Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say something?

74 replies

Joolsy · 04/04/2015 12:01

DD's 6th bday party was 2 wks ago. One of her friends turned up with her mum & her mum said "sorry we haven't got round to getting her anything, will sort something out for her next weekend". Same excuse she gave at DD's 5th bday party & no present appeared for that either. Today they are both going to a twins' bday party & I'm sure she wouldn't have the nerve to turn up with no present for either bday girl, so I'm tempted to take her to one side and make a (grown up of course!) comment about the lack of presents for my DD that she'd promised. Once I could forgive but twice & I feel she's taking the p*ss. AIBU?

OP posts:
Eggynuff · 04/04/2015 12:34

Oh no do not ask for a present Shock

How embarrassing Blush

ragged · 04/04/2015 12:43

Note to discuss with DC if they mind no present at future parties, before they issue invite to the DC of the No-Gift mom. Keep quiet otherwise.

itsnotmeitsyou1 · 04/04/2015 12:44

Some people are just like that op. I think the term is 'flakey'. Your daughter may be disappointed, but there we go. No great loss. Don't embarras yourself by bringing it up, because your flakey friend will be sure to let people know what an entitled, grabby person you are for doing so.

SouthWestmom · 04/04/2015 12:45

Last year my friend said she'd bring DS a present a bit later - no time on the day etc. Didn't. Month later we went to her ds' party and took a present. Couldn't not. Have never mentioned it to her - you just have to decide what to do based on what you can change. I don't want to spoil the children's friendship so I just told ds people do stuff differently. Like in a million other situations.

Feckeggblue · 04/04/2015 12:46

Your friend sounds like a right lazy cow. She just can't be arsed

Maliceaforethought · 04/04/2015 12:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ElevenTwelve · 04/04/2015 12:54

I think you would be very unreasonable to say something to her. Just let it go. I'm sure your daughter had plenty of other presents to open after her party without you chasing after one!

usualmum · 04/04/2015 12:55

I don't think a present is necessary at all.. more important that the kids enjoy themselves and reasonably behaved...parties are to build happy memories, experiences and relationships and to make a special day.

Lweji · 04/04/2015 12:59

Don't say anything.
Who knows why she didn't get your DD nothing. She may well have forgotten.

I had a few parents show up at DS's party with no present and while some did end up giving him a present, I don't know which didn't.

Did your DD get upset? Is she still waiting for her presents? Has she mentioned anything? Or is it only you hung out on it?

Tanith · 04/04/2015 12:59

Please don't do it.

I have to rely on my clients paying me on time so that I have money available.
One month, they were all late. I had no money for even basic essentials. DS had a birthday party invitation and, in sheer desperation, I made up some playdough in rainbow colours and added some cleaned up cutters, wrapped them up and gave them to the little girl. I got DS to make a card.

Her mother lost no time in telling the other parents how mean I was. She told me the playdough went straight in the bin SadSad

DS wasn't invited to a lot of parties that year Sad

Gottagetmoving · 04/04/2015 13:01

She should not have mentioned a gift at all if she had no intention of getting one but nevertheless, gifts should not be compulsory.
You would be very unreasonable to say anything.

Lweji · 04/04/2015 13:02

Who knows why she didn't get your DD nothing

Or rather, why she didn't get your DD something.

zzzzz · 04/04/2015 13:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gileswithachainsaw · 04/04/2015 13:06

Please don't. why on earth would you.

I've always told dd at her parties that the important thing is that her friends can make it and share the day with her. whether they bring a present or not shouldn't matter.

There could he any number of reasons as to why there was no present.
.even if your well off it still has to fall at the time where you actually have the spare cash.

tenith

that was despicable behaviour dd would have been thrilled with that and what you gave should have no bearing on future invites. so sorry that happened

MagicMojito · 04/04/2015 13:08

If I was the party goer, I'd think it would be very rude and stingy to not take a present if I had accepted your invitation.

If I was the party organizer I would be completely unreasonable and grabby to EXPECT any guest to turn up with a gift, although I'd be very grateful to whoever did bring one.

So IMO other mum is U to not bring a gift in the first place and then make false promises of a future gift, but YABU for even contemplate calling her on it.

Just relax and try to get through enjoy the twins party Grin

Koalafications · 04/04/2015 13:09

Tanith that's horrible Easter Sad

OP, YABU.

Ledkr · 04/04/2015 13:11

I think it's tight and not fair on her kids either, how embarrassing for them to be the only ones not bringing a gift. My dc all enjoyed choosing and writing in their friends cards and helping to wrap the presents.
Dd1 has a friend who never brings a present and she's looked pretty uncomfortable about it since she was about 8.
I've never had pots of money but u can buy a box of maltesers from pound land and a card for 20p in tescos.

Lweji · 04/04/2015 13:12

Tanith

What a bitch mother. And the others too.

MagicMojito · 04/04/2015 13:14

Tannith my DD would have LOVED a present like that! That mum sounds like a complete cow.

UptheChimney · 04/04/2015 14:15

YABU

Good lord, I didn't know people would actually contemplate being quite so rude.

Box5883284322679964228 · 04/04/2015 14:19

I wouldn't say anything. I would consider being laid back about buying her child a gift at her party as I'd be under the impression she wasn't into that sort of thing so wouldn't mind.

DrankSangriaInThePark · 04/04/2015 14:31

One of dd's friend's mothers still, 6 yrs on, goes on about the child in her class who didn't bring the gift yet ATE THE PIZZA!!! She actually asked the place how many kids had come (37!!!!!) and then counted the gifts....as one big gift had come from lots of the kids in the class, she went on to ask the Mum who had collected the money which children had paid her for the joint gift so she could work out who the vile pizza nabber was.

So very grabby and common to bring your kids up to think that they are having a party JUST for the gifts. Because that's what it is.

Feminine · 04/04/2015 14:34

I am getting the impression you do the like your daughter being let down.
Probably not about the gift is it?
On that premis, you are not being unreasonable.
Do not ask her though. This would be a very odd thing to do.

Feminine · 04/04/2015 14:35

*just don't like your daughter being let down.

Tanith · 04/04/2015 14:42

Blush I'm all sniffly now Blush

Thank you - it's lovely to know there are kind people who would see past the rubbish present.

I know it's annoying when you think someone is not paying their way and I hate meanness as much as the next person. I suppose she just thought I was a chancer and decided to pull me up on it.