Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To say something?

74 replies

Joolsy · 04/04/2015 12:01

DD's 6th bday party was 2 wks ago. One of her friends turned up with her mum & her mum said "sorry we haven't got round to getting her anything, will sort something out for her next weekend". Same excuse she gave at DD's 5th bday party & no present appeared for that either. Today they are both going to a twins' bday party & I'm sure she wouldn't have the nerve to turn up with no present for either bday girl, so I'm tempted to take her to one side and make a (grown up of course!) comment about the lack of presents for my DD that she'd promised. Once I could forgive but twice & I feel she's taking the p*ss. AIBU?

OP posts:

madreloco · 04/04/2015 12:04

YABVU. You don't ask for presents, in any shape or form, its beyond the pale. It doesn't matter if they came to the party, it doesn't matter if they gave you a signed IOU for a gift, it is simply Not Done to ask where yuor present is.
Surprised anyone would think of doing otherwise, tbh.

ButchCassidy · 04/04/2015 12:05

YABU

I would never expect a present from a child attending my DC's party. Lovely if they bring one but definitely not expected.

Original poster

Joolsy · 04/04/2015 12:06

Sorry yes my initial post did sound like I expected a present for DD. I'd just rather she didn't say anything about a present rather than make false promises to my DD.

OP posts:

wowfudge · 04/04/2015 12:06

YABU - how do you know that this woman 1) has the money to buy gifts; 2) doesn't have other things going on which mean it is difficult for her to actually get presents?

Please don't take her to one side and have a go at her, which is what you will be doing. No one should expect to receive a gift. Yes, she said she would provide gifts at a future date, but has it crossed you mind that she said that to cover her embarrassment at turning up empty handed.

In the scheme of things, does it really matter? Be the bigger person and chat to her, but don't show her up or give her a dressing down.

Schoolaroundthecorner · 04/04/2015 12:07

There could be any number of reasons why she didn't get her a gift, which could include being stingy but could also be financial or forgetful. You really can't issue a reminder though no, it's not on to hassle someone for a gift. If they won't give one freely you can't demand it from them.

Kirst16 · 04/04/2015 12:08

Wow, just wow. I think you risk being very crass and self absorbed. Do you really only hold a party for the purposes of receiving gifts? I would have thought it was more about the birthday boy/girl getting to enjoy their special day with their friends. What's to say they aren't in financial difficulty and not had cash to spare?

IDontDoIroning · 04/04/2015 12:08

I wouldn't say anything it could be that she is really short on funds and is embarrassed not be be able to afford a present or it could be she doesn't give a toss or is just really disorganised.
She has got form for this in that she didn't give your dd a gift last year either. What she brings with her today for the party children is nothing to do with you.

madreloco · 04/04/2015 12:10

You child won't remember unless you make a fuss about it, and presumably she got more than enough presents from everyone else.
If you do say something you will quickly become known as one of Those People.

SisterMoonshine · 04/04/2015 12:13

I do know what you mean about the false promise thing.
A girl came to my DD's and her mum said to DD that 'we haven't got you anything yet because we don't know what you like. Let X know what you like and we'll get you something'. She said it so sincerely and nicely to DD.
We know that when adults say something like that, it's best to just forget about it. It's a lesson learned for a 7 year old.

msgrinch · 04/04/2015 12:13

yabu. get over yourself.

ChipDip · 04/04/2015 12:14

Wow how grabby and actually tacky to chase down a present!! Yabvu, there must be a reason she didn't get a gift, like maybe she can't afford it.
And this 'false promises' to your child, I'm sure she will survive.
I wouldn't even think of asking after a gift

TokenGinger · 04/04/2015 12:15

YABU.

She probably hasn't got the money. Probably feels embarrassed saying she hasn't got the money. And therefore makes up and excuse to save that embarrassment.

LeahLeah · 04/04/2015 12:16

Yes. I think you're being very unreasonable. Maybe she couldn't afford them?
Don't put her on the spot and humiliate her like that. She celebrated your Childs birthday, you'd be moaning of nobody turned up. Seriously... It's not about gifts. At all.

Original poster

Joolsy · 04/04/2015 12:16

Believe me, she can afford it!!!!

OP posts:

AlpacaMyBags · 04/04/2015 12:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CaulkheadUpNorth · 04/04/2015 12:17

Ditto other people saying your child won't remember unless you make a fuss.

Maybe if she does give a gift to the twins you should take it, making it clear your children deserve it more.

ohmychrist · 04/04/2015 12:19

YABVU, as everyone else has said.

LeahLeah · 04/04/2015 12:19

Even if she can afford it, your being pretty petty.
She didn't, so what?
She came.
You'll look a right desperate fool asking tbh

ChipDip · 04/04/2015 12:19

And even if she could afford it, you just don't go chasing after presents.

Samcro · 04/04/2015 12:19

i dont think yabu
there are always people like this who manage to get out of spending money.
but I wouldn't say anything, just accept it and don't by presents for her kids/

Bakeoffcake · 04/04/2015 12:23

If your dd says anything about the lack of a present just say "We don't need to worry about it, it was so lovley to have X at your party wasn't it?" Then change the subject.

It's not a big deal unless you make it one and it's an opportunity for your DD and you to show kindness.

Bakeoffcake · 04/04/2015 12:23

"Don't buy presents for her kids"

How mature

CaoNiMa · 04/04/2015 12:23

Don't do it. Vulgar and grabby.

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 04/04/2015 12:26

YABU. Say anything and you will be that mum forever.

It is a bit weird and maybe slightly mean not to bring a gift, and wrong to say she'll give your DC a present and then fail to do so.

But to raise it with her would catapult you into being the wholly out of order one. And really tacky. No-one wants that.

NurseRoscoe · 04/04/2015 12:30

If my child was actually disappointed I would tell them that sometimes things happen and people can't keep their promises for whatever reason, and that presents are a nice thing that we should be grateful for and NEVER expect. If they starting whinging about it they would be told off.

YABU to even consider mentioning to her. Presents aren't compulsory at parties.

Flip

1 2 3