AIBU to have dc3 when Dh isn't keen? Says he's too old at 41

[MaidenZilk]

Would you say 41 is too old to have a baby, if you're the dad?

To put my situation in context, we were very unsure about having children when we got married and waited 10 years before having any. All throughout my pregnancy I was really unwell, extremely sick, (horrendous to live with I'm sure considering we had so long with just the two of us). Our ds instantly became our pride and joy, we love him to bits and were utterly thrilled and besotted with our new son. We said all along that we were only going to have one child and I was fine with this during pregnancy. However the very second I held my son, I knew I wanted another, dh was less sure but when ds was 22 months our dd was born.

To say I'm in love with my daughter is an understatement! It's ridiculous! I go around with a big grin on my face and so very fortunate that I have a little girl and a little boy. This from someone who had never even held a baby until she was 33! It shocks me that I almost wasn't going to have children and before having a baby never felt broody.

Now the AIBU part: I want another!

Dd is 16 weeks and I want another. I think about it all the time; I feel sad that I might not get to have one or to be pregnant again.

Dh looks at me with horror when I mention it. He says he's too old at 41 to be trying for another and I'm getting on also at 35. His other reasons are;

I suffer from horrendous MS during oregnqncy
I had to have 10 weeks off work last time
MS and 2 under 3 would be a real challenge
We have no family support
We aren't big earners, both FT work but not megabucks
I've had to have 2 sections and he doesn't think another would be ok
I'm in the process of being diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis and I suffer from excrutiating pain post pregnqncy

And the big one- went into marriage not wanting to have children and now I'm changing the goalposts by wanting a third baby.

I don't know where these feeling have come from. I desperately want abother dc.

Written down AIBU but am I?

I disagree the primary carer gets the final say. Presumably the other person has to finance most things and doesn't have the luxury of being home more.

The person who doesn't want children wins. You can't compromise and have half a child. Parenting a chil you didn't want must be hard and the effects of an unwanted child can be truly awful.

Given the cost of childcare with no spare finances and the possibility that the RA will mean the OP can't work in the future most likely its very clear to see why the DH doesnt want anymore.

littlemonsters=- I agree. The person who doesn't want the child has the final say. You can't force someone to be a parent unwillingly.

Just wait a bit - you have two really small children and without wishing to scare you... it does get quite hard when the youngest is 1 or 2 and up! you've got lots of busy times ahead and it is early days. What about waiting until your youngest is 2 - or making a date to discuss it with your DH when your youngest is 1?

Take the pressure off, him and you.

I felt the same and am currently pregnant with DC3 - after argumentsdiscussions with DH! but no WAY would I have had another smaller age gap.

Furthermore. You are assuming that a third child would be a well child. What if it wasn't? Maybe you should look at your two children and count your blessings? >cringes slightly, but you kwim

Unfortunately I think YABU.

Both partners should want the child, if he's looking at you with horror when you mention it then I think that tells you all you need to know.
He went into your marriage not wanting any kids at all but he's given you 2!! Don't you think it's your turn to go with his wishes??