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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To reuse my engagement ring?

58 replies

Twink · 30/03/2015 21:10

I've been widowed for over 5 years and have been seeing a guy for the last 3 years. We're very happy together and have decided we want to get married. I have a beautiful diamond solitaire engagement ring from my husband which I currently don't wear but if I were to choose a ring today, it would be identical. Would it be wierd to reuse it?

OP posts:

ThankFuckSpringIsHere · 30/03/2015 21:49

My DSis was widowed 9 years ago. Her DH made her promise not to live her life grieving for him before he died and that she would meet someone else. Her wedding ring is made from some of the gold in her last wedding ring and her engagement ring contains some of the gold from her previous one as well as some diamonds. The other gold in her rings is from my mums jewellery. Her DH was also widowed and his wedding ring is made from his wife's wedding ring and his grandmothers ring. It's very fitting for them as both their previous spouses had wished they found someone else before dying. It's a personal choice I think and as long as you and your partner are happy with the ring you wear it's fine.

Charlotte3333 · 30/03/2015 21:52

Hah, I know, 12 is insane. I have a sneaky feeling she was quite the go-er when she was young.

MrsDoylesCupOfTea · 30/03/2015 21:52

It's just a lump of carbon! I'd reuse the diamond in a new ring. It would be crazy to sell it and buy another as you would loose lots of money.

Sentiment is just that - you can choose what you attach sentiment too.

Penfold007 · 30/03/2015 21:53

You are embarking on a new journey but also have your late husband in your mind. A new relationship normally deserves a new ring, yours is a blended relationship, reuse the stone in a fresh setting.
Your new fiance has an opinion, what does he think?

Qwebec · 30/03/2015 21:57

My DP uses an engagement ring. I gave him one that had sentimental value to me, but his new job requiers his to wear gloves and the ring gets caught in them. He has an old engagement ring from a previous relationship. I'm a practical person, the ring fits, he likes it and has no stone so there is no glove problem. Problem solved.
As long as the previous relationship is dealt with, I don't see what's the problem.
If you still have feelings towards your previous husband (nothing wrong with that) I might not feel the same way. Ask your DP what he feels about it.

iggymama · 30/03/2015 22:05

Could your DP buy you an eternity ring and then you could wear both together?

LaurieFairyCake · 30/03/2015 22:08

My grandmothers ring was two large diamonds on a twist shape.

How about another diamond the same size to complement on a twist together - the union of past and present

willbillycome · 30/03/2015 22:09

my husband reused his old wedding ring (divorced, not widowed). At first I thought him wanting to do it was weird, but in the end realised that the ring symbolised his commitment, not his ex wife (that and he is rather tight )
some people may find it strange but it's not their opinion that counts

Shenanagins · 30/03/2015 22:12

I don't think it's weird at all, if you like the ring and your fiancé is happy with it why waste money on another.

TywysogesGymraeg · 30/03/2015 22:14

Twelve!

askalice · 30/03/2015 22:17

I also don't think it's tat all weird, and was quite surprised to read that so many do. Until this thread, it wouldn't even have occurred to me that it might be weird. Do what makes sense for you and your fiancé, and what you're both happy with

Tizwailor · 30/03/2015 22:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

askalice · 30/03/2015 22:18

at, not tat

anothernumberone · 30/03/2015 22:20

Use it. A friend of a friend used the same dress 18mths after the first fiancée got cold feet. The dress was outrageously expensive and stunning she was dead right. She never told her DH.

Flutterby24 · 30/03/2015 22:24

Do what feels right for you and your df. I speak from experience (reversal) and it was never weird for me.

Canyouforgiveher · 30/03/2015 22:27

Sentiment is just that - you can choose what you attach sentiment too.

I agree. I upgraded my engagement and my wedding ring (and the original had a lovely inscription too!) when I had the money because I wanted different rings on my fingers 15 years on. means absolutely nothing about my marriage or relationship.

It is a piece of jewellery - wear it if you like it and don't call it anything at all. Don't bother with another ring if you don't want one (I'd always want another ring!).

I also have a friend who was dumped by a fiance 4 months before the wedding. She'd have lost money on the dress so she completed the fitting/purchase. hung it up and wore it a year and a half later marrying a much nicer guy.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 30/03/2015 22:46

I think it's fine if you DP does.

CalicoBlue · 30/03/2015 22:54

I would either wear it on my right hand or have the stone reset with additional stones to make a new ring. I would not wear the exact same ring. It is a very personal choice.

I have a friend who gave his wife a lovely family diamond engagement ring, when they divorced she gave the ring back. His next wife then had it as her engagement ring. She felt a bit odd at first but it was a stunning ring.

AliMonkey · 30/03/2015 22:55

Don't really see why others think it's weird given you were widowed so neither you or your previous DH made a decision to end the marriage. If it was divorce then can see it would be a bit different. If you and DFi happy with it then do it. But also quite like the idea of using stone in a new ring chosen by you and DFi - but that is obviously a much more expensive option. Do what is right for you two and don't worry what others think.

Now a PP saying "if you still have feelings about your previous husband" is weird! - of course you do and sure DFi wouldn't expect anything different or that it affects how you feel about him.

Dowser · 30/03/2015 23:01

Had mums engagement ring and aunts opal dress ring remade into gorgeous opal and diamond dress ring that will be handed to my daughter and granddaughter when we pass.

PearsonSpecter · 30/03/2015 23:24

It's a lovely idea. I know someone else in the same position who did use the original ring but her fiancé 'added' to the ring with a stone of his choosing either side of the diamond. He said that her first husband was a wonderful person and he wanted to honour him (he also thought it meant a lot to her children). Congrats on the engagement

GettingEggyWithIt · 30/03/2015 23:25

I think it is totally fine.Congratulations!

ChocolateEggFace · 31/03/2015 08:00

I wouldn't. Doesn't your new DP want to give you a ring himself?

It's a bit like buying your own engagement ring....

seriouslypeedoff · 31/03/2015 08:06

I would wear it, but on my other hand. I can't say yabu, really as its very personal. But I wouldn't get engaged to another man using my engagement ring from my husband.

goodnessgraciousgouda · 31/03/2015 08:12

It depends a lot on how your partner feels about it.

However, I would say that an engagement ring symbolises a promise between two people - two specific people. It's sort of a symbol of the promises made between your husband and you. Therefore, I would find it very odd to simply "re-use" it with a new partner, and - apologies - disrespectful.

Then again, to some people the ring is just a ring, without any special connotations.

Could you wear the ring on your other hand? Or have the stone set into a pendant so you can wear it close to your heart without the hassle of another ring?

As for engagement rings, do you actually want another ring? Could you buy a flashier wedding band in lieu of an engagement ring? Or have an eternity ring?

Maybe I am the odd one, but I would find it pretty odd to choose exactly the same ring as well! If you like the look of solitaires, why not consider one in ruby, or sapphire, or emerald, etc?

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