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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To reuse my engagement ring?

58 replies

Twink · 30/03/2015 21:10

I've been widowed for over 5 years and have been seeing a guy for the last 3 years. We're very happy together and have decided we want to get married. I have a beautiful diamond solitaire engagement ring from my husband which I currently don't wear but if I were to choose a ring today, it would be identical. Would it be wierd to reuse it?

OP posts:
wheresthelight · 30/03/2015 21:11

what does your partner think about it as really his is the only opinion that actually matters.

that said I would find it a bit weird sorry

Cantbelievethisishappening · 30/03/2015 21:12

YABU
It would be weird.

reni1 · 30/03/2015 21:14

Does it fit on the other hand? I'd certainly wear it. Nothing wrong with re-using it either.

Discounted · 30/03/2015 21:15

Yes. I think you should be able to wear the ring, if you want to, on the other hand, but to use it to mark your engagement to another man would be weird IMO.

In your position, I probably wouldn't bother with an engagement ring TBH

DieDeutschLehrerin · 30/03/2015 21:16

Could he have the stone set in a new band? I sort of union of past and future?

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 30/03/2015 21:16

You can't reuse it as an engagement ring to mark your engagement to the new man. That's weird. You can wear it on the other hand though.

NoPillows · 30/03/2015 21:17

I'd also feel about weird about the whole thing. Some years ago I was seeing a man who continued to wear the engagement ring that represented his union with his then ex-Fiancee. It didn't sit right with me and I asked him to remove it. By all means do keep the ring but don't reuse it. Flowers

MyCatIsAGit · 30/03/2015 21:17

Use it if your df doesn't mind. Your hubands memory is always going to be there.

EponasWildDaughter · 30/03/2015 21:18

I think if i had proposed to a bloke who said yes, but wanted to use his old wedding ring with me i'd not be happy.

Men don't wear engagement rings, so this is the nearest role reversal.

Why don't you just wear the ring sometimes on another finger? Make no big deal of it.

CaptainAnkles · 30/03/2015 21:19

Sell it and get a new one.

Charlotte3333 · 30/03/2015 21:19

Oh that's a strange one. I wouldn't, because an engagement ring is something incredibly personal and poignant, but I guess if you're both happy with it there's no issue.

My Mum has quite a few engagement rings from when she was younger. She keeps them all in a row in her jewellery box. I often wonder what her new DH thinks to this little line of 12 diamond rings. Women are odd creatures.

TheCraicDealer · 30/03/2015 21:20

Nah, not ok. There's no reason you couldn't wear the solitaire on your right hand, or have it reset into a pendant. But to use it as your new engagement ring....if I were your fiancé id be wondering if you were quite ready to let go of the past. I wouldn't want the symbol of our impending union to be the ring your first DH picked.

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 30/03/2015 21:20

I'm honestly unsure. Go with what you feel is right for you. It's too personal to be influenced by others really, although your DP might want to offer his thoughts as well.

Discounted · 30/03/2015 21:22

Sorry, I'm going to have to ask Charlotte....Your mum has 12 engagement rings....?

letscookbreakfast · 30/03/2015 21:23

I understand why you'd want to, ask your partner to see what he thinks.

I can't believe that someone suggested selling it.

Sugarfreeriot · 30/03/2015 21:23

I wouldn't. It symbolises a totally different part of your life. If still wear it, on my other hand, or around my neck on a necklace but not as an engagement ring.
Congratulations though Flowers

VanitasVanitatum · 30/03/2015 21:24

12!! Shock that's good going.

VanitasVanitatum · 30/03/2015 21:25

Sorry - I think you could have the stone reset, but I wouldn't use the exact same ring.

SanityClause · 30/03/2015 21:26

An engagement ring is supposed to be a gift from your husband to be.

I don't have an engagement ring, and am perfectly happy with that, so I don't really see that an engagement ring is all that important.

If you want to wear the ring, have it altered to fit on your other hand.

CalleighDoodle · 30/03/2015 21:27

If it was an exhusband id say it was weird. Because youre a widow i think that is different. Maybe it is more like a mark of respect and rememberence to your lost husband. I agree that you should discuss with your fiance. You could have it made into a difference piece of jewellery. Melted down and made into a pendent for a necklace.

Jackie0 · 30/03/2015 21:27

I agree with other posters, wear it on your right hand.
Get a new engagement ring or none at all.

PenguinsandtheTantrumofDoom · 30/03/2015 21:28

I would wear that ring on your other hand

My grandma was widowed 30 years ago and still wears her first wedding band and engagement ring on her right hand. Her new (well, 20 years now!) husband also wears his first wedding ring on the right hand.

WorraLiberty · 30/03/2015 21:30

You missed out quite an important point from your OP and that's, what does your DP think?

Smartiepants79 · 30/03/2015 21:30

I like the idea of resetting the stone.
What does your fiancé think?
I would think a new ring for a new chapter might be the best.

FenellaFellorick · 30/03/2015 21:32

how does your partner feel about you wearing your late husband's ring as a symbol of your engagement to him your new partner?

If he doesn't have a problem with it then fair enough. If he would feel bad about it, probably best not to.