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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

o believe someone feeding our pet for 2 days does not have to go into every room in the house

104 replies

Pebbles69 · 03/04/2015 00:13

ok, so I am often asked to feed my neighbours cats when they are away, no problem, she gives me the key. I pop in feed the cats in the morning and call in at dinner time and get them in and feed them , no problem. I sometimes bring my youngest daughter who stays with me at all times, straight in, straight out.

So we now have a pet rabbit, he has a hutch in the garden and a run in the house to run around. Neighbour offered to feed bunny whilst we were away, great I think. so I give her the keys. My kids and hubbie genuinely have OCD so are a little obsessive about where things are placed etc, not a problem I feel as she will only be popping in to feed rabbit , so no need what so ever to go anywhere else in the house.

Only we arrive home earlier than expected to find her in the house with her daughter ( no problem, lovely to see she has been taking care of bunny) only when she has left we discover she has been on all 3 floors of the house, her daughter has marked the wall s and stuck stickers ever where, has been in my teenage daughters room and emptied her perfumes, stiil stinks of perfume, has been in the other 2 kids rooms and trashed them, also discover someone has been in our bedroom on the middle floor including pulled back bedding etc and go into our study.

Am I being unreasonable in thinking she has abused our privacy?

OP posts:

Nanny0gg · 03/04/2015 12:50

You can't send her a link!

Speak to her!

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 03/04/2015 12:53

Speak to her, sending a link is just daft!

Original poster

Pebbles69 · 03/04/2015 13:32

yes you are probably right, I think I will have a chat with her, clear the air. She wont be having a key again though.

OP posts:

Only1scoop · 03/04/2015 13:34

Surely you were joking re the link

Hissy · 03/04/2015 13:40

Why did you not call her round and ask her what the fuck on earth had been allowed to happen and wtf was she going to do about it.

There is no excuse for this!

I fed neighbours cats, and I did PPP upstairs after a day or so, just as well I did as cat had been using bathroom floor as a toilet. So I did what I could do to prevent the damage etc, and cleared up. But that was it.

Her child stuck stickers and she didn't stop it, rectify it, or possibly even know about it. That's so wrong!

straighttothepoint · 03/04/2015 13:43

Take photos!! For her, not us!

Patapouf · 03/04/2015 13:46

I don't see the problem with sending her a link actually. She clearly thinks her behaviour is okay and the thread would very much show her otherwise.

Gruntfuttock · 03/04/2015 13:55

I can't understand why you haven't spoken to your neighbour already, OP. I would have gone round there as soon as I discovered what she'd done. It's outrageous.

MythicalChicken · 03/04/2015 14:02

I just asked DH what he thought about this and he told me that when he was around 20, he was tasked with going in and feeding/walking his boss's dog whilst he was in holiday. DH actually moved in for 3 weeks with his girlfriend . His boss went mad, unsurprisingly.

lemonyone · 03/04/2015 14:08

Thank God you're not sending her the link! That would be a terrible way of dealing with this problem.

Personally, I would simply thank her for looking after the rabbit and take your key back and not say anything, only because I like a quiet life. She has looked after the rabbit well, which would be gold-dust to me, so I'd think about getting moving the cage to her back garden or something if you need the rabbit looking after again, but not letting her have access to your house again.

binspin · 03/04/2015 14:18

My friend has 6 cats. When I go in to feed them I occasionally hunt for the older one if I've not seen about for a few days but wouldn't dream of snooping around.

Gruntfuttock · 03/04/2015 14:24

lemonyone Seriously? You read:-
"she has been on all 3 floors of the house, her daughter has marked the wall s and stuck stickers ever where, has been in my teenage daughters room and emptied her perfumes, stiil stinks of perfume, has been in the other 2 kids rooms and trashed them, also discover someone has been in our bedroom on the middle floor including pulled back bedding etc and go into our study."

and you wouldn't say anything?

StayingSamVimesGirl · 03/04/2015 14:26

Sod 'clearing the air' - you need to ask her what the actual buggering fuck she thought she was doing, treating your house with such disrespect!

flanjabelle · 03/04/2015 14:30

This is awful!! I can't understand how someone would think this is acceptable behaviour in a neighbours home?!?!

lemonyone · 03/04/2015 14:35

Gruntfuttock - I definitely wouldn't be happy about it! But I'm not very confrontational, so I'd probably just rather stew a bit and then leave it. But that's just me, which is why I prefaced my post with 'personally'.

IDontDoIroning · 03/04/2015 14:35

You have to say something. It's completely disrespectful.
It's one thing to pop your head into a room to check windows are shut , lights off taps aren't running etc, but her daughter must have been unsupervised in your home for quite some time to go into every room and do what you have described. Maybe she was interested in your dd's room but to damage her property is really off and pulling back the bedclothes - why on earth would she want to do that. I think when you tell her you should consider asking her to replace the perfume as well.
How old is the daughter ? If she's under 5 she might not have known what she was doing was wrong if nearer 10 then she should.
Your neighbour may either genuinely not know, or she may know but was hoping to clear up before you returned. However I wouldn't look after her cat in future and woukd never ask her to look after the bunny ever again.

lemonyone · 03/04/2015 14:40

Actually, a tiny part of this happened with me and my DD. I was looking after NDN DD (5) after school. I hadn't realised until she'd left that she'd 'tattooed' 7 of my DDs Barbies on their faces. I couldn't get the ink off. I decided not to tell the NDN and just buy my DD new Barbies and never look after the DD again. Still on really good terms with NDN and we do favours for each other often. Perhaps I should have said something, but I'm a bit of a coward and like a quiet life.
But…I would be a little more than uncomfortable about the NDN going in my study.

AuntieDee · 03/04/2015 14:41

I'd approach it by saying 'You probably don't reaslise, but your daughter has been putting stickers in inappropriate places and spraying expensive perfume. I just thought I'd let you know so you can explain to her that this isn't appropriate behaviour.'

She will of course have known her child was rooting about as no doubt she stunk!

I also like the idea of the police - ask her if she saw any suspicious activity as the house has been trashed and some jewelry is missing. It might prompt her to question just what her daughter was doing give her a rollocking.

YANBU and I would end the pet sitting arrangement...

ImperialBlether · 03/04/2015 15:02

How old is her daughter?

Original poster

Pebbles69 · 03/04/2015 17:07

Her daughter is only 3 and 1/2 I don't blame the daughter ,I am unhappy that her mum was doing god knows what whilst her daughter was left to play alone long enough to do all this.

I haven't seen her yet as I have been out and so has she but I will be making a point of telling her how disrespectful I feel she has treated my home.

OP posts:

icelollycraving · 03/04/2015 17:35

Do you have Sky & she doesn't? Maybe she was watching tv whilst her dd was left to wander.

ilovemargaretatwood8931 · 03/04/2015 18:01

God, what a thing for her to do (and allow her DD to do)...

Glad you're going to speak to her, but I am wondering what her sense of boundaries is like, because of her sheer level of invasiveness in your home- so I wonder if she'll understand just how out of line she's been?

You might have to really spell out to her the extent of the damage/ invasiveness/ boundaries crossed, listing it all carefully, and also asking why on earth your bedclothes had been moved in particular.

I'd suggest that if she minimises the issue/ denies she's done anything wrong / ignores you/ laughs it off, then DO think about showing her the thread!

I find the pulling back of your bedclothes very odd, and her allowing the daughter to use the perfume and then not acknowledging that she'd done so is so rude.

Good luck to you!

ImperialBlether · 03/04/2015 18:57

I'm amazed at such a little girl going so far from her mum. I just don't believe she'd go up to the third floor of someone's house on her own and cause that damage. And why would a three year old pull back bedding?

Whereabouts are the stickers? Are they within her height range?

Does the neighbour have other children?

SoupDreggon · 03/04/2015 19:17

I'm amazed at such a little girl going so far from her mum.

Any one of my 3 DC would have been happy to wander away from me.

LoofahVanDross · 03/04/2015 19:25

Something not adding up here

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