Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have told DP that I don't think we can afford to take the 'kids' out this weekend?

62 replies

JeanetteBetty · 31/03/2015 14:29

DP wants us to take "the kids" out this weekend. I say "kids" as they're actually 14, 18 and 19. Mine is the 14 year old. His are the elder two. The arrangement is that they visit every weekend but understandably because of their ages this is becoming less and less. However DP clings on to this vision of them being 10 years old and can't understand why they don't want to spend EVERY saturday night sat with us Hmm.

So he's basically thinking up ways to encourage them to come. His latest one is that he wants us to take them all to a trampoline park at weekend. It will cost us over £50 at least.

This month we are struggling on one wage. Have £400 to find for car insurance, money for an MOT and we may need to find £400 for something else which he also wants to go to. Last weekend he spent almost £100 on a night out. We're also spending money on doing up the bathroom and also supposed to be saving up for our wedding.

I suggested that instead, we save the trampoline park for next month when it is his sons 18th, we could make a bigger deal out of it and encorporate itt with a meal etc. He's said "no, we've not done anything with the kids in ages". (That's because they're almost bloody adults!!!!)

Anyway, apart from the fact that they're adults and IMO shouldn't need entertaining every weekend - AIBU to worry about doing something else which will cost over £50 at least when we have so many other financial commitments this month?

OP posts:
Agirlworthfightingfor · 31/03/2015 14:30

YANBU

seriouslypeedoff · 31/03/2015 14:33

Yanbu....but it seems an on going problem. I think he is bu spending £100 on night out when money is tight. Maybe if he hadn't done that £50 this weekend wouldn't feel as such a hit.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 31/03/2015 14:33

Whose wage is it you are struggling on, and is the non wager earner making steps to find work?

I cant blame him for wanting to do something nice as a family, and if it has been ages since he spent time with them then I can understand his point of view.

Id point out though that its £50 less available for his thing he wants to do which will be £400.

callamia · 31/03/2015 14:34

Do they want to go to a trampoline park? Will it not be full of kids? I'm sure your 14 year old might have fun, but 18 and 19? With parents rather than friends? Takeaway and a film?

seriouslypeedoff · 31/03/2015 14:34

If money is tight, what does he want to do that will cost £400?

honeyroar · 31/03/2015 14:34

No you're not, but it's good that he wants to see his kids too. How about going somewhere new for a walk and a chippy tea afterwards?

LaurieFairyCake · 31/03/2015 14:35

Maybe if you'd only spent 50 last weekend then you'd have 50 this weekend?

Was it an unavoidable 100 Grin?

noblegiraffe · 31/03/2015 14:35

He wants an 18 and 19 year old to go to the trampoline park with their dad? Sounds like social death Confused

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 31/03/2015 14:36

YANBU over the money. What is he prepared to give up to fund it?

Also would an 18 & 19 YO want to go to a trampoline park?

3littlefrogs · 31/03/2015 14:36

Are you sure you want to marry this person?
He sounds extremely hard work and very annoying.

Original poster
JeanetteBetty · 31/03/2015 14:36

We often go for walks etc so his "we never do anything with the kids" is crap to be honest. Only 2 weeks ago we went for a walk with his son.

OP posts:
FenellaFellorick · 31/03/2015 14:36

he thinks an 18 yr old and a 19 yr old would want to go to a trampoline park?

Wouldn't they feel stupid at a place for kids?

If he wants to do stuff that costs, he is of course free to sacrifice that £400 thing he wants to go to.

Original poster
JeanetteBetty · 31/03/2015 14:37

It wasn't me that spent £100 on a night out, it was him. When I go out (very rare) I never spend more than £30/£40.

OP posts:
TheWitTank · 31/03/2015 14:46

I would have died at the thought of going to a trampoline park with my parents as a late teen. It will be full of kids won't it? Is he expecting them to be bouncing about shouting "watch me Dadeeeee! " while he stares on adoringly?! How about he asks what they would like to do? Their choice of film and a takeaway maybe?

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 31/03/2015 14:50

Is it the new one in Manchester? Looks amazing and not at all a place thatd be full of little kids. They hire it for stag and hen groups too.

Mrsstarlord · 31/03/2015 14:51

It sounds like he really wants to maintain a relationship with his kids. It is hard as they get older but if his are anything like ours, just tell them you are cooking a roast dinner - you won't be able to get rid of them!

Seriously, a regular family meal is a real draw for older kids and adults and needn't cost the earth. Just text / message them and say. We are having everyone over for a roast on Sunday afternoon, would be lovely to see you.

I agree that planning trips sounds a bit 'young' but I can see why he is fixed on it.

mamapants · 31/03/2015 14:52

I think you are coming across as quite spiteful and dismissive with all this kids inverted commas business.
The fact he doesn't want to lose his relationship with his children as they grow older is a good thing. And sometimes you do need to put in more effort to keep a relationship going.

I do agree if you are struggling financially that all expenses should be looked at - nights out, activities for the children and whatever the other thing is have to be prioritised or done more frugally.

BlueBananas · 31/03/2015 14:54

Why don't you ask the "kids" what they want to do?
At 19 I was a mother! Can't imagine many 19 year olds wanting to go trampolining with their dad at the weekends Hmm

ImperialBlether · 31/03/2015 14:56

Yes, mamapants, but on limited funds (limited because he's spending the money) they just don't have enough money for the children to be trampolining.

MrsGrimes · 31/03/2015 14:57

Have you posted before about this OP? Someone very recently posted about the same situation. DP having his adult children over every weekend.

Paddingtonthebear · 31/03/2015 14:57

Going to a trampoline park at 18 and 19 with your parents and younger sibling? Would they really be interested in that? Tbh i would have thought that was a bit babyish for a 14 year old!

Could you go out for a family lunch or just have them over for dinner? Bless your partner for wanting to spend time with them but I think he needs to let them live a bit - I was renting a flat with my boyfriend by 19 years of age!

no73 · 31/03/2015 14:59

No way would I have gone to a trampoline park at 14 let alone 18 and 19!! How bizarre that he thinks thats what they want to do.

Stick to your guns, they are adults and don't need constant entertaining.

mamapants · 31/03/2015 15:00

I said that already imperial.
My point is that you seem to be taking issue with the fact he wants to do with his kids whereas it's his overspending in general that is the problem

Original poster
JeanetteBetty · 31/03/2015 15:05

No it's rare that they come over every weekend these days. The 14 year old probably will think it's too babyish. I can't see any of them wanting to go to be honest or I can imagine the scenario where we get there and the 3 of them stand there looking awkward because they're too embarrassed to go in.

I too was living on my own at 19. My father was in the army at 17!! I might come across a bit spiteful but it does grate on me that a 6ft 1in man is treated like a child with day trips, milk shakes and having food taken up to his room by his father. It's just bloody stupid but I've learnt to detach from most of it - I do still however get a bit pissed off when we're struggling for money and DP is all like "oo let's take the children out!" as if they're little kids that need entertaining. Like others have said, going for a drive and a walk etc I'm fine with! it's the money that worries me and it's not as if I'm saying all the money should be spent on my kids - I don't want to take mine either, we just can't afford these extra jollys at the moment.

OP posts:
AgentProvocateur · 31/03/2015 15:11

I presume by trampoline park, you mean Ryze or one of these places for adults? My DC are a similar age, and we do still take them out for dinner / theatre / skiing. There's not an age set in stone when you need to stop taking them out. I think it's nice that's he got such a good relationship with them. You say only one of you is earning - is it you? The conversation you should be having is why the other isn't contributing financially; not why he's spending money on his children.