AIBU worried about scan?

[rosy189]

Ladies,

I know lots of women worry about the 12 week scan, but I think I've taken it too far. I do suffer from a bit of anxiety- particularly around medical tests, but I seem to be getting so depressed about my 12 week scan next week.

This is my first pregnancy, very much wanted and planned, hubby is over the moon. But I just keep thinking about how we have never heard our baby's heartbeat, I dont know if the baby is ok or even in there, I feel so down because I'm not enjoying the build up to the scan, everyone keeps telling me how amazing it is and all I can think of are the things that could go wrong. :(

I feel so lucky to even make it to 12 weeks, I was sure something would happen before this milestone, AIBU to just want to hide away!

I was the same, convinced myself they would do the scan & tell me I'd obviously made a mistake as there was nothing there. And after the 12 week scan I worried about screening results, 20 week scan etc so I think it's normal to feel some anxieties. Agree with pp's that its a good idea to talk it out with someone though rather than bottle it up, hubby/mw or friend. My mum told me it's just to get you used to a lifetime of worrying about your kids!

Bearfrills- ive had a look on the pregnancy board and that was a big help, but I'm new to the site and still looking for my group! I would love to join it.

I'm sort of.glad I'm not the only one worrying but it is horrible, I would have felt so much worse if all my family and friends knew and I had to wait for the scan, at least we kept it quiet because we were too scared to tell people!

I really hope the scan goes ok, at least its an early morning appointment so we wont be waiting all day...

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs

You just look for the month and year you're due :)

thanks for the link I'm having a look now! :)

I don't help myself at all because I search for statistics of things, when i had my first smear test i was online looking at statistics and holding onto them before my result came! Then I end up finding loads of accounts of MMC at the 12 week scan its so horrible!

blackbettybambalam I read that statistic too, when I was six weeks I just wanted to make it to 8, then 12, then I started worrying they would find something at the scan!! I can never get reassurance!

I hope your scan goes really well! xxx

I had a very similar thread to yours in the pregnancy section. I'm sick with worry. I called my sister up the other day sobbing about something going wrong. I'm only 7 weeks and every time I get excited about me pregnant the fear over rides it.

I too spend so much time looking at statistics and signs of miscarriage. But they don't help because I think I could easily be in that 10%.

I have a history of anxiety. This is my second baby and I feel like I'm worse this time, even though I don't think I even know anyone whose had a miscarriage that I know of. In a way it makes me think the odds are against me. Like it will be me. I keep imagining the scan. It's going to be a long 5 weeks!

I don't think my ramble might of helped, or it could of so you don't think you're the only one! It was cathartic to write anyway.

I wish you all the best because it is scary. All we can do is hope

Aw BuggerLumpsAnnoyed it wasnt a ramble!

I seriously do not know how I have survived the first trimester my nerves have been so bad, I found it really helpful to wear only dark knickers! if i wore white ones I always saw 'something' in them that turned out to be nothing!
I also know what you mean about thinking it must be you, I know a few people who suffered miscarriages, but loads more who didnt, and I think that the more people who have healthy pregnancies must lower my chance of also having one, because someone has to make up those statistics!

have you thought of having an early private scan to reassure yourself?

it's reassuring to no I'm not alone in this.

I have thought about a private early scan but they're pretty expensive. My husbands also the extremely rational sort so doesn't understand (although he tries)why I'm running around crying all the time! Also, they don't tell you the gender here so we might be having a private gender scan. I do want one though it's just justifying the expense.

And yes yes to dark knickers! I have never spent so much time examining my post wipe toilet paper!

I know! Im a toilet paper inspector with the best of them! I even take it to my husband's work room at home to inspect it under the light there when I think ive seen something!

My hubby is also very rational but he does understand why ive been so down and teary and not looking forward to much, because we have had the losses in the family. Maybe have a talk with your hubby about it, say you know he might not be able to understand but this is a real worry for you and an early scan would help to put your mind at rest, 8 weeks is a very long time to wait.

We didnt have an early scan because I felt more comfortable just playing it day by day, and they turned into weeks, if everything was ok at an early scan I would have found some way to convince myself it wasnt so that would have been a waste of money!

I really sympathise with you, I've had 2 dc's and have dreaded every single scan. Heart beating, sweating hands feeling sick sort of thing.

As the pregnancy progressed I wouldn't get out of bed till I feltbtye baby move.

I wish I'd enjoyed the pregnancy more, but i was a ball of anixety, good luck hope your scan goes well

In all honesty, unless there are issues that require a scan, early scans can cause more worry. I had an early scan that showed I was nowhere near as far on as I thought so I had a horrendous two week wait for a rescan to see if the foetus had grown or not, spent the whole time convinced that it was a missed miscarriage, could barely eat or sleep. Turns out I just had my dates wrong. I've also been for an early scan where they couldn't see anything at all, had another awful two week wait convinced I'd miscarried, went back and everything was fine, baby had implanted right at the back of my very tilted womb so hadn't been easily visible.

My first scan definitely caused more worry and still is because the baby measured about a week smaller than my dates (and I knew they were accurate), although it caught up nearly. I am still convinced it is small because of a poor placenta.

I didn't find miscarriage statistics reassuring either, even when I had a good 8 week scan and it is 97% likely you'll go to term, I thought 3 in a 100 was pretty high, that's 210 women in a hospital with 7000 births a year and I was sure I would be one of them. Anyway a scan was reassuring for about 48 hours and then I was convinced it had all gone wrong again.

I think I have read every MMC at 12 week scan story on the internet, I was genuinely surprised it was alive. It is getting a bit better now at nearly 14 weeks, I still am anxious but a bit more positive, so I hope it gets better for everyone else.

It is quite reassuring it is so common to be really anxious. Everyone else in the scan waiting room always seems so calm and confident.

I had my first scan at 27 weeks. I hadn't found I was pregnant until 23 weeks & it took the hospital ages to sort me an appointment. I have never been more terrified than sitting in that weighting room. Not knowing I was pregnant I had drunk alcohol, eaten all the things you are not supposed to, taken medicines you should etc & was convinced that something would be wrong. But I'm now sitting here with an amazing, healthy, cheeky 2 year old.

Try not to worry & good luck :-)

Yes I agree everyone else seems so relaxed and in control! I was at the hospital seeing the consultant about a blood problem I have and loads of ladies were laughing and joking while waiting for test results, I was sweating and gripping my husbands hand!

I have found it easier to tell the midwives I'm nervous before blood tests and such, I have found they take lots of care and time over you, which I really like, all the midwives I have seen have been so wonderful.
I go looking for things that can be wrong! Doesn't help me at all!

Hello, recurrent miscarriage voice of doom here... I would recommend if you're anxious, or if you have a reason to believe your pregnancy is higher risk than normal, not to join the relevant pregnancy club, because if you have a MC there is nothing more depressing than knowing the thread is carrying on without you.

And don't expect much from the EPU if you are anxious but have no symptoms... even in my third pregnancy after 2 MCs I couldn't get a reassurance scan. They'll do it after 3 MCs though. I've said this before on here (and been told off) but my advice, if you're finding the anxiety totally unbearable, you're past around 9 weeks (by that time you can usually see if all is well or not, at 6-7 weeks sometimes it's not possible to see a heartbeat even if nothing is wrong), and you really can't afford to go private... tell the EPU you're spotting, and they will give you a scan.

But it will probably be fine, it's usually fine.

And, yes, missed miscarriage is always a worry but it only accounts for around 1% of miscarriages.

Thats not at all true. It's a lot higher than that.

OP, the biggest single factor in your miscarriage risk is your age. If you are under 35 and have made it to 12 weeks with no problems your chances of success are very high.

Really shitty advice to lie to EPAU to get a scan when there is no indication you need one! Why do you think they are so busy, so that women who do actually need one can't even get in? If you want a scan that isn't clinically necessary there are plenty of places you can go to and pay for one.

A consultant gynaecologist gave me the 1% stat after I had one, I'm inclined to believe him as most miscarriages have some symptoms such as bleeding.

Agree that it's shitty advice to lie to EPU. They're one of the most overstretched departments in the hospital and lying to get an appointment means you are taking that slot from someone who genuinely needs it fr medical reasons.

Most have symptoms such as bleeding? You can't possible know that. And your consultant is wrong I'm afraid, unless he said 1% of pregnancies end in missed m/c, not 1% of m/c are missed,and even then it would be stretching it.

I did say for someone who's finding the anxiety totally unbearable and really can't afford private. They can have my one: I would have been offered a pre-12 week reassurance scan after my 3rd MC if I'd wanted it, and not clinically necessary, only for reassurance, and who's to judge whether someone who's first time pregnant is more or less anxious than someone like me who'd been round the block a few times, had investigations, and knew far more precisely what the chances were of a successful pregnancy?

Toomuchtooold,

I'm sorry you have had MCs in the past, and I don't hold it against you with your advice, I was so desperate to know everything was ok early on! And I bet after suffering losses before you are even more eager to know the baby is ok with an early scan.
I wouldn't be able to fib to the epu about spotting though, because id be superstitious that something really would happen :(, and id feel bad for the ladies who are really having problems, but I could feel different if I had lost pregnancies in the past and they wouldn't offer a reassurance scan, they could at least maybe try and have a listen to the heartbeat at the earliest they could?

Most miscarriages do have bleeding, it's often one of the first signs that a miscarriage is going to occur. And yes, 1% of pregnancies but that's picked up by scan so possibly the actual stat is probably higher but the miscarriage occurs naturally before its picked up on a scan as a missed miscarriage (not sure if I've worded that properly).

Madreloco- thanks for weighing in, I'm 26, my bmi is on the slightly high side and the consultant told me not to worry about it, she said because my blood pressure, urine, and bloods are all fine, I also don't drink and never smoked, I'm fit and healthy and should be ok at the scan,

I would feel guilty, I'm scared to call the epu because they are super busy anyway! Ive never called them yet because luckily i haven't had reason too!

Where I live they normally try to listen to the heartbeat at the 16wk appointment because it can be hard to pick up before then and can cause worry, although I could pick it up with a home dipper from around 10-12 weeks each time.

Dipper = doppler

I felt like the mmc rate was really high because I just seemed to see stories of it every where! :(