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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU- pregnant teen comments

63 replies

UghReally · 04/04/2015 11:43

AIBU to want to scream?
I'm probably just making a big fuss over nothing but im currently pregnant, not long started showing. I only had my first scan this week (Due to a cock up on the hospitals part leading to a 2 week delay) i'm 15 weeks today. I'm in my early 20's but look quite young (Frequently have to say "i'd like an adult ticket" at train and bus stations after they print out a child one, am always ID'd buying alcohol etc) I have a little bump now which is quite obvious unless i wear baggy hoodies as i'm 5ft and just over 100lbs.
Anyhow. I get the usual questions of strangers which i dont mind at all, most are kind older women who don't yet have GC of there own and get excited when they see young people are expecting as sweet as they are i feel sorry for their DIL's
a few times now i've had comments off people like "Oh you look so young"
"you dont look a day over 15"
"you're just a baby yourself!" one person was particularly rude and asked if the father was around and if i'd dropped out of school when i found out i was expecting! I'm 24 just before christmas this year. these comments make me feel extremely uncomfortable and uneasy and quite judged tbh.
Even if i tell people my age they sort of roll their eyes and go "Oh really"
Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
UghReally · 04/04/2015 11:46

Pressed enter too soon but you get the point anyway!

OP posts:
MammaTJ · 04/04/2015 11:48

It must be annoying!

When you are an old lady of 47 like me, you will be thankful of your youthful looks.

I think people judging actual teen mums is pretty bad anyway!

afreshstartplease · 04/04/2015 11:50

It's just the way people are I'm afraid

I'm 27, had my first at 20 and now have 3

I get some funny looks still sometimes but tbh if judgy people weren't judging you and I for looking young and having kids they would soon find something else to judge for

ToastyFingers · 04/04/2015 11:50

That would really piss me off, I can't think of any witty retorts but, if it's any consolation, you probably won't look quite so youthful by the time your lo is 2 :)

Original poster
UghReally · 04/04/2015 11:53

Toasyfingers I bet you're right :) lol.
My mum was a teen mum(a single one at that) and did a brilliant job raising my big sister, then met my dad, got a career etc so regardless i think judging them is wrong but i'm not even a teen mum D:

OP posts:
bigfam · 04/04/2015 11:55

I can totally relate, I'm 25 and have 4 kids the youngest being just 9 weeks, I've been with my partner 10 years and he's the father to all of them. He works full time and because I don't drive I use the bus a lot (bus wanker) I love the looks I get off judgemental people, makes my day.
I get asked I.d for scratch cards and once when someone phoned for something or other they asked if my dad was there! Lmao, use it to your advantage, if you get a door to door sales person tell them your parents aren't home, I do that all the time!!

insanityscatching · 04/04/2015 11:55

I had the same when I had my first, try to ignore. It wasn't until I got referred to as my last child's Granny Hmm that I realised that sometimes people are just bloody insensitive and speak before they think.

Original poster
UghReally · 04/04/2015 11:57

Bigfam I did do that actually!
you remind me of something hilarious that happened not so long ago.
i was over my mums and my sister was too (shes older than me by 4.5 years) someone from virgin came and knocked on the door and i answered, i told him this is my mums house and shes upstairs. my sister came downstairs just after i said it and the guy went "oh you're mum are you?" My sister was like "No, I'm her sister. mums still upstairs" and stalked out to the kitchen pahaha

OP posts:
bigfam · 04/04/2015 12:03

Love it. My other half takes the piss all the time saying I still look like a kid. We were once selling a mobile home and a man phoned to ask about it, after I told him it was still available he said ' you're sure you can sell it can you, you haven't got a grudge against your dad and are selling it to get back at him' I literally had to convince him it was my partners and I had permission, when he came to view he was embarrassed to say the least! Grin

roughtyping · 04/04/2015 12:05

I'm nearly 30 and when people come to the door I'm often asked if my parents are home. I was a mum at 17 and generally people were lovely, despite the fact that I looked about 13. I wouldn't worry about it.

Fluffyears · 04/04/2015 12:06

My young looking friend had an old woman huffing about 'people too young to have kids that I have to pay for' my friend turned round and said 'I'm 27 married and we both work full time to pay your pension and free bus journeys I was also brought up to not be as rude as you!'

bigfam · 04/04/2015 12:07

If it's someone you don't have time for just say "I'm sorry mummies not here, I've been told not to talk to strangers" maybe chuck in a little thumb suck for effect ;-)

tobysmum77 · 04/04/2015 12:08

No 24 year old looks 15, I think they have an eyesight issue. Plus people look younger and younger as you get older.

Tbh people say rude/ bizarre things to pregnant women of all ages. The number of people when I had my first (at 31 so not young) ergo immediately said 'was it planned'?

And not to mention the crap people spout once you've had the baby. Just ignore, ignore, ignore and it will help prepare you for motherhood.

Original poster
UghReally · 04/04/2015 12:11

tobysmum... no i dont look 15 i look 12! haha. I do look very very young, not to mention the fact im absolutely tiny too. Never a good combination

OP posts:
bigfam · 04/04/2015 12:12

Tobysmum I honestly hand on heart look under 16.

Goldenyellowhibiscus · 04/04/2015 12:13

When I was expecting my first baby I was 24 and small/petite. People do comment unfortunately despite the fact both my husband and I were in professional jobs, homeowners etc. ignore!

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 04/04/2015 12:18

I was ID'd for a 15 rated film at 27, I'm nearly 32 mother to a near 8 year old but apparently I still look in my 20's.

Harleyjosh · 04/04/2015 12:19

My friend and neighbour was a SAHD and I was a SAHM over one summer when our children were 5,4,3,2 and 1 ( 5,4 and 2 years old were his and the others mine). We got some really dirty looks and loads of comments from the sarcastic 'hurry up mate - looks like its time to work on the next one' to 'Dear God - I bet they are on benefits' and the old chestnut ' It might be easier if you bought him a television love'.
Why people feel they have any right to comment I have no idea.

Artandco · 04/04/2015 12:22

I'm 28, married, 2 children, director of successful company.

When ds1 started school in September I was asked if I was his sister on my way to school after dropping him off.

Oh and I have been asked for Id to buy one of those candle gas lighters recently

MagicMojito · 04/04/2015 12:26

Yanbu, I used to get the same kind of comments ALL THE TIME although they have stopped altogether now having two babies has clearly added an additional 15 years to my face I got married at 22, had dd1 at 23.

Its incredibly rude for strangers to comment on such personal things. I used to have people saying to me how I was much too young to be married with a baby... Well wtf do you say to that? "You know what your right, now you have given me this new found perspective I shall turn back time and not marry my lovely husband and not have my baby. Ta for that! Hmm"

ChoochiWhoo · 04/04/2015 12:31

I was a teen mother i had these comments and had to deal with the very real and devastating stigma within an already very ageist/classist society. I bet its annoying but be greatful you can alleviate the discomfort with saying 'im actually 24'

FatSwan · 04/04/2015 12:32

Yanbu. It's mean. But people can be ignorant. I get that often too. Pregnancy was the worst-being asked if my family helped a lot and if I had a job or school to go back to.

Just recently a woman at DD's class said to me "It's hard when you're young and doing it on your own, isn't it?"

I said. "It must be. I'm 30 and married and it's hard."

I make friends...

ByeByeButterfly · 04/04/2015 12:37

Feel your pain I still get ID'd but getting to look older now DD is just turning too must look tired out. Previously I've had similar comments - I am 25! I am glad I look younger than I am than older than I am though!

bigfam · 04/04/2015 12:38

That fatswan, is a stellar reply Grin

Maliceaforethought · 04/04/2015 12:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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