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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask what age your child was when you gave them 'the sex talk'

85 replies

Favouritethings · 28/03/2015 16:01

Just that really..
And how did you explain it?
My son just said 'sexing' when I asked what he knew about sex he said 'when people rub their bits together'!!
I thought we'd naturally have this talk long before now but iv waited for his cue, I think it's time ??

OP posts:

SqueezyCheeseWeasel · 28/03/2015 16:53

We've never really done the full talk, we've (well, I, DH finds it all a bit ) talked age appropriately about bodies, relationships and sex since the children were small. Any questions they've wanted to ask, I've answered honestly and we've talked about things that come up in the news, on TV or whatever. The eldest 2 are well roundedadults and don't seem scarred by it, youngest is a young teen and so far, so good.

Witchofthenorth · 28/03/2015 16:55

I read the book "mummy laid an egg" with my 7 year old. She was very curious about it so figured she was ready. My oldest son who is 11, knows the basics but I have "let's talk about sex" to read with him.

I go with the rule of if they are old enough to seriously ask the question, they are old enough to hear the truthful answer.

SilverBirch2015 · 28/03/2015 16:55

I don't think anyone was advocating throw a book at them. They are very helpful to parents, to guide us what is age appropriate language and detail.
Diagrams and picture are very useful. DC can then refer back to them, if they want to check something at a later date.

There are also some areas, such as discussing masturbation with a teenager, that would feel pretty challenging for most of us.

wigglesrock · 28/03/2015 17:10

My daughter asked "what exactly is sex?" when she was 7. She knew how babies got out before that. So we talked about it, using proper words, no special cuddle, seed confusion. Her 5 year old sister was in the room when she asked so I told her too. Better hear it from me than playground confusion. Every so often I ask had anyone any questions, anything left them a bit confused. My eldest is now 9 and we had a recap recently especially with regards to periods, changing bodies, moods. She also has the Osborne book.

holeinmyheart · 28/03/2015 17:52

I never got told a thing by anyone and 60 years ago there was no internet or accessible books.
I found out about the facts of life at School, when I was around 11. We all discussed 'it' and we felt both intrigued and appalled. A girl in my class, called Celia said' well I don't know about you, but my Parents didn't do a dirty thing like that!

We were so naive that we believed her.

Those were the days when it was thought desirable to be a Virgin before one was married. Imagine!

Anyway, back to the future. Sex education in schools is fairly explicit and my DCs were having the lessons around 11, so I never felt the need to discuss it at.
However, I would always answer any questions they asked truthfully. I don't think I went iinto a great deal of detail. if you gave them stats about Genital warts or Sexually transmitted diseases, they wouldn't believe you anyway.

So my advice is, if you get asked a question, answer it as briefly and as truthfully as possible and leave it at that. Don't seek out a time and place.

As to their age...... It depends on when they ask the questions.

BertieBotts · 28/03/2015 18:00

It's been a gradual process here too, adding little bits of info as and when they come up if that makes sense. I have answered questions and also brought it up when a conversation was related, I didn't wait for a direct question. I think they do pick up on subtle reluctance like that and it gives them the idea it's something taboo which I didn't really want.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 28/03/2015 18:16

7 she asked me. How does a baby get in a lady's tummy so I explained.
She wasn't fazed out.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 28/03/2015 18:17

Have you considered the book. Mummy laid an egg by Babbette Cole.
It explains about how babies are made in a fun way.
Or the book where Wally went.

christycreme · 28/03/2015 18:18

I never had the "sex" talk. If and when things came up we discussed them.

meglet · 28/03/2015 18:20

5/6yrs.

itsall we're another "vulva' family .

NobodyLivesHere · 28/03/2015 18:21

Mine have always known really. They saw their siblings being born, and I just told them gradually as they grew.

meglet · 28/03/2015 18:22

no waiting for questions either. If I waited for them to ask it could take years.

Original poster

Favouritethings · 28/03/2015 18:29

Thanks for all your responses, feel relieved that many of you are facing this with children around my ds'a age. I was worried I had left it a little late already. I have always had the answer his questions openly and honestly approach but that's the problem, he's never asked questions! Think il just say 'you know you talked about sexing earlier and it's about people rubbing their bits together? That's not quite what it is! Do you have any questions about it?' Then see what he says, hopefully it will lead on to a natural discussion. I'm not weirded out about dust using it with him, I just want to get it right and not over inform him!! I like the book idea too.

OP posts:

Takver · 28/03/2015 18:31

We had a nice book called 'How did I begin' when dd was small (maybe 4 or 5), and read it with her.

Also living on a communally farm helped, lots of discussion over meals about things like when to get the billy goat in . . .

vdbfamily · 28/03/2015 18:35

I also have just answered questions as they came along but had one funny moment when my son (aged about 5) was in the bath and enquiring why he had testicles. I explained that they made all the seeds that joined with the mummys egg to make a baby. A few days later he solemnly enquired as to how, when his balls exploded to let the seeds out to make a baby, he could then have more babies at a later date!? I then had to go into a bit more detail and hoped he had not been suffering too much for those few days worrying about exploding testicles!!!

vdbfamily · 28/03/2015 18:37

Oh...and I should add, just to see how flamed I get, that I am also teaching my children that it is preferable to save this activity until they are in a committed,preferably married relationship. Shock horror!

Kitsandkids · 28/03/2015 18:41

Does anyone else have children that save their questions about such matters for the bus?!

My 7 year old was telling me the other day he wants a baby when he's older and how would he get one? I told him most men find a lady who wants to have a baby with them and then the lady grows it in her tummy. (If I hadn't been on the bus I would have explained a bit better but I was aware of other people listening!) He replied, 'so then do I just take the baby off her and keep it?' I said that usually the man and woman are in love and want to stay together to look after the baby together.

funkynmunky · 28/03/2015 18:47

2 and 1/2. IVF baby and I wanted them to know that from the start - if you're going to explain IVF then you explain it all. DC was fascinated by biology generally so it was all quite simple.

PuttingouthefirewithGasoline · 28/03/2015 19:56

I nearly had to do it last night when put on innocent educational nature program to have Mr Silverback shagging one of his pack

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 28/03/2015 20:00

What type of animal was Mr silverback. Just curious

Musicaltheatremum · 28/03/2015 20:01

My daughter aged about 8/9 watched it on the TV when off sick from school. I had been cooking and came through to all sorts of questions. I honestly can't remember how my son found out but it was before I got there. They're 22 and 20 nearly and quite responsible

mommy2ash · 28/03/2015 20:04

if im honest i haven't ever really taught my eight year old much of anything about sex. we have had the your private areas are your own and there aren't any secrets from mummy talk since she was tiny. she knows an egg grows in a belly into a baby. she did once ask how it comes out as she thought it was the belly button and i told her to think about it and asked what made sense. she came up with the right option herself. i then somehow told her about c sections which worried her a bit she is a sensitive soul.

im sure it will come up naturally i just don't feel like there is a need to sit her down and tell her anything more at the moment.

Flossiechops · 28/03/2015 20:06

I have fresh experience of this! Ds and I had the sex talk on Thursday. Mainly prompted by the fact that they are due to have a talk in school - he's 10, yr 5. We discussed sex, penetration & masturbation - all promoted by him. He was initially embarrassed then asked sensible questions eg how old do you have to be to have sex. He already knows about puberty & periods etc (he has an 11 yr old sister) but hasn't asked about sex before. I was very open & tried not to make a big deal of it as it is the most natural thing in the world.

Flossiechops · 28/03/2015 20:07

Prompted not promoted

PuttingouthefirewithGasoline · 28/03/2015 20:10

Silverback Gorilla Ilivein

I think Babette book linked earlier looks good and agree that blending it into general life is far better than awkward and important chat.

I hadnt thought about this yet, so glad seen this thread.

Will get that book and casually read it one night.

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