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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

o believe someone feeding our pet for 2 days does not have to go into every room in the house

104 replies

Pebbles69 · 03/04/2015 00:13

ok, so I am often asked to feed my neighbours cats when they are away, no problem, she gives me the key. I pop in feed the cats in the morning and call in at dinner time and get them in and feed them , no problem. I sometimes bring my youngest daughter who stays with me at all times, straight in, straight out.

So we now have a pet rabbit, he has a hutch in the garden and a run in the house to run around. Neighbour offered to feed bunny whilst we were away, great I think. so I give her the keys. My kids and hubbie genuinely have OCD so are a little obsessive about where things are placed etc, not a problem I feel as she will only be popping in to feed rabbit , so no need what so ever to go anywhere else in the house.

Only we arrive home earlier than expected to find her in the house with her daughter ( no problem, lovely to see she has been taking care of bunny) only when she has left we discover she has been on all 3 floors of the house, her daughter has marked the wall s and stuck stickers ever where, has been in my teenage daughters room and emptied her perfumes, stiil stinks of perfume, has been in the other 2 kids rooms and trashed them, also discover someone has been in our bedroom on the middle floor including pulled back bedding etc and go into our study.

Am I being unreasonable in thinking she has abused our privacy?

OP posts:
Gileswithachainsaw · 03/04/2015 21:21

I think. they stayed there

IDontDoIroning · 03/04/2015 22:11

I also think she may have stayed in your house as it woukd explain the bedclothes being disturbed in your room.

Original poster
Pebbles69 · 03/04/2015 22:19

Thanks for your replies. Yes all stickers were of child height, She only has one child. yes she has sky and I did wonder if she had stayed but that makes no sense, she lives directly opposite, why would she want to stay in our house?

OP posts:
Salmotrutta · 03/04/2015 22:27

Perhaps your neighbour is like a friend of mine OP?

She used to think it perfectly acceptable to allow her under-5 child to wander around people's houses whilst visiting. And do nothing to stop it.

It was cringeworthy - host would make polite noises about unsupervised child rummaging around upstairs etc. and friend would just shrug and stay put whilst saying "Oh, don't worry, it's fine" Hmm

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 03/04/2015 22:33

Who knows why people do things. She probably did it, not thinking you'd notice.

It's like the mumsnetter whos neighbour kept letting themselves into her house.

LindyHemming · 03/04/2015 22:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

emms1981 · 03/04/2015 23:58

Don't leave any of your best smelly candles laying about.

lougle · 04/04/2015 00:10

Not on at all.

Koalafications · 04/04/2015 00:19

That's not on at all.

TheCunnyFunt · 04/04/2015 00:35

Bloody hell how rude! Definitely say something, I can't believe the cheek of some people Shock

SoupDreggon · 04/04/2015 08:48

I don't think she stayed. I think her "crime" was letting her DD roam around the house and the child has sprayed stuff, stuck stuff and ruffled the bed clothes. Kids do that kind of thing if not supervised.

SuburbanRhonda · 04/04/2015 10:06

Have you spoken to her yet, OP?

Don't you think the longer you leave it, the weirder it will seem to her?

greenfolder · 04/04/2015 10:18

I would do the British thing of silent fuming, never tell her but never let her have a key again.

but seriously, its bad enough but an unsuperived 3 year could come to serious harm in someone elses house, sleeping tablets by the bed, cleaning stuff in the bathroom not to mention she might have borrowed some diamond earrings or something.

Spadequeen · 04/04/2015 10:23

Maybe I'm overly paranoid but I would also change the locks. Someone that would do what she did might also get another key cut, just or emergencies......

VenusRising · 04/04/2015 13:02

I bet she was so engrossed in the contents of your private and personal documamts in the study she didn't even notice her dd was up to her own antics. She probably knows more about your financial position than you do!
Change all passwords and let the bank know that someone unauthorised was in your study and had access to your account numbers.

I'd ask her to come meet you and have a chat in a local coffee shop and have a list of all the disturbances you've noticed. Ask her if she noticed a break-in, as you can't believe the mess your house was in when you came back. Show her the list. Ask her for details of when she was in the house.
Tell her you were thinking of calling the police.

If she says there was no break in, that it was just her and her dd, then tell her you are very upset by her intrusion and vandalism, and that you consider it very bad form to rummage, sleep in the beds and mark the walls. Present her with a bill for redecoration if she's humming and hawing about apologising.
Prepare for no speakers for a while.

Also, I'd change the locks as you know she's made a copy to nip in when she's forgotton your bank account details don't you?

SoupDreggon · 04/04/2015 13:05

Change all passwords and let the bank know that someone unauthorised was in your study and had access to your account numbers.

LOLOL. Seriously? What risk is an account number? Answer: none whatsoever. As for passwords, the neighbour has been in the OPs house, not her head.

pluCaChange · 04/04/2015 14:06

SoupDrEGGon, some people have to write down their passwords, especially if they're trying to be "good" by varying them...

SoupDreggon · 04/04/2015 14:11

Then they need to tell their bank "I am an idiot and have written my passwords down and left them somewhere easily findable"

Or they need how to choose a password they can actually remember. It's not "good" to vary them so you have to write them down!

Regardless, it is utter paranoia to suggest the neighbour is some kind of criminal mastermind who is plotting bank fraud. Clearly they aren't a criminal master mind or they wouldn't have made such a god awful mess. The child has wandered in and out of all the rooms, bounced on the bed and fiddled with stuff.

shockthemonkey · 04/04/2015 14:14

Yes I was going to say (from just reading the thread title) that my neighbour ASKS me to visit each room to do the shutters and curtains thing.

I touch door handles, shutters and curtains only. And stroke the cat (he gets lonely) sitting on the kitchen floor.

That is definitely out of order. Can't believe she could have thought it OK.

shrunkenhead · 04/04/2015 14:36

I just can't believe the mother didn't do the "stay with me, no touching anything" speech!? Like we all did/do with little ones when in shops/other people's houses etc

sunflower49 · 04/04/2015 15:11

I think that's outrageous!

Yes use the loo and get yourself a drink of water if required but that's about it! I'd be very upset and fuming!

SquareTheCircle · 04/04/2015 16:09

Did she have friends to stay and put then up in your house?

Kampeki · 04/04/2015 16:13

yadnbu!

I have my neighbour's key at the moment, wouldn't dream of using it to snoop around. What an abuse of your trust. :(

TiggyOBE · 04/04/2015 16:14

I guessed this would be about moving vases or some such minor stuff. How wrong I was. She needs to be stabbed through the eye socket with an icicle of frozen urine.

TowerRavenSeven · 04/04/2015 16:24

YANBU at all! When I feed our neighbors dog I am in kitchen and that's it, because that is where the dog food is. I would feel very violated if I were you.