Naming a child I DON'T want in DD's class?

[flora717]

This probably is unreasonable. DD(7) had been friendly with a certain child in her class. It's a big school 2 classes per year. Every year children are asked to name some friends who they want to be with next year.
This child has taken to telling DD she hates her, she's stupid, she's ugly and kicking punching etc. They were friends. The last visit ended in this child breaking some toys and ornament because she didn't want to leave. Out of nerves my DD started laughing then crying (she was scared of this tantrum). WIBU to just say 'not this child please' to the teacher? They'd still be at the same school, same breaks, same trips etc. I know it wouldn't 'get rid' and I know she needs to learn to deal with this sort of behaviour and show the necessary detatchment. But she's 7. I have no idea if this girl is vindictive. She might get over (the distance DD is trying to create) it in a few weeks. But the lists are in tomorrow.
Go on MN. Give me both barrels.

I would do it. My dcs school only has one class per year, and there is a boy in ds1s class who has picked on him for 2 years. If there was a chance to get him moved away from my son i would take it.

I would

Yes why not? Also if it is happening in school as well I would tell the teacher.

I've done it

Twice in the move to senior school (two of my children)

And once in junior school, they were having a move round anyway but I made sure that dd wasn't with a certain child

I would too

Thanks. What I'd love is to see how things are after the holiday. But I'm aware they get them used to the idea gradually over the next term. Mixing up the classes so one teacher takes them for different levels out of both groups. I am sure the school want to get the mix well balanced.
Certainly if I thought this would carry on I'd speak up. This girl is quite new to the school, so I don't know a great deal about her usual temperament.

It would probably be better to word it along the lines of you'd like your DD separated from this girl due to past bullying and would like your DD in a different class, but yeah, I would.

Always worth asking and useful for school to be aware of the problems.

Yeah? Well I may well say something then. I was trying to encourage DD to make positive choices over some sort of yes/ no you're in, you're out approach.

No harm in trying. I'm not sure any parents would like this delightful child in their DC class though by the sound of it.

OK. Thanks all. It's all a shock really. Normally fall outs a not like this.

Its a worth a try. If we know certain children clash or one is particularly dominant/ vindictive towards another child we will try to put them
in separate classes.

Don't be too disappointed if it doesn't happen though. They will have to take in to account the balance of both classes and it might just not be feasible with the mixture of other children.

*are

Afaik, schools use this sort of information when deciding groupings. So you've got nothing to lose.

Yes, that's another reason I wanted to avoid saying something. DD was considered a positive influence on this girl a few weeks ago (parents evening).
But it's not working for DD now.

I would. And am planning on doing something similar myself. And I'm a teacher. We had a situation a couple of years ago where a parent didn't tell us she had concerns about a certain friendship her dd had, and they ended up in the same class together. Most of time they were fine together, but in some situations (particularly any element of competition) things got nasty between them. No more of a problem than any other disagreement, but if the parent had said something it might have saved them from a few unpleasant situations.

Nothing to lose from asking. It will probably be fine if they still end up in the same class, but at least the teachers will know and can monitor the situation.

I would and I have. Twice.

You need to see a teacher face to face and explain your reasons.

Once was to ask for DS to be kept away from a boy who had been pushing him over (on and off, but for the whole year, but dealt with competently, so not excessively nasty. I put it in terms of an opportunity to change the pattern of their interaction so time didn't have to be taken up in dealing with it, which would be good for everyone). And once for DD who had a 'friend' with whom she had a very intense love/hate relationship, and I suggested that it would might be better for everyone if that was restricted to the playground and did not affect what happened in the classroom itself.

You can't be sure that you'll get your preference, and you have to recognise that they are dealing with everyone's well being. But it's worth making your case.

It's worth trying, IMO. I am campaigning for the same thing right now, but unfortunately I don't think it can be done as they will be streaming on ability in September and the child I think DD badly needs some distance from is very similar academically (which is itself one of the challenges, TBH). However, I see no harm in making the point to the staff that some distance would be a very good thing, even if they can't manage separate classes it might make them think a little harder about groups within the class etc.

and I know she needs to learn to deal with this sort of behaviour and show the necessary detatchment

Does she?

No one kicks me in adult life or calls me stupid....

I think its okay to ask, knowing that for many good reasons you may not get. At least teachers will be able to manage the interaction better.

DS (8) has some SEN and there is one particular boy who he likes, but who has a terrible effect on his behaviour, and to some extent vice versa. I have asked that he isn't with this child - although that is a little easier as its a two way thing so I have honestly been able to express it as 'they aren't good for each other'.

Yes I would go in and mention it. I know exactly what you mean and have had to do the same.

You've been asked for an opinion, you have one, so give it. Just try to keep it factual and keep it as a constructive conversation as there's always two sides to every story.

I've raised an issue about a classmate before. Nothing on this level [only 4-5 for one], but I felt that they just seemed to rub each other up the wrong way and I was getting concerned about the number of incidents which were being related at home. As it turned out, the teacher agreed with me that it was just a personality clash between two kids who couldn't get on, but were drawn to each other like moths to a flame.

I have asked for children to be in different classes twice and once for different working groups within a class and teachers have been obliging every time.

In your situation yes I would mention it to the teacher.

I would.