Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

To think these parents should have got off their arses!

102 replies

widdle · 01/04/2015 15:22

Yesterday I took my DS 20 months to the park. It wasn't very busy and is a biggish park. He was playing on a small slide when a little boy of about 3 or 4 came up and was being a bit aggressive. Not physical contact but pushing his chest out and pushing his face into my DS's. My DS didn't seem bothered - more curious really so I didn't do anything.

Anyway later on the same boy was on a bigger slide (one that has lots of platforms and tunnels). My DS went onto this slide and was going to go through a tunnel when the little boy came up to the tunnel on the other side and started being aggressive again, pushing his face into my DS's. So I said "Could you please not do that?" quite loudly, which was ignored so then "Could you please get out of the way?"

He said "But I want to get through the tunnel" and I told him that my DS was there first and that it wasn''t polite to block the way. To which he completely ignored me and then lay in the tunnel with his feet pointing towards DS.

At this point I was pissed off and took DS away.

This little boy's parents were sat down right next to the slide and they could definitely hear me as the mother was looking straight at me. AIBU to think that they should have got up and actually tried to control their little bantam cock of a child? Is this the done thing now? Just ignore your kid? Or am I an overbearing helicopter parent?

I know it's not a big deal but it really pissed me off!!

OP posts:

catnipkitty · 01/04/2015 18:40

I agree, annoying situation, but you'll have to get used to it, this kind of thing will happen everywhere...soft play, swimming pool, hands on museums...

TwoOddSocks · 01/04/2015 18:41

Are you sure he was even being aggressive? My almost 3 year old (who is huge and looks 3-4) "gets in other kids face's", just because he's curious and wants to make friends. I only stop him if the other kid is upset. I'd probably move him off if he was actually blocking the tunnel for a long time but trying to rigidly enforce first come first served among a group of toddlers doesn't work. Usually the bigger, quicker boys shove past my son on the climbing frames, it's much quicker to just let them go rather than ending up in a stand off.

hiccupgirl · 01/04/2015 18:43

IME 3 yr olds are the worse of all because they have usually have all the physical and verbal skills to do what they want but have little concept of sharing, taking turns, being kind etc. Most 3 yr olds are mini megalomaniacs tbh.

I agree the parents should have stepped in but YABU to describe a 3-4 yr old in that way when it's quite normal behaviour for most of them.

madreloco · 01/04/2015 19:37

You don't think its horrible to call a toddler aggressive and intimidating? I do. He was just being a normal toddler.
And since you ask, yes, you are an overbearing helicopter parent.

squishinglittlefatcheeks · 01/04/2015 19:47

Being 3 doesn't stop a person being aggressive. I think it matters a lot that the OP's child was significantly younger than the other child. If they were the same age it would be different

Artandco · 01/04/2015 19:56

Tbh I probably wouldnt have got up either. Usually I head to a quiet park so little ones can play whilst I work on laptop. I intervene if they are playing rough but tbh they know they rule is be kind and polite on you get to sit on bench next to mummy working instead of playing.

In an under 5 playground I haven't followed them around since they could toddle. I watch from a distance unless stuck/ need help/ being impolite. If I wanted to follow them around I would go to an art gallery or farm, not a play park

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 01/04/2015 20:03

you are an overbearing helicopter parent., still harsh!

Her boy is 20 months old, I'm sure I helicoptered all of mine at that age, nothing to be ashamed of, I was never overbearing though

Gileswithachainsaw · 01/04/2015 20:06

I think there's a difference between providing the correct level of supervision for your child's age, ability, agility, danger awareness and behaviour and being a helicopter parent.

Sixgeese · 01/04/2015 20:12

I knew what you meant by Bantam Cock and I am a Londoner, probably helps that I had Grandparents that kept hens and cocks.

I can remember Jimmy (their Cockerel) strutting around the yard with his chest push out, acting as if he owned the place, and I can imagine a child doing exactly that a playground.

BitOutOfPractice · 01/04/2015 20:14

widdle glad you're not stressed

But seriously, the boy was just acting like a 3yo. I think you are projecting the actions and emotions of a much older child on him, possibly because of what your brother experienced.

Dare I hazard a guess that your DS is your first? (sorry if that's patronising - I usually hate that question) but if he is I suggest you bookmark this thread to read in two years time so you can eat some humble pie! Again, I say that with humour as I think you sound lovely

Original poster

widdle · 01/04/2015 20:21

Ha ha! Thanks Bitoutofpractice yes he is my PFB! And fully aware of (dreading) the toddler years ahead!

Madreloco - no quite honestly I don't think those are horrible words to use, just descriptive. And you'll see that throughout my replies I've never blamed the child for normal toddler behaviour. But I am saying that just because it is normal toddler behaviour doesn't mean that it is acceptable behaviour and shouldn't be picked up on and corrected.

SixGeese wish I hadn't used that word now - I seem to have offended a few people! (I still think it's a good description though)

OP posts:

BitOutOfPractice · 01/04/2015 20:25

Of course unacceptable behaviour (if it were unacceptable in this case - a moot point) should be corrected. Just not by you if it's not your child.

Imagine if your DS behaved badly (perish the thought!!) and another mother reprimanded him! How would you feel? And don't say "I'd welcome the input" because I don't believe you

If his parents decide he doesn't need to be corrected, there's not a fat lot you can do but shrug and remove your child.

BitOutOfPractice · 01/04/2015 20:26

And yes, I do know how much that rankles!

Original poster

widdle · 01/04/2015 20:32

Yes - that's what I did BitOut - it was time to go home anyway. Did have a grumble to DH about it though His reaction was a lot more errrrm robust than mine.

OP posts:

YourMaNoBraBackOfMyCar · 01/04/2015 20:38

Oh god, dd2 has been that boy you speak of. It really is exhausting and when she was that age I was always ready to jump up to make her move but occasionally I may have taken my eye off the ball... I'd hope you'd realise it's just kids being kids and breeze past it. God knows I had to before she came along and I had two perfectly behaved children to contend with who would gladly step aside on the slide, give up their swings and just walk away from anyone being a nuisance. When dd2 came along I wished I'd cut more slack to those bastard parents sat there while their kid tortured my kid. :o

BitOutOfPractice · 01/04/2015 20:42

Well then widdle you've learned a valuable parenting lesson today

SuggestmeaUsername · 01/04/2015 20:52

YANBU the only way kids will learn to behave correctly is to be told when they are doing wrong. the 3 year old's parents should have told him off and sadly it sounds like the boy has no direction or guidance on how to behave properly. You were entirely reasonable to tell the boy to stop blocking your son's way. and your son is only 20 months so is quite right for you to watch over him in the park

Gralick · 01/04/2015 21:01

Seriously

"You must not lie down in the tunnel if another child wants to come through."
"Yes, you can lie down in the tunnel if there aren't any other children wanting to come through."
"No, you must still not lie down in the tunnel if the other child's bigger than you."
"You should take care not to frighten children who are smaller than you."
"No, WiddleDS did not look frightened."
"No, that doesn't make it all right to lie down and block his way."
"If another child wants to come through, you should let them pass or go through the tunnel quickly so they can have their turn."

And you wonder why they didn't say anything?! They were enjoying their eleven seconds of peace.

Gralick · 01/04/2015 21:03

... and I didn't even bother with the answers to "But WHY?"

Dieu · 01/04/2015 21:05

YANBU

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 01/04/2015 22:01

I get your point you're a protective mum, but kids are kids and these instances will happen more and more.
You just have to let things go over your head, sometimes. Or you'd end up having a nervous break down. I agree about picking your battles.
Not nice though o. P what you called the other child. You can't do that. Their child is as precious and gorgeous to them as your child is to you.

Scholes34 · 01/04/2015 22:31

The person in the lighthouse with the ghost is spot on.

Kiwiinkits · 01/04/2015 22:58

PFB.

Wait until your kid is 3. Then you'll see.

Joyfulleastersquad · 01/04/2015 23:03

kiwi my eldest is 19. She never went round hitting other kids. Ever.

Joyfulleastersquad · 01/04/2015 23:05

Wrong thread

Flip

1 2 3 4 5