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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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To think parents should take responsibility if children chase sheep on country walk?

1000 replies

Firethorn · 26/03/2015 18:13

Recently went for a country walk (public right of way across farmland) with SIL, my 2 nieces, and another couple and their 3 kids. Crossing a sheep-field, the 5 kids started chasing sheep, trying to 'round them up' in a flock like they'd seen sheepdogs do on TV. I asked SIL if we should stop them, she said no they always do this it's not doing any harm. Other couple agreed and said the kids are having fun, let them play with the sheep. I was a bit concerned as one child was carrying a stick and waving it around, but respected the parents' decision.
Shortly afterwards an irate farmer marched towards us shouting and swearing! She was really aggressive and had a snarling dog (off the lead), dog was circling us but not approaching. For about 5 minutes mins she yelled and swore at the kids for chasing her sheep. All 3 parents then turned on their kids and told them off, lying that they'd been telling them to stop but they'd disobeyed! (They hadn't told them to stop at any point). My niece burst into tears and hid behind me and I lost my temper with farmer for swearing at kids, told her to back off and stop shouting, and to get dog under control. The dad of one of other kids then threatened to kick the dog if it came near his kids, and after some more shouting we decided to go back way we'd come. She shouted abuse after us until we were out of sight!

I'm annoyed with other parents for letting their kids chase sheep then lying about trying to stop them! Also with farmer for being so intimidating and rude. SIL says we should just have apologised and carried on walking. AIBU?

OP posts:
ARoomWithoutAView · 28/03/2015 18:04

OP how arrogant of you and you family to think that you can trespass off the footpath, cause stress to animals, leading to possible abortion of unborn lambs, break rules that are there to benefit everybody and for not standing up to your own friends and family.

ARoomWithoutAView · 28/03/2015 18:06

This could of course be a sheepfarmer posting about an experience in reverse to gain sympathy. Yes - it must be that. No intelligent person would ever have thought they were OK to do this thing.

UptheChimney · 28/03/2015 18:15

So you offered a "Yes, but ..." apology? That's almost worse than not apologising at all, and it shows you've learnt very little from this thread. I doubt the farmer will see your note as an apology: I wouldn't.

christycreme · 28/03/2015 18:16

Of course the parents were irresponsible here. They had no right to be on the farmers land or chase the poor sheep.

However, the farmers manner was very aggressive. She should not have used the on small children, no matter how angry she was.

Two wrongs don't make a right, no matter what the circumstances are.

christycreme · 28/03/2015 18:16

dog

LittleBairn · 28/03/2015 18:18

THat arrogant self righteous letter isn't going to make anything better.

ARoomWithoutAView · 28/03/2015 18:19

Hi OP I didn't see your previous long post when I posted mine, I just read your opening post and I was on the back page. Ignorance of course is never a good thing Smile

Someone told me once that there are two types of farmer folk. Those that own several hundred acres (about 20 fields I think) and the ones with small farms and some have to pay rent back to the landlord, its like an extra overhead. The smaller farmers survive from year to year with bank support and grants. It is not easy for them but the only think they know. Losing a sheep or lamb would be very real and its not about manners or conformity its about survival.

mateysmum · 28/03/2015 18:19

OP, I see that you are really trying to do the right thing and take on some of the info you have learned from this thread and for that I say Well Done! credit where credit is due even if I don't agree with the letter's content.

Your SIL is another matter. She "disagrees with people owning countryside" says it all really. Even though she may live in a village, she has urban arrogance written all over her. If I disagreed with people owning houses but that would not give me the right to enter her house and make myself at home. She seems to be wilfully ignorant. Do people really think that the flocks of sheep they see are all male??????? I think you have an uphill battle to "educate" her. Well done again for trying. Should it not be her that is writing the apology?

I'm sorry your niece is upset, but I have to say if her mother is fuming, this will feed the anxiety rather than explaining why the dog was cross and that this doesn't mean he is a bad dog.

Responsibility for her fear lies well and truly with her parents who allowed this situation to develope.

LittleBairn · 28/03/2015 18:20

Does the family live in the villiage near the farm? If so her name will be mud in the local community, she might want to change her attitude sharpish if she want to feel welcome.

Bettercallsaul1 · 28/03/2015 18:21

I don't believe a word of the last message from the OP! I don't think anyone should waste any more time on this thread - we've all been had! Quite skillfully, but you should quit while you're ahead, OP!

RobinHumphries · 28/03/2015 18:24

It doesn't mean they will leave gates open, litter or mistreat livestock

But livestock WERE mistreated. There is also a difference between footpaths over farmland and open access countryside.

Also OP can you decide between one definitive footpath or a lot of criss crossing ones as the former would be relatively easy to put a sign up, the second not so much but your Sil doesn't sound the sort of person to necessarily read and obey signs.

derxa · 28/03/2015 18:25

I know where that letter would go. Straight into the fire or perhaps to the farming press.

ARoomWithoutAView · 28/03/2015 18:26

Hi Bettercallsaul1 do you think OP might be a farmer or country person trying to make a point? It occurred to me too.

Salmotrutta · 28/03/2015 18:27

Oh my.

I suggest you hand deliver that letter OP.

And do let us know how it goes won't you...

Bettercallsaul1 · 28/03/2015 18:28

I think the whole exercise is less noble than that, Room Grin

ThaiMeDown · 28/03/2015 18:28

This reply has been deleted

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ARoomWithoutAView · 28/03/2015 18:28

OP if your post is genuine and your letter and sentiments too, then why not contact famer and all go round and meet her in yard and ask her to show you all round farm and what they have to do etc, and the country code. It might be a huge benefit for all of you. SIL will have to get down from her Shire Horse though Smile

ARoomWithoutAView · 28/03/2015 18:30

Oh...sorry I am not that bright I know, you mean OP has not really written the letter and couldn't give a stuff?

Salmotrutta · 28/03/2015 18:30

ThaiMeDown - good job it wasn't the farmer who saw that dog chasing his sheep.

He could legally have shot it.

KatieKaye · 28/03/2015 18:36

Room, do you really think the farmer has the time to do that? You know, with lambing season just around the corner she might just be a wee bit busy...

OP, you are so blinkered it is hilarious. I agree, hand deliver the letter and why not impart some of your wisdom to the farmer while you are there?

SlaggyIsland · 28/03/2015 18:38

PMSL at the SIL thinking it was a field of male sheep!

BuzzardBird · 28/03/2015 18:44

I tell you what, for a newbie you really know how to keep a thread going...respect! Grin

ARoomWithoutAView · 28/03/2015 18:45

KatieKaye yep they could do that if they want to. We can always find time to do anything if it is important. They should not have to I agree (and I come from a country background), but most businesses 'reach out' [ugg I hate that phrase] to wider society. It is difficult, and clearly OP and family were in the wrong, but prevention is always better than cure. So engage I say. Smile

StayingSamVimesGirl · 28/03/2015 18:46

Firethorn - ask your idiot SIL how farmers are supposed to have the land on which they grow the crops she eats and raise the animals she eats? If no-one owns the land, no-one has the responsibility to care for it, so it will not be good quality grazing, of the sort needed to raise high quality cattle or enable them to give high yields of milk.

Where I grew up, sheep were let out to graze on the open common land (we had the right to do so - but didn't), but these sheep were bred for hardiness and the ability to survive on poor grazing, and were fairly scraggy. They were kept for their lambs.

If no-one owns the land, who is going to grow crops on it - because anyone could go in and take those crops! If the farmer is renting the land, someone still owns it!

Oh, and a flock of all-male sheep? Bollocks! Farmers will have one or two Rams, to impregnate the ewes, and there may be a few flocks of make sheep being raised for mutton, but in the main, male lambs go to the abattoir, to be turned into chops etc. almost none get raised to adulthood.

And frankly, even if it was a rare flock of all male sheep, it STILL isn't OK for her children to chase them, to use them as living toys, regardless of the effects on the animals.

Oh - and please take your snotty lecture to the farmer out of the letter - it totally negates any apology you give.

tomandizzymum · 28/03/2015 18:53

SIL is still so angry and upset she is unable to appreciate farmer's point of view

AKA guilt and failure to accept it or admit it fully.

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