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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask what age your child was when you gave them 'the sex talk'

85 replies

Favouritethings · 28/03/2015 16:01

Just that really..
And how did you explain it?
My son just said 'sexing' when I asked what he knew about sex he said 'when people rub their bits together'!!
I thought we'd naturally have this talk long before now but iv waited for his cue, I think it's time ??

OP posts:

Original poster

Favouritethings · 28/03/2015 20:16

Promoted hahaha

OP posts:

stubbornstains · 28/03/2015 20:17

DS is 5, and I'm currently heavily pregnant, so this has been a topic of great fascination over the last few months....so much so that I toyed with the idea of dressing him up as a sperm for World Book Day (well,they did say dress up as a character from your favourite book, and that's definitely been "Mummy Laid an Egg" for the last few months...).

I'm not entirely sure that he's absorbed everything correctly though....he had a bit of an erection in the bath the other day, and addressed it sternly: "No no willy, I don't want any eggs coming out of you yet, I'm too little".... We also had to reiterate that boys are not better than girls because they have willies- because girls have fannies, and when they grow up babies can come out of them, which he received with amazement, so obviously that bit initially went over his head too......

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 28/03/2015 20:19

Aww. Hopefully Mr and Mrs silverback will be blessed with cute baby gorilla

Lima1 · 28/03/2015 20:30

My kids aged 4,5 and 7 have shown very little interest in this. They ask about how babies get out but not how they get in. I had 3 sections and they thought all babies were born this way so I told them that it can be that way or out the vagina. DD(7) was talking one day about identical twins so I took the opportunity to explain about eggs splitting and 2 eggs being fertilised but she didn't probe any further.I would have thought under 8/9 was early but looking at these posts my kids seem very un-inquisitive!

NoSquirrels · 28/03/2015 20:33

YY to whichever poster said the questions always come on the bus! My DC1, about 4, said very loudly, apropos of NOTHING, "Mummy, you know you said there are 3 holes, and the baby comes out of one of them? Can I see it?"

"Um, not now, DC1!"

VeronicaCaCa · 28/03/2015 20:52

Just ordered "Mummy Laid An Egg" thanks to this thread. £1.50 on eBay

Kundry · 28/03/2015 20:59

When I asked my mum how babies came out, she told me how they got in as well.

We never had 'a talk', she answered questions fully and I knew age 4. Was then mystified when the other kids became obsessed with it age 9-10 and they all thought it was rude - I thought it was perfectly natural.

If I had kids, I'd take the same approach with them and if they weren't asking by age 6, engineer the conversation myself.

Flossiechops · 28/03/2015 20:59

When dd was 7 and ds 6 I bought Where willy went & Mummy laid an egg - both really good age appropriate books

PuttingouthefirewithGasoline · 28/03/2015 21:01

It didn't look very awww, it looked un pleasant, and shagging doggy style wasn't something i wanted DD to witness on cute animal program.

Silverbacks remind me of some men in my own family so not that fond of them, although I did cry at the film, Gorillas in the Mist and Digit

PuttingouthefirewithGasoline · 28/03/2015 21:02

where willy went

drspouse · 28/03/2015 21:08

Do any of the recommended books not say "the mummy and the daddy" or assume the biological parents love each other/live together/bring up the baby together?
Our DCs are adopted and I'd like to start broaching the subject but it needs to be a book that works for them. We tell them about their origins but despite a boom of second babies DS isn't interested in what's in all those large tummies, nor does he seem to care or notice that DD has no "wiggly worm".

I'm sure it's similar for single parents.

TaraBoomDeAy · 28/03/2015 21:14

My DC are adults now but I never had 'the talk' - it was more a matter of dropping little bits of info into conversations whenever it was appropriate right from when they were very young. The idea of a grand reveal would be a bit dramatic for me. I used to have detailed age appropriate books on a shelf so they could look things up on their own if they wished. However good our relationship was I'm sure there were plenty of things they would still feel uncomfortable asking me about.

When they were older teens and started having borfriends and girlfriends I did insist on a frank conversation about contraception. I usually ambushed them spoke to them in the car, thus removing the need for eye contact or the possibility of them escaping . It was funny and a bit cringe'y but seemed to go ok with each of them.

RocketCat77 · 28/03/2015 21:15

Another one here - just ordered 'mummy laid an egg' by Babette Cole 1.50 inc delivery eBay !

Charlotte3333 · 28/03/2015 21:22

DS1 was 5 when DS2 was born so we answered his questions as honestly as we could without being overly-open. He went to school not long after we told him how the baby was going to come out and tried to do a show and tell about his new information.

Two or three months ago he came home from school and calmly announced at the dinner table (whilst MIL was here) "I know what sex is, it's when a man gently places his penis inside a woman's vagina and does a wee". DH is a prude like MIL and they both almost choked to death, but I thought if he's old enough to be asking questions, he's old enough for the truth. So we talked about sperm, testicles, all that stuff. And he's not raised the subject much since until last week when he asked if we'd had sex to make DS2 and pronounced "That's entirely disgusting. I'm going to stay single forever".

He's 9. Which seems too young, but I think if he's hearing stuff at school or finding it out elsewhere, we owe it to him to tell him the truth so that he's prepared for what his body's going to do so it's not too terrifying.

heycarrot · 28/03/2015 21:24

Just before their sex education can't remember if it was 10 or 11. Didn't seem much point unless they asked earlier where they may have had a brief explanation. I also gave my daughter a book about her body etc at the same time.

I was keen to make sure I had explained things clearly to her before the school did in case she didn't fully get it or was confused and worried.

BarbarianMum · 28/03/2015 21:24

Started with the basics aged 4, with regular updates as and when things come up. Ds1 (9) found a packet of condoms in dh's bedside drawer last week so I explained those, which lead to the horrifying revelation that grown ups sometimes have sex for fun. Ds1 was stunned with disgust (we've only talked about sex for procreative purposes before). Ds2 (7) wanted me to open the packet and blow one up like a balloon

CaptainAnkles · 28/03/2015 21:25

I never did with DS, he picked up the general idea from various places including a children's encyclopaedia, then they learned about it at school. Not because I was hugely coy but it just didn't happen. Perfectly happy to answer questions when he asks the but never had the big conversation.
The subject hasn't come up yet with DD.

pointythings · 28/03/2015 21:51

Mine were 6 and 4 - they asked and kept on questioning, so I told them. They refused to believe people did things like that...

They're now 12 and 14 and I've pretty much pre-empted school sex ed. They still don't think it is something they will ever want to do themselves though, possibly they were traumatised by seeing zebras at it at the zoo a couple of years ago .

BertieBotts · 28/03/2015 22:16

I didn't like Mummy Laid an Egg at all! Very strange book.

ArcheryAnnie · 28/03/2015 23:28

drspouse I'm a single parent, and while it's never been an issue for DS, it was for one of his friends. I've had "where's your man" and "why don't you have a man" and so on! I have gently explained that quite a lot of women not only don't have men, but don't want them, and that's OK!

I must say, getting a lot of the discussion over with DS in a very casual way - responding to questions and stuff as it's come up - has been much easier done before puberty hit. I think he'd hide under the coffee table if I had to start now. Before puberty, the idea of sex may be interesting or dull to them, but it isn't personal the way it is to a hormone-riddled teen.

Talk to 'em early! You will be doing yourself a favour!

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 28/03/2015 23:33

Do any of the recommended books not say "the mummy and the daddy" or assume the biological parents love each other/live together/bring up the baby together?

As far as I remember this book covers various family units, but not in much detail as is quite biology focused. Very good book for 4+ though, next in the series is for 7+

Let's Talk: About Girls, Boys, Babies, Bodies, Families & Friends (Lets Talk) www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1406306061/ref=cm_sw_r_awd_xKZfvb08ZFQFW

ScrambledEggAndToast · 29/03/2015 11:27

I've never had a proper talk about it with DS (12), he has got it al from school. I have decided that I am going to start talking to him about the importance of contraception in the next year or two. Obviously I'm hoping he will wait a good few more years before having sex but I'd rather it's drummed into his head before the deed is done so to speak. Absolutely dreading it though!

Takver · 29/03/2015 11:57

I'd strongly recommend the 'Lets Talk About' series for slightly older chldren.

We've got 'Lets Talk About Sex' which is great for older dc (I'd say year 6 to early teens).

There's also 'Lets Talk about Where Babies Come From' which is more suitable for maybe 8-9, that sort of age.

Takver · 29/03/2015 12:00

ScrambledEgg - you might find the 'Lets Talk about Sex' book good for your DS. I gave a copy to dd to read and found it a useful conversation starter rather than just having to launch straight in

I feel it's really important though to keep talking about it at this age (dd just 13) and as you say have discussions about things like contraception, STDs etc before they're actually DTD . . .

KikitheKitKat · 29/03/2015 12:01

I never had 'the talk', just answered all their questions which started around age 4. Obviously used age appropriate language but didn't just say "you'll find out when you're older" like my mum did!

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