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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have told DP that I don't think we can afford to take the 'kids' out this weekend?

62 replies

JeanetteBetty · 31/03/2015 14:29

DP wants us to take "the kids" out this weekend. I say "kids" as they're actually 14, 18 and 19. Mine is the 14 year old. His are the elder two. The arrangement is that they visit every weekend but understandably because of their ages this is becoming less and less. However DP clings on to this vision of them being 10 years old and can't understand why they don't want to spend EVERY saturday night sat with us Hmm.

So he's basically thinking up ways to encourage them to come. His latest one is that he wants us to take them all to a trampoline park at weekend. It will cost us over £50 at least.

This month we are struggling on one wage. Have £400 to find for car insurance, money for an MOT and we may need to find £400 for something else which he also wants to go to. Last weekend he spent almost £100 on a night out. We're also spending money on doing up the bathroom and also supposed to be saving up for our wedding.

I suggested that instead, we save the trampoline park for next month when it is his sons 18th, we could make a bigger deal out of it and encorporate itt with a meal etc. He's said "no, we've not done anything with the kids in ages". (That's because they're almost bloody adults!!!!)

Anyway, apart from the fact that they're adults and IMO shouldn't need entertaining every weekend - AIBU to worry about doing something else which will cost over £50 at least when we have so many other financial commitments this month?

OP posts:
rookiemere · 31/03/2015 17:28

Why is there just one wage coming in? Have you and DP talked about managing finances during this period?

I would have much more of an issue if my DP spent £100 on a night out when we were skint, than him wanting to do an activity with the family that cost £50. Your core issue is that your DP is spending money that simply isn't there and seems to feel entitled to do it.

waithorse · 31/03/2015 18:27

YANBU. Would they even want to go to a trampoline park with there dad and his dp ?

sanfairyanne · 31/03/2015 18:41

how tight are finances? maybe he doesnt see finances as being as tight as you, but hard to say on here who is right. trampolining is awesome though - v popular with teens and adults round here

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 31/03/2015 18:42

rookie
The OP has explained in her post at 15.16 why there is only one wage and why it makes sense to defer the expense of the trip out to next month when there will be more cash available.

rookiemere · 31/03/2015 18:45

Thanks chaz didn't see that re the finances.

woollytights · 01/04/2015 06:48

I feel sorry for him. Its not up to you to decide whether he does enough with his children (that walk you went on 2 weeks ago, seriously?).

Does your own child live with you OP? Does anyone else posting on here realise how difficult it could be to live separately from your children then watch them become independent adults when you might not have had the chance to always be around while they grew up? Some bloody nasty people posting as usual. Advice to leave him, really?! Over him wanting to spend money and time on his children? Do you think saving for your wedding party should be more important than him making memories and having fun with his family. I actually am pretty astonished at how spiteful mumsnet is becoming.

antumbra · 01/04/2015 06:59

I agree woolly. A walk 2 weeks ago isn't much.
If the SC are visiting they need a focus and I agree about the Sunday roast thing. Ideally cooked by OH, it can be a focus for the weekend.

Most teenagers can be tempted by grub, and there is opportunity to talk too.

Feminine · 01/04/2015 07:12

I don't think it matters that he refers to them as "kids"
My in-laws do this. I am 43 and Dh is 56!
Grin
They are American, and not so hung up.

Anyway... I suggest he asks his children what they'd like to do. This way, he will start to get a better feeling for the type of things they'd enjoy right now.

It isn't so unusualto do things with adult kids (by the way) l knew/know plenty that do.

Not all families 'split' away at various ages.

RebootYourEngine · 01/04/2015 07:59

YANBU i would be annoyed if my partner wanted to spend money that we didnt have on somrthing that could be done in a months time when money was better.

Sethspeaks · 01/04/2015 08:10

Good post wooly, you've summed up what I was thinking. The walk 2 weeks ago had jumped out at me too, as did my feeling that him seeing his children was being postponed. I just wanted to be sure I hadn't misread.

I feel for him too. He just wants to see his children.

And he's not a freeloader or taking the piss financially, he works while she studies. And has an equal say in how their household budget is spent.

I think this is where he is coming from with the op, and as she doesn't see it that way that is why they are arguing about it.

shewept · 01/04/2015 08:18

I don't think this about the OP not wanting her dh to spend time with the kids. Unfortunately whether your kids live with you or not if you can't afford something, you can't afford something.

If he was so desperate to do something this weekend with his kids, he could have not spent so much last weekend, for example. Besides which, by the sounds of it, the dad wants to go but the kids aren't fussed.

So a grown man wants to spend £50 they don't have doing something the kids don't want to, when money is tight.byes both the OP and DH should get a say in how money is spent. But if you look at the OP there is more than enough money going on what he wants. He needs to tighten his belt somewhere.

PtolemysNeedle · 01/04/2015 08:38

It sounds like they do have the money though, they just have different priorities on where it's spent.

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