To think parents should take responsibility if children chase sheep on country walk?

[Firethorn]

Recently went for a country walk (public right of way across farmland) with SIL, my 2 nieces, and another couple and their 3 kids. Crossing a sheep-field, the 5 kids started chasing sheep, trying to 'round them up' in a flock like they'd seen sheepdogs do on TV. I asked SIL if we should stop them, she said no they always do this it's not doing any harm. Other couple agreed and said the kids are having fun, let them play with the sheep. I was a bit concerned as one child was carrying a stick and waving it around, but respected the parents' decision.
Shortly afterwards an irate farmer marched towards us shouting and swearing! She was really aggressive and had a snarling dog (off the lead), dog was circling us but not approaching. For about 5 minutes mins she yelled and swore at the kids for chasing her sheep. All 3 parents then turned on their kids and told them off, lying that they'd been telling them to stop but they'd disobeyed! (They hadn't told them to stop at any point). My niece burst into tears and hid behind me and I lost my temper with farmer for swearing at kids, told her to back off and stop shouting, and to get dog under control. The dad of one of other kids then threatened to kick the dog if it came near his kids, and after some more shouting we decided to go back way we'd come. She shouted abuse after us until we were out of sight!

I'm annoyed with other parents for letting their kids chase sheep then lying about trying to stop them! Also with farmer for being so intimidating and rude. SIL says we should just have apologised and carried on walking. AIBU?

Better

I don't know why you'd want to remain in contact with people who have friends minded to commit criminal damage.

Only1scoop - my only consolation is that the end is in sight. We're at post 877...

*SIL said her friend (dad of other kids) was so annoyed he later told her he might go back at night and leave every gate on her land open, find her sheepdog and 'teach it a lesson'.

I'm waiting on the next chapter of the OP's fictional post with baited breath.

Bold fail.

Every cloud and all that....

FFS, what sort of people are you associating with, OP? They apparently think:

1. If there are a load of sheep in a field without lambs, they must be rams;
2. Sheep can never be pregnant;
3. They're especially unlikely to be pregnant this time of year;
4. It's absolutely fine to let children veer from public rights of way and chase sheep with sticks;
5. Farmers shouldn't be allowed to own land or have any control over it;
6. Farmers should have signs all over their land telling people not to torment animals;
7. It's fine to lie in front of your children and blame them publicly for something they didn't do;
8. If someone gets angry because you're tormenting animals and potentially putting their lives at risk, that person is in the wrong;
9. If the farmer's dog does what it is trained to do to protect sheep, the farmer is in the wrong;

10. It's absolutely fine to threaten to kick the farmer's dog; 11. It's equally fine to go back in cold blood, put the farm and all the livestock at risk by leaving gates open, and attack the dog.

If my friends and in-laws behaved like this, I would be utterly disgusted. I would certainly refuse to have anything whatsoever to do with the petty, revolting nutcase who wants to go back there, harm even more animals and destroy the farmer's livelihood because the farmer understandably didn't like his children tormenting her sheep. But you still seem to suggest that the farmer is at fault?

You did allow the children because Iy did nothing to sy them. Don't try yo shuffle off responsibility.

You made a decision to do nothing.

I'm not blaming her and I'm not defending SIL.

Every time that you post about the farmers behaviour, you are blaming the farmer and excuse your SiL's (and family's) behaviour.

Hold on. I think the OP was in a difficult situation wrt telling the children off. If you were out with your DC and they were doing something that you thought was perfectly fine and the person you were with started telling your DC off for it it is very unlikely that you would let them do so. You would prob have a go at the friend and tell the children to carry on!

I think you can comment on someone's behaviour without it meaning that you're blaming them. If I crashed into someone I would be to blame. If the person I crashed into starts yelling abuse and being threatening and I came on here to complain about it I would expect that most people would understand why the other person was upset but would think that the verbal abuse/threatening behaviour was unnecessary. They wouldn't think that I was blaming him for the crash or suggesting that it was absolving me of responsibility for it somehow.

Oh go on - cut and paste that letter you sent! Do please!

bumbley

Through out the thread the OP has made "suggestions" as to how the farmer could have prevented the incident from happening, I see her continual mentioning of the farmer's behaviour as an extension of that.

The problem with your crash analogy is that it is the farmer that has been "crashed in to" not the OP.

She's busy writing it as we speak, Buxton

Bumbleymummy, in your scenario the crash is presumably accidental in if down to someone's carelessness. It doesn't compare to the situation here. A more comparable scenario would be one where you see your car about to crash, deliberately do nothing to stop it despite the fact that other people could get hurt, then flat out lie that it had anything to do with you, then start threatening one of the passengers when they go to make the car safe. Do you think anyone would applaud you if you came on here and claimed that the other driver was wrong to get angry with you?

OP keep digging. You're hilarious

I don't have an issue really with her not challenging others' parenting more strongly. That would have been hard. I do have an issue with her whining criticism of the farmer and her continued defence of her sister in law.

Boney - I've been following the thread and have posted a few times.

My crash example isn't supposed to be an analogy to the sheep situation. I was just giving an example of when someone may comment on another person's reaction/behaviour without trying to deny responsibility or blame the other person for their own involvement in the situation. It was mainly in response to this comment - "Every time that you post about the farmers behaviour, you are blaming the farmer and excuse your SiL's (and family's) behaviour."

I don't think the farmer's behaviour was unjustified on any level. Crash analogies are an unnecessary complication imo.

The dad who said he would go back and leave the gates open and 'sort' out the sheepdog should be utterly ashamed of himself. Sometimes I just loathe humankind I really do.

I had a bit of sympathy at the beginning but not any more.

bumbley

The OP's points have, in the main, been "my SiL (or family) did X but the farmer" (paraphrased).

It is a tactic used to deflect blame and put it on someone else. I (like most posters) have no issue particular issue with the OP having difficulty in calling other people's children to task, I object, very strongly, to "but the farmer did".

Surely it's beyond time to have some countryside education on the curriculum if we have adults who think they have a modicum of intelligence and yet they believe

? A highly trained sheepdog at work on its own land, should be retained on a lead

? Adult sheep are unlikely to be pregnant in the Spring, just before Easter at
Lambing Time

? A field full of adult sheep and no lambs present will mean the sheep are all male

? Animals are play things

? A marked public right of way over private land gives free rein for unchecked behaviour

Infact you don't even need educating to behave properly and respectfully in an alien environment, you just need to practise a little joined up thinking.

This thread has had me alternating between incredulity and outrage.

I still don't think that commenting on that behaviour means that the OP is blaming the farmer or excusing her own/SIL's behaviour.

So, if you hear children in the company of their parents using racist or homophobic language, you should not do anything because it is up to the parents? If you saw children beating up another child and the parents were excusing their behaviour, you'd do nothing?

If do, then I despair. People can make all the crap parenting choices they eNt but should be challenged when the behaviour of their children impacts negatively on other creatures as in this example with the sheep which OP said she knew was wrong.

"to find a family in the stables feeding bits of their picnic to the ponies"

This could almost have been my post, Carabos! Have certainly had the above and while the children and two adults gathered round the ponies, a third adult was confidently opening door "looking for the toilet"!

"onto a new foal's back "just for a photo", while fending off a frantic mare"

Sadly I have also had this ^^. When I arrived they had been very successful in fending off the mare (a first time mum, whose frantic fence walking had alerted me) and were lifting their children on to the back of a four week old colt foal.

Add to that things like families feeding their picnics to the hogg's then laughing with glee as the bread wrapper is gobbled up with the bread, it's little wonder I spend the spring and summer months (the time my parents used to refer to as the 'silly season') a bit anxious!

Of course she's blaming the farmer and excusing her sister in law 's response to the incident.