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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

o believe someone feeding our pet for 2 days does not have to go into every room in the house

104 replies

Pebbles69 · 03/04/2015 00:13

ok, so I am often asked to feed my neighbours cats when they are away, no problem, she gives me the key. I pop in feed the cats in the morning and call in at dinner time and get them in and feed them , no problem. I sometimes bring my youngest daughter who stays with me at all times, straight in, straight out.

So we now have a pet rabbit, he has a hutch in the garden and a run in the house to run around. Neighbour offered to feed bunny whilst we were away, great I think. so I give her the keys. My kids and hubbie genuinely have OCD so are a little obsessive about where things are placed etc, not a problem I feel as she will only be popping in to feed rabbit , so no need what so ever to go anywhere else in the house.

Only we arrive home earlier than expected to find her in the house with her daughter ( no problem, lovely to see she has been taking care of bunny) only when she has left we discover she has been on all 3 floors of the house, her daughter has marked the wall s and stuck stickers ever where, has been in my teenage daughters room and emptied her perfumes, stiil stinks of perfume, has been in the other 2 kids rooms and trashed them, also discover someone has been in our bedroom on the middle floor including pulled back bedding etc and go into our study.

Am I being unreasonable in thinking she has abused our privacy?

OP posts:
TwoOddSocks · 03/04/2015 09:47

That's insane. Usually I'm inclined to think if someone's doing you a favour you should roll with the punches but that's totally weird. How did the daughter have enough time roaming the house on her own to make all of that mess. They must have been using your house to stay/hang out in. It's still very strange - how did they think you weren't going to notice the perfume?

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 03/04/2015 09:52

I'd be fucking furious?

Have you spoken to the neighbour yet?

icelollycraving · 03/04/2015 09:56

Usually if someone is helping you out & not charging I'd keep my mouth shut. I would call her & say you think you may have had a break in or has a teenager had the keys for example. They may have been using your house for illicit shagging. I would be very upset. Flowers

EnlightenedOwl · 03/04/2015 09:59

I'd get your locks changed

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 03/04/2015 10:04

If nobody else has an emergency key and you are certain it's them why did the neighbour let her DD roam around? That nosiness is annoying, that level of mess is unacceptable. As suggested upthread I would be tempted to go round say you think you have had a break in because some kids have trashed your house and you're minded to call the police.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 03/04/2015 10:04

I wouldn't like this either, that's outrageous. Get your keys back, OP, and don't ask her to feed your pets again. I wouldn't bother with the faux-break-in thing myself, I'd just say, "The house is a bit of a mess, how did that happen exactly?". There's nothing she can say really, so much damage and you have no idea exactly where she's been in the house and what she's done unless she's left a trail.

I wouldn't be convinced it was just the young child either. Most parents would keep an accompanying child with them and issue strict 'Don't touch!' instructions. This neighbour doesn't do that so presumably had a good nose around your house as well.

Hakluyt · 03/04/2015 10:05

I must admit that I would probably find it hard to resist a quick look round Blush but that is outrageous. Are you absolutely sure it was them? You don't have a teenager who was staying with a friend? Rather odd burglar?

BinaryBunny · 03/04/2015 10:06

Definitely tell her you've called the police because it looks like a robbery.

See if she squirms...

OhWotIsItThisTime · 03/04/2015 10:07

Check your booze supplies. Sounds like maybe she hung out at yours and let her kid wander, unsupervised.

You do need to speak to her about it.

gamerchick · 03/04/2015 10:07

Actually I like the police idea as a way to confront. Go around and ask if they've noticed anything as all the rooms are trashed and you think there's been a break in. Tell them you're ringing the police who will want a word.

she may cough up.. then you can suspend all animal duties and bill her for damage.

TalkinPeace · 03/04/2015 10:08

YANBU

When I look after neighbours houses ( and when they do mine ) I do go into every room - but that is because they have house plants that need checking and the agreement is that we open and close doors to make them look lived in
BUT
nothing is touched other than what has been agreed
any sort of damage is UTTERLY beyond the pale.

Even when I had people allowed to use the garden for evenings while we were away I expected them to leave everything as they found it.

moomoo1967 · 03/04/2015 10:12

YANBU and I like the idea of saying that it looked like you had been burgled and have called the police Grin

Gileswithachainsaw · 03/04/2015 10:13

I cane on here to say y were probably being a BU and that when I fed friends cat I did make sure I'd actually found the cats and there hadn't been any accidents. (cats can sometimes be stressed by strangers and I just wanted to make sure they'd come home after being out all night. and that the poor sods didn't get back from.holiday to find cat shit/piss in their beds)

but I wasn't looking at the rooms I was finding the cats and good job i checked to be case one had pooed upstairs.

but it's a rabbit in a hutch and no need to go looking round house so y a definitely NBU and they are awful for making such a mess

echt · 03/04/2015 10:14

As a matter of course, whenever I've been given the keys to pet/house watch/ plant water I've checked every room for security, e.g. windows/door left open/unlocked. And told the NDNs I've done this.

The very idea of using/exploring those room is well out of order.

You do have to front her about the misuse, OP.

DancingDinosaur · 03/04/2015 10:15

Are you sure you haven't had a break in? That is really odd behaviour.

BrieAndChilli · 03/04/2015 10:19

I admit I would have a 'nose' as I am obsessed with house layouts and decor but I wouldt touch anything /look in anything. It would be purely to see layout and imagine what I would do with te place if I live there!
I would be fuming and definitely would confront her

Sparklingbrook · 03/04/2015 10:22

I would not dream of having a nose or going anywhere other than what was required to care for the animal.
It is possible to set your burglar alarms and exclude certain zones too so opening the wrong door could be a bit embarrassing.

I would also have to go back and check I had locked up properly a million times. Blush

pluCaChange · 03/04/2015 10:30

I wouldn't expect that level of damage and interference from the worst playdate! The office is the most worrying thing: WTF were they doing in there? That's not even something you can blame on a child. Definitely time to change locks and banking passwords, and tell off your neighbour.

Patapouf · 03/04/2015 10:36

Shock I feel faint at the thought. That's beyond cheeky, she's violated your space.
Bill her for damage and have a stern word. That would be the end of any contact for me frankly.

zipzap · 03/04/2015 11:03

I'd just tell her that you're gutted that she didn't see fit to respect your house like you've always respected her house and how on earth can she justify the stickers, the perfume etc etc. I'd also ask her what she's going to do to make things better - remove stickers and replace the perfume etc.

Did you take photos of how you found it? Or how you left it?

And have you checked that all your valuables are there? And particularly if everything of your dd's is there - that none of here treasures or Knickknacks or belongings have gone, even seemingly small or inexpensive things that could have been easily pocketed as a little trophy.

Original poster
Pebbles69 · 03/04/2015 12:00

Thank you for all the replies.

No one else has a key so it was definitely her. Everything she could have possibly needed was laid out in the kitchen, there was definetly no reason to go anywhere else in the house. Every door had been closed and double checked as my husband has an OCD about doors being closed.

I am not worried about the damage so much, easy to fix, peel off stickers magic sponge the marks etc. It's the fact that she allowed her daughter to do this. There really wasn't any reason to be in the house for more than about 5 mins a day.

I think I will send her a link to this thread and leave it at that.

Thank you once again

OP posts:
DontOpenDeadInside · 03/04/2015 12:06

Did you confront her about it? What did she say?

SoupDreggon · 03/04/2015 12:09

I think I will send her a link to this thread and leave it at that.

Or, you could just talk to her.

icelollycraving · 03/04/2015 12:25

No,don't send her a link Shock.
Do people really do that?!

itsnotmeitsyou1 · 03/04/2015 12:46

I looked after animals for people before. I did have to check bedrooms as the cat was very shy. However, I would never go though personal belongings, or go anywhere I did not need to go. I treat other people's homes the way I'd want them to treat mine. You need to talk to her. Face to face. How old is her daughter? I'd have her around to fix the damage, better be with a groveling apology (and a load of Easter eggs).