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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

R-word apologists on jury service. I am scared now.

118 replies

keepingmum121 · 29/03/2015 23:20

This is only in AIBU because the thread that inspired it is also here.

I have reported a 'R' against me a few months ago and the process of the investigation is very trying (to say the least).

Now I am absolutely terrified that if this goes to court, there might be people on the jury with similar opinions as some people on that other thread (I hope you know which one I mean).

Do you know, are the jury told in NO uncertain terms what the definition of R is before proceedings commence? Are there efforts made to eliminate people who excuse the man who did it for stupid reasons?

I'm scared :(

OP posts:

honeysucklejasmine · 29/03/2015 23:21

I think the jury recieve plenty of instructions, don't worry.

And well done for being so brave!

Kampeki · 29/03/2015 23:22

Does "r" stand for racist or what? Bit difficult to understand your post tbh.

Kampeki · 29/03/2015 23:23

Oh, sorry, think I know what it is now. Perhaps being a bit slow.

SoonToBeSix · 29/03/2015 23:23

Rape

LineRunner · 29/03/2015 23:23

This is about rape.

And bravery, to be frank.

TywysogesGymraeg · 29/03/2015 23:23

I think she means rape, but not sure either.

CalleighDoodle · 29/03/2015 23:23

It is worrying. All I can imagine is that some of these people have been treated so badly / treated others so badly, that they think these actions are normal and acceptable. Hope it goes ok for you x

Salmotrutta · 29/03/2015 23:24

I don't know your other thread and I'm guessing at what you mean by R, but hopefully there would be plenty of level headed people on a jury who would consider evidence properly.

Original poster

keepingmum121 · 29/03/2015 23:24

Sorry. Yes, you're right. I can't write the word and it hurts to even read it.

OP posts:

Meloria · 29/03/2015 23:27

You must try to toughen up as you're going to be hearing it a lot over the next few months. You can give your best and clearest evidence if you can face up to things and speak about what happened using the proper term, as hard as it is.

PeachyPants · 29/03/2015 23:28

I'm so sorry that this happened to you, the other thread has infuriated and disgusted me, mainly for what the OP was put through but also because of the ignorant comments from a small minority of posters, but please hold onto the fact that it was a minority and they were roundly condemned most people understood that what she suffered was rape.

Original poster

keepingmum121 · 29/03/2015 23:29

Police Officer assured me that they can be instructed in court not to use that word when I'm in the room. I hope that can be true. I'm trying so hard to battle this issue. It is a real phobia :(

OP posts:

listsandbudgets · 29/03/2015 23:30

I've been on the jury in a rape case.

Yes the jury are given an explicit explanation of what rape is. The judge also gives a lot of guidance in his summing up.

No I'm sorry but the jury are not questioned on their opinions and beliefs before they are panelled. Members of the jury have to declare if they know anyone connected with the case and the defendant is also asked if they recognise any of them. Also the barrister for either side can reject jury members if they believe they know them (this actually happened to me - I didn't think I knew him but it turned out he was a friend of a close colleague and knew me by reputation)

You are being very brave. Tell the truth - its all you can do Also don't be afraid to ask for a break at any time you need one.

Original poster

keepingmum121 · 29/03/2015 23:31

It only needs one person like that on the jury to bugger up my case. Don't they have to unanimously agree?
They'll maybe argue that as I consented 5 days earlier, it can't be so bad. I can anticipate all the possible crap that will harm my case.

OP posts:

duftlys · 29/03/2015 23:33

you are brave xx

Original poster

keepingmum121 · 29/03/2015 23:33

How do I prepare for the cross examination? What is it like? Thank you for being there. I'm feeling so wobbly and scared. I should not have read that other thread!

OP posts:

nocoolnamesleft · 29/03/2015 23:34

I gather that there is instruction upon legal definitions.

But, one thing to consider: the defence will try everything in their power to make it sound not like rape. The fucking bastard who raped you will do everything in his power to make it sound not like rape. I suspect that it would really help the jury to hear that word, and hear it from you.

"I asked him not to do it, and we still had sex" vs "I said stop, and he still raped me" - it's a lot harder for that minority who don't understand rape to say "that wasn't rape" when they hear the victim telling them.

But, of course, ultimately you have to do what is best for you. Because you're the most important one in all this.

Good luck. I believe you.

Icimoi · 29/03/2015 23:34

The jury can convict or acquit by a 10-2 majority.

listsandbudgets · 29/03/2015 23:35

I'm sorry I cross posted.

I'm afraid its a word you'll have to get used to :( The prosecution barrister may try to hold back from using it but the defence barrister is paid to defend their client and they may well ask you blunt questions to try to shock a response out of you.

It is not the word that is repellent but the act

CultureSucksDownWords · 29/03/2015 23:35

Juries can reach majority verdicts, I think the judge has to direct it, but when I was on a jury (for a serious crime, but not the same as your case) we were told we could reach a majority decision.

Original poster

keepingmum121 · 29/03/2015 23:36

That other thread made me wobble also because I had already taken the MAP after the consensual act. Then, when he forced himself on me 5 days later I had to take ella-one and get the emergency coil. It was horrid and traumatic and made me bleed a lot.

OP posts:

ramanoop · 29/03/2015 23:36

With respect, you really need to get your head around what happened and talk to a professional before the trial, if you're struggling to say "rape". The police officer is wrong. Everyone will be talking about rape. And if you aren't ready for it, cross examination is going to be devastating for you.

Original poster

keepingmum121 · 29/03/2015 23:38

ok, so as long as five sixths of the jury are decent, I could be alright.
I have been phobic of that word for 18 years. It also happened when I was a lot younger and in much worse circs. I've been broken since then.

OP posts:

CherryFlavourPez · 29/03/2015 23:40

I assume it's my thread that has upset you. I'm sorry for what you've been through. But as someone who's been through it in the past, believe me you will survive. You are so brave for doing this

ASAS · 29/03/2015 23:40

My brother was on the jury of such a trial. The bar steward was convicted. My brother was so traumatised by the evidence he had to talk about it (I have MH training). Many apologists are keyboard warriors, I defy anyone to look you in the eye and think you consenting 5 days prior matters a jot.

You're so brave. One day at a time xxx

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