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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU- pregnant teen comments

63 replies

UghReally · 04/04/2015 11:43

AIBU to want to scream?
I'm probably just making a big fuss over nothing but im currently pregnant, not long started showing. I only had my first scan this week (Due to a cock up on the hospitals part leading to a 2 week delay) i'm 15 weeks today. I'm in my early 20's but look quite young (Frequently have to say "i'd like an adult ticket" at train and bus stations after they print out a child one, am always ID'd buying alcohol etc) I have a little bump now which is quite obvious unless i wear baggy hoodies as i'm 5ft and just over 100lbs.
Anyhow. I get the usual questions of strangers which i dont mind at all, most are kind older women who don't yet have GC of there own and get excited when they see young people are expecting as sweet as they are i feel sorry for their DIL's
a few times now i've had comments off people like "Oh you look so young"
"you dont look a day over 15"
"you're just a baby yourself!" one person was particularly rude and asked if the father was around and if i'd dropped out of school when i found out i was expecting! I'm 24 just before christmas this year. these comments make me feel extremely uncomfortable and uneasy and quite judged tbh.
Even if i tell people my age they sort of roll their eyes and go "Oh really"

OP posts:

tobysmum77 · 04/04/2015 13:06

haha you can't look 12. But OK maybe you are unusually young looking. I'm not sure about the height thing, I'm tall and people always think I'm younger than I am.

I really still think though that a lot of this is older people and their perspective. So someone over 50 will always think I am under 30 when in fact I'm much nearer 40 and be when I tell them otherwise. In fact someone recently at work told me she thought I was about 12 when she first met me and too young to have 2 children (aka a fairly new graduate not literally) But if they think I look under 30 where does that leave people who actually are?

I remember when I was about 24 a double glazing salesman asking if my mum was in result .

I haven't been asked for id since the age of 34 though .........

MissYamabuki · 04/04/2015 13:10

"I'm 24. So how old are YOU then?"

GlitzAndGigglesx · 04/04/2015 13:14

I had dd at 18 so got plenty of comments and judging. An elderly woman asked where the father is because apparently every pregnant woman should be glued to the hips of the father and I was in a funny mood so said "in prison" and walked off. He's not and never has been btw but it was along the lines of what she wanted to hear. I'm gonna have 3 at 22 and couldn't give a flying fuck what any fucker thinks or says about it. And yes it's the same daddy!!

MagicMojito · 04/04/2015 13:17

glitz

bigfam · 04/04/2015 13:18

That's my attitude glitz, I had 3 by 22, just had the 4th!

tobysmum77 · 04/04/2015 13:22

That's great glitz. The utterly unfathomable thing is in terms of much older/ elderly people it was normal to have babies young.

Lucyandpoppy · 04/04/2015 13:26

I'm 21, 36 weeks pregnant and the other week at the optitions the receptionist asked me if I was still at school...

other than that haven't had any comments about my age I'd say people have actually commented on my age LESS since I've been pregnant :)

Lucyandpoppy · 04/04/2015 13:28

and there are some bonuses to looking young e.g I hardly ever get stopped in high street or shopping centres by charities or utilities providers :D

grannytomine · 04/04/2015 14:12

I was also brought up to not be as rude as you Shame she was then.

fluffymouse · 04/04/2015 14:27

I felt the same when I was pregnant with my first. I was 22 and looked a good deal younger, still regularly IDed.

It sucks, but you know they are just judgemental twats.

Feminine · 04/04/2015 14:31

I was frequently asked if l was my sons nanny!
He was born when l was 27.
I am still mistaken for much younger at 43.
Not a bad thing. I am old enough to enjoy it. Won't take much longer for my face to melt
As mothers seem to be getting older (these days) it isn't a surprise that 'young mums' are thought to be even younger.
You are not being unreasonable- but one day you're going to be glad of it. :)

HighwayDragon · 04/04/2015 14:36

this is what you do, you laugh, tell them you're actually 24, then with a big smile thank them for the compliment

Missmonkeypenny · 04/04/2015 14:37

So much empathy here - I'm 20 but look about 14 with a 18 week old DD and actually had a shop assistant say ' I'll assume you don't pay taxes; shouldn't you be focussing on your GCSE's and not having children?' the other day. Doesn't help that I have a fair few tattoos and a nose ring Those who think they have a right to comment and make assumptions about you as a parent deserve you flicking two fingers up; I know I'm a fantastic mum, irrespective of my age and I know my daughter will grow up being a hell of a lot less judgemental than 90% of people out there.

SaucyJack · 04/04/2015 14:38

I had a few similar comments when I had DD1 as I was a short, youngish looking 23 year old.

I just used to make snide digs about how everyone must look young to them when they're that old back.

Dinosaursdontgrowontrees · 04/04/2015 14:40

I was a nanny for baby twins in my early 20s and I used to get this constantly. ( I looked about 16) old people were the worse, so rude! I was even called a little slut by an old man once. I hated it. I'm sorry you are going through this op I feel your pain. I'm 32 now and prob look about 25 people are much less judgy!

fluffymouse · 04/04/2015 14:41

feminine I had the same. I lived in an affluent area where most mums were in their forties or late thirties. Other nannies would approach me asking if I was a nanny too. I guess it was a compliment that they thought I still looked youthful after having a baby!

Fluffyears · 04/04/2015 14:51

Granny she wasn't rude she was just stating facts, her age, her status and the fact she's a taxpayer. She didn't make assumptions and spout off crap like the old woman did. Is it rude to defend yourself as she was very politely spoken when she said her piece.

itosh · 04/04/2015 16:42

I used to ALWAYS have this and it pissed me off big time. It hasn't happened for the last couple of years…. which even though must mean I have suddenly aged loads I am very glad as it gave me irrational rage.

What made me feel better was this: Natalie Portman always looked way younger than she is.

Disclaimer: I love Natalie Portman

DarkHeart · 04/04/2015 19:16

I had this all the time when my ds was born I was 20 but looked much younger. It drove me mad. Now mid thirties I still get asked for ID and was refused entry to a bar on NYE!

Confused26 · 04/04/2015 21:13

I can sympathise with this.

I went to a prom dress fair with my little sister (10 years younger than me) when I was about 7 months pregnant with DS. A lady asked if I wanted to try on one of the flowy dresses. I thought she was just having a joke so I laughed and said "no thanks, I'm not going to a prom". She then lectured me about how having a baby at 16 shouldn't affect my life and I shouldn't deny myself experienced like prom.

I was 26. She was so lovely and so supportive of this "teen mum" that I couldn't correct her and even tried on a dress while my sister was in hysterics.

Bean89 · 04/04/2015 21:24

I was 24 when I had my first and a bloke actually said to me on a train, "Are you pregnant? At your age?!" I couldn't pass for anything less than 20 so I don't know what his problem was. It is annoying.

lomega · 04/04/2015 21:29

People seem to think they've got a free licence to be rude to pregnant women, YANBU OP, your age/circumstances are none of their business and you shouldn't have to justify your age to people. My sister had her first child at 17 and she works her arse off and does overtime to be able to afford school trips and holidays now her children at at secondary school...

I had all the rude comments when I was pregnant and it's very frustrating, I look older than I actually am, someone asked me repeatedly if this was my first child 'as I look so mumsy already'. Lol.
Didn't quite beat the man at work who asked if it was my husband's. I wanted dearly to reply no, infact I've no idea whose it is, probably the postman's as I am clearly so promiscuous!!!

meggy22 · 04/04/2015 21:47

Yanbu, I had my son at 24 and also got comments such as is their a father involved ect. The look of shock on their faces if I said I am married was priceless. Ppl shouldn't jump to conclusions, yes I look young, so what I'm a good mum. Age does not necessarily mean your a single mother either. It's very annoying.

textfan · 04/04/2015 22:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dr0pThePirate · 04/04/2015 22:41

DP and are are in our 30's and look it (plus looking like neither of us has kept in three years which might be true) and we had an older couple at the next table in a cafe muttering about "children having children, terrible"

I looked around for who they might be talking about but it was us! Even our waitress was .

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