit in the waiting room amongst the recurrent miscarriages and worried bleeding people and not feel like an utter shit.

I don't know why you are arguing with me about missed miscarriages. Yes bleeding is a very common sign of threatened or happening m/c. But not bleeding is also very common. I've lots of personal experience of that and mimimal research shows its not unusual at all. It is certainly a lot more than one per cent of known, proven miscarriages.

I'm not arguing with you

What ever happens at least I know I suppose :( I cant do anything to change it, I still feel sick as a dog and every other symptom but I've read that that's not worth anything either because something could still happen so nothing reassures me really I only have two more days to wait, I'm so so anxious! :(

I sympathise op. I felt exactly the same in all 3 of my pregnancies. I also had umpteen early scan due to what I can say now was minor spotting but caused me to rush to epu every time.

I also like a pp would stress all day until I felt some kicks and if I had to get up in the morning without feeling any kicks would be hyper anxious until I felt some and then I would relax but after a few hours of work would stress again and sit in the read room until I felt some. I would love another baby but not that stress again (3 dc is enough for my DH anyway!)

I get like this in pregnancy but it gets worse with each one. With my first I worried about becoming pg as it took a fair few months but once I was pg I was fine although I was so careful not to eat anything I shouldn't. My worries about scans were I think normal and once I got to the last 10 weeks or so I was fine and loved being pg.

I then had a m/c after DD was born and then spotting with my 2nd baby. We were having work done in our house during the m/c which I was convinced caused it so once I was pg again I moved out to my mums every time we decorated. I watched everything I put in my mouth, hands washed all the time. So much so that it has left me with dermatitis that I can't get rid of. DS1 is now 7.

I then had 2 m/c's before getting pg with DS2. We had to move in with my parents for a good few months as we moved house and the new one needed renovating and decorating so moved their for my piece of mind. I used to frustrate my parents who thought I was 'odd' with my what to eat problems. I once stressed when I ate nutmeg in a recipe, panicked and googled to find it may cause something or other. Everyone thought I had lost it. I don't touch my cats at all without hand washing afterwards. Worry about getting too hot, ill, kids having vaccinations. You name it and I have worried about it and googled it. FWIW, I do still calm down once I get nearer the end and enjoy it and find that if I do it my way I am better.

There is no point in someone saying to eat a runny egg and not worry because they did it when they were pg as it doesn't help. It would just make me worse.

PM if you want to chat. None of my babies were harmed by any of the things that I thought I did wrong in pg but it would have been nice to know I wasn't alone.

summeblaze thank you so much for your comment, I feel ok during the day but at night the anxiety gets really bad!

only two more days to wait, this time on weds the scan will be over and hopefully its good news!

Nights are the worst. I once sneaked downstairs to google vitamin a in hand cream as I was worried. The sites I looked at said it could do this and that but generally was ok. This read to me as if I had harmed my baby and worried until my next scan.